A
male
age
51-59,
*heeAlligator
writes:I am a 38yr old male dating a 20yr old male who was a virgin. We have had sex, though I have not penetrated him. He is still wanting to wait, and I am fine with that. We have been together for 4 months (as of last night)and he has started masturbating a lot at home, before coming to see me later in the day. When we end up having sex, he's sluggish about it and it just takes longer. he also complains about how I like to get off (I am into being very "verbal" in bed)..It's what I like. he like to have oral performed on him. I work at it for 30 minutes when he has NOT jerked off that day, yet on days he has already jerked off, it takes him an hour to orgasm. After he has orgasmed, he has no desire to return the favor and almost puts up a stink about it. I think his lack of stimulation is coming from 2 things: his almost "need" now (all of a sudden the past few weeks) to masturbate in the morning alone; and quite possibly also the fact that he is VERY curious as to what it is like to have sex with another person. I lived through this situation before when I was 21 and dated a 19 year old virgin. The break up nearly killed me emotionally and now that I am older, I know what will happen, that sooner or later he will leave me. I love him so much, so much that when the ideas of us getting a little "space" (we spend like every day together)it throws me into a clinical depression. As far as the "older/younger" thing, I am in fact YOUNG for his taste in men. The idea of him being with another man (when we are having sex, talking fantasy) drives me wild with excitement. But when he talks about cruising online for another guy, it just makes me feel horrid. Like I wrote, I know sooner or later--he will leave me out of curiosity, but I don't know what to do to keep his attention on me: like so he does not masturbate before coming to see me; so he calls me on the phone like he used to, not me calling him first all the time now; him coming to see me straight after work or school.. not doodling around the house for 2 hours, then coming to see me cos it's almost like a friggin' chore to him. I know, it's complicated and I would appreciate any advice given. Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): Dear friend,
Please just leave before you end up emotionally destroyed again. Leave on you rown terms and do not look back - men of this age do not know who they are or what they want, and they will look for others.
I felt horrid for a year and begged my 20 year old boyfriend, who I really loved, to stop cruising online and stop treating me badly. He promised me would stop, and I believed him, but I found out later that he never did.
Your heart will be shattered by someone who is not mature enough to take your relationship or your needs seriously. They do not know how us in our 30's are. Don't end up like me and leave, it will hurt but it's better.
A
male
reader, TheeAlligator +, writes (27 May 2011):
TheeAlligator is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks "Boonridge". Yeah, I know he is interested in others and I hate that sexual selfishness that is rearing it's ugly head.
Obviously, sex is being used as a weapon, but you have to expect that from people who can get away with it. People will generally fall to the most despicable level that reality allows them to operate in and still maintain the comfort zone.
Of course I am hooked on the sex and I do love him very very much, but at what cost?
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 if someone only wants you to gratify them but wont return the favour that stems from a lack of respect for/interest in you.
sounds like he is selfish.
are you sure he is even that into you? he is new to things and may want more experiences out of life. you may be in different places due to the age gap and experience gap.
only you can answer these questions and decide how to proceed
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