A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is a mixed question, but I will try to explain what I mean best as possible. This is about how people choose to use facebook and the reactions people have to it. Im especially thinking about the couples who declare their undying love for each other on facebook. They send each other daily hearts, or cute quotes, or lovey dovey messages. All in all, this makes me feel like there is a contest going on about who's got most LOVE (like it is some parameter) in their relationship, who's the cutest couple, who looks best together in pictures, who goes on holiday together, who's getting married and has the best dress etc. At the moment I have three couples on facebook (real life friends as well) that all talk about their wedding, and having lovey dovey updates (daily hearts, and they comment on each others posts, like they don't live together and can talk in person).I have two other couples who update with "cutesy" things they've been telling each other. It all reminds me of bragging about their relationship. Some of my friends also have children, and understandably they love their kids, but it is more like bragging than anything else, only showing pictures of their child, or ultrasound pictures, and happy happy joy joy, we're expecting a kid!But, what's really going on? I get sick of these messages, so I have actually blocked a few of my friends updates, so they wont show. Their way of pushing their relationship up in my face (which is what it feels like to me) makes me want to remove them from my friend list at times. Is it me? Am I a negative jealous person who can't be happy on the behalf of others? Or is it just that people act different online than I would? Most of these people, in person, don't act like this. It's just on facebook that it appears to be a contest about who's got it the best, with "happy 5 month anniversary" and "happy 8 month anniversary" and "what wedding dress will I pick" and "my baby is 5 months old omg" and "3333333" spammed all over. With summer vacation coming up, they've even started bragging about their vacations, together as a couple of course. Because that's what ultra happy couples do, they go on exotic vacations together. Last year it all gave me a feeling that these people live happy perfect lives and go on expensive holidays, and love to brag about it. Makes me feel that if I don't comment something up the lines of that, it means my life must be boring and miserable.In real life, they aren't like this! In real life, except for the one with a newborn baby, they talk about normal things like life in general, or school, or work, or other normal daily life things. But on facebook... seems like it's all about who's got the best relationship, and so many people comment with "awws" and "how cute" etc. While I just want to throw up. So, my basic question is: any idea why I feel so hostile towards these expressions of love? Am I jealous, or are they annoying? Am I reading too much into this, and maybe they aren't bragging, just oblivious to how much they glorify their own relationships?
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anniversary, facebook, jealous, on holiday, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): Annoying agreed.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 Great post and I can SO relate to this!! I've never really understood this desire for PDA on social networking sites and it annoys the hell out of me. I never talk about my BF or discuss him in public, because its not necessary. Some things are better personal. I dont need to post updates about what he's gifting me, or how he kissed me or where we're going for a weekend break.
I might be wrong here, but from what I've observed of people, the really satisfied, contented ones never discuss their relationships. Its the one's who need to console themselves that "oh yes, everything's hunky-dory", do this in public. I've seen extremely unhappy married couples unnecessarily try to validate their "relationship" by saying..."oh everything's fine and I love him so much and he completely adores me", when the whole world knows its the exact opposite.
On another tangent, I have a friend who's from a not-so-happy family, but she and her sister try to show the world that we're the happiest family EVER. They behave like they're the only two sisters' in the world who love each other and there are facebook updates saying "I've sent your birthday gift...hope you get it soon" and "oh I miss you so"...all this when they live together. I was wondering why they do it...I mean I dont love my brother any less, but I give him a call and talk to him, I dont need to post this on facebook!!
I figure now that deep down its a kind of insecurity to appear perfect to the world, when you yourself know things are not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): You're very welcome. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your answers, I feel better now knowing Im not the only one who is annoyed by this!
I'm in a relationship myself, but I haven't listen my relationship status on facebook, nor do I have any pictures of me and my boyfriend snuggled up on there, nor do I leave messages of that kind. If I want to tell him I love him, I give him a call.
Maybe that's just what it is though, the others are forcing their intimacy and personal business on to others. I asked my brother who dislikes this as well, and he advised me to learn how to screen through all of these messages, haha. Or to just downright block them or delete them as friends on facebook. After all, we can still be friends in real life if not on facebook.
Thanks again for making me feel sane!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): I block those as well. Most of the people I have on facebook are, like me, fairly private and not too chatty, but I have many FarmVille friends (the only reason I even sign in to facebook) whom I have never met. Some of them post all sorts of things unrelated to the game and it's just wall clutter to me. When people make public what should be private they are forcing their intimacy on others. For me, it's akin to accidentally walking in on someone using the washroom. Not because are both disgusting, but because are both private.Some of these messages are just downright gushy and immature and it grates on me seeing others humiliate themselves. Grown men and women who send out these hugs and hearts surely don't also send out Care Bear cards on Valentiunes Day do they? Doing it online doesn't make it any less ridiculous.So, no, you are not alone. And I don't think you're feeling jealous or envious. Just intruded upon.
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female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 Any idea while you're hostile? Because it's ANNOYING. Oh dear god, know how you feel. I hate it so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): I really do agree with you that it gets very annoying, so I don't think that you are jealous, lots of people find it very annoying that couples do this over the internet on social networking sites rather than in person. It seems fake to me when people act that way online and not like they would when you talk to them in person. You should just try to ignore their posts but if it gets too much you could always block them
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A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 It IS annoying. I don't witness what you call "heart spamming" as frequently as you seem to, but I can't help but roll my eyes when couples constantly write on their other half's wall all sorts of lovey dovey messages. There was one guy on my Friends list whose girlfriend used to CONSTANTLY write on his wall things like "I love you!" "I'm missing you so much baby, can't wait until tomorrow" "Guess what happened 4 months and 5 hours and 23 minutes ago... yes - you asked me out!" I'm not even exaggerating with that last one [although I did make up the numbers], it was just ridiculous. And when people write in their status "Can't wait to see *tags boyfriend's name" tomorrow, I've missed you!" I just don't see the point! Can't you call or text them? Or even write directly on their wall?Anyway... it is annoying and sometimes sickening, haha, but you have to question whether or not your feelings are ones of bitterness. Because there might be the slight element of envy, here. It's natural, because we constantly hear from so many areas of life that it's great to be in a relationship, and by a certain age you "should have" done this that and the other, and then when you're single, people say "Aw don't worry, you'll find someone." Erm, I'm not worrying? Ha. I think you should just find reasons to be happy being single so that you don't envy people in relationships. If you analyse your feelings and come to the conclusion that in fact you're not jealous in any way shape or form, then just block certain status updates [as you've said you've done] or perhaps deactivate Facebook altogether.
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