A
female
age
51-59,
*madwife
writes:My husband of 10 1/2 years says he didn't cheat on me. However, I don't believe him and want him to take a lie detector test. He said, "I will not take one because of my integrity. And, I know I didn't do anything." So, my question is...if he didn't do anything, why not take one to prove that he is inoccent, save our marriage, rebuild my trust, elimate the stress on us and our children, etc. So, here's the story..He has been home in the day pretty frequently since Oct due to work (he's in construction) and is on the computer alot. Its between 8:30am-noon when I'm at the gym or store, picking/dropping off the kids, etc. He always clears the toolbar history so I can't see what he is looking at. Whatever, I know its porn or something like that. So, during Christmas while we were visiting his family in the midwest, a text message was sent to his phone at 2:00am. It was a naked girl. I didn't confront him at the time because I wanted to do some investigating. Jan 09, my car broke and I had to use his truck at the last second to pick up the kids. I had a few extra minutes in the school pick up line and started looking through his truck. In his ashtray I found over 40 business card and sticky notes w/girls names, phone numbers and even descriptions of what they looked like. ex: Ash, brown hair, wow, w/phone #. Hookers, right? All the business cards were from massage parlors. Went to get a massage w/a happy ending? So I confront him a week later after I examined his phone records, called phone numbers, etc. To this day, it is eating him up. He won't admit to anything. He said he didn't do anything but he was just looking for a real massage. And, he was holding on the the #'s in case he ever needed them. I text and call the naked girl from his phone # and she will text back "Hey baby, hope your days great how about 2:30?" He said she has no idea who it is. I'm sick, he's sick,our kids see us fighting, its not right. I just want him to admit and tell the truth, but he won't. Then I'll leave because once a cheater always a cheater. So, if he is telling the truth, why not get the lie detector like I ask? So, today he said, I will buy you the car you want and a house then take the test and prove that I am innocent but you can't come back. WTHeck? Backwards idiot..take the test to prove if you are inoccent, if not, goodbye and good luck. The hard part is, I have 3 children, 13, 10, 8 who feel our stress. I can't bring them into this and I don't want them to be divided between us. It would kill them not to be tucked in at night from both of us, etc. 1 more thing, when I asked him, "why didn't you tell me you were getting massages?" He said, "because I knew you would have a fit like this" I said, "how long?" His first response, "I don't know, a while, 6 months" I asked him again, "how long?" He said, "About a year" It goes on, and on, and on...
View related questions:
christmas, escort, porn, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, topnick  +, writes (6 February 2013):
I love females all of them. I wont take a lie test either as it would get me into trouble with my partner because i cheated early on in our relationship. That should not matter now but i know with my partner it would i would never hear the end of it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): Be brave hun! Stick by your decision! Best of luck! If you ever need to talk, all of us aunts are always here! :0)
...............................
A
female
reader, 1madwife +, writes (14 February 2009):
1madwife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is still in denial and won't fess up. The counselor thinks our marriage can be saved but not if I don't trust him. It will always hang over my head. Thanks again for your advise, encouragement, comments and stories. You have made my decision easier...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): Everytime I watch the Maury Povich show where they're doing lie detector tests, I always wonder why the women want the lie detector tests, especiallly when they tell their stories and its pretty much clear to the world that the men are lying.
You don't need a lie detector test. You already know the truth. Him taking the test would (and should) only be to prove to yourself what you already know and give you the strength to leave him. And frankly, the fact that he doesn't want to take it speaks volumes.
You already know the truth... what you do now is up to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): Lie detector tests are only 80 to 85 percent accurate. That means 1 out of every 5 test results are inaccurate. That's too high, if you ask me. If you don't trust him, there are reasons why you don't trust him. Deal with those reasons. Trust is a two way street. If your guy is telling you the truth, what might you be doing to compromise the trust in your relationship?
...............................
A
female
reader, 1madwife +, writes (13 February 2009):
1madwife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to for all your responses. He told me that he is going to see a counselor today for our issues. I am going to go as well to make sure he tells the counselor the truth..since he is a cheater..I will write again this evening. Thanks again
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 February 2009):
 He ain't telling the truth. Come on, who keeps numbers of sex-workers, oops sorry massagers, around just in case he needs them? It is trivially easy to find REAL massages and equally trivial to seperate them from the "massage" places.
He has been using hookers and is caught in a jam. If he confesses you are out of there and if he tries to bluff the lie-detector he knows he is going to fail because he knows he is lying. He is trying to bluff you with no cards. Well except those cards of the sex-workers but you are holding them.
Get tested for STD's and make a choice what you want to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (13 February 2009):
 Get the new car. Get the new house (bigger I hope, with enough extra rooms upstairs that you can rent out to college students or single office workers to earn extra income in these hard times). But tell him if he took the test and failed, HE could TAKE A HIKE and you get everything. Even the CDs :-) He can visit the kids anytime but he'll need your consent to enter your "sanctuary" (i.e. your home that is) ;-)
Cat
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): Polygraph tests are junk science. Truthful people often fail, while liars can easily fool the polygraph. Polygraphs are the stuff of trashy television talk shows. They're not something you should base a relationship on. See www.antipolygraph.org for more on why the lie detector is not the answer.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): Your suspicions are well-founded. I've always been of the opinion that, if you suspect he is cheating (especially when you have SO MUCH proof), it's more than likely that he is. He's not going to take the lie-detector test. Forget about it. Throw that idea out the window, because he will never go for it. Your intuition is telling you that he has been unfaithful, and your fighting is hurting your children. I hate to say it, but you need to move on. You're never going to trust him again. You'll always have that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach over it. And even if you decide you don't want to leave him, you'll always have to keep investigating and keep digging and keep trying to uncover something he's done wrong, until it drives you both insane. I know it can be hard because you have children involved, but staying together for their sakes will only hurt them more in the end. You know in your heart what needs to be done. You know whether or not you really trust him. Make this decision for yourself. No one deserves to be cheated on and lied to and toyed with like that. Can you forgive him for this? I really hope everything works out for you. Take care of yourself. I wish you the best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, SoftlyCaress  +, writes (13 February 2009):
 I will tell you this if he has nothing to hide he should take it and if he does then he needs to come clean and start a fresh way.As for having numbers and description on people that does massages what the heck does it matter what they look like what should matter is how well they do their job.I would kinda stick to my guns and find out cause if he is sleeping around then you are sleeping with him then you are also sleeping with the ones he is sleeping with and that just isnt right .Also if you feel you cant trust him to yourself a favor and move on and find someone you can trust cause all you are going to do is drive yourself crazy and also depress yourself and it isnt good for you or the kids .......
...............................
|
