A
female
age
41-50,
*uby
writes:me and my partner argue alot over stupid things like eg house work and animals etc i love him to bits but if he shouts abusive words at me i see red and lash out please please help me before it gets serously out of hand i am scared ive got scitzophrenia i am currently diagnosed with dispraxia which is a nervous disorder thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): Well first dispraxia is a condition that effects your gross motor skills, language and even your ability to organize and plan what to do, like what order you need to do something as simple as packing a car trunk or doing the laundry.
Your boyfriend may not understand what exactly it is that you have a struggle with and he needs to be educated. He is being judgemental towards you and may be frustrated that you can't do things up to what his standards are.
It is really no excuse for him to shout abusive words at you and you even have difficulty dealing with negative outside influences because of your condition.
I agree that if you want to stay in this relationship, your partner needs to be educated and learn everything there is to know about dispraxia and living with that disorder and what he needs to do to help you.
Seek out some professional help first from your physician, have him go to the appointment and discuss these issues with your doctor in front of him...and then ask for a referral to a counselor or therapist who can help you work out these issues.
Short of that, if he continues to be verbally abusive towards you then you are much better off out of the relationship.
Things do not have to be 50/50 as far as household chores are concerned, rather than passive aggressively refusing to help or to do certain chores, speak with your partner and divide certain responsibilities up amongst yourselves and have a joint agreement and understanding of what is each person's job, that way, you have nothing to really argue about, everyone is on the same page.
Relationships are not tit for tat, but they do need to be fair and most of all they need to be negotiated.
So cut yourself some slack and take on the responsibility of educating your boyfriend about the special challenges you face because of your physical disorder....it is similar to cerebal palsy, but perhaps not quite as severe or dibillitating. I am not familiar with it so I can't advise you on everything concerning it, but I have given you some solutions to your problem, or at least a start in the right direction.
Take care.
A
female
reader, SugarBear  +, writes (28 October 2009):
 He should not be saying anything abusive to you over housework... First the relationship has to be equal and everything done in the house is 50/50 everyone knows that. Dont fight over the little crap. Pull yourself together and dont get hysterical over anything... when/if he gets you all worked up. just walk away,, practice breathing deeply a few times. leave the room, leave the house or maybe get out of this relationship are you even happy with him... Like I said dont sweat the small stuff,
I figured out that I did everything at first then got sick of it, so I started doing less. and I would even leave his dishes in the sink for a week until he did his own, I am not his mother after all, I also left his laundry until he started helping me with it all. Of course he pouts about it and sometimes is a total ass about it but to bad hes not a child and your not his mother..
. Do not allow a man to put you down or call you names or make it seem like its all your fault or you will go crazy. He knows he needs to help out around the house but hes being a bully and making you do it with scarring you.Is he pushing your buttons on purpose to piss you off? thats not good. Its not right or nice. He needs to be taught a lesson in sharing responsibility.... You can do it just stand up for yourself, so like I said when you start to feel anxious or like your going to lose it, count to 10, take a deep breath, leave the room leave the house, stop doing anything, keep your cool, dont have a meltdown. DONT LET HIM GET THE BEST OF YOU. OK whats that saying Never let them see you sweat baby.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (28 October 2009):
 Easy answer. Get out of the sick relationship with the man who "shouts abuse at you". When people 'love each other to bits', they don't treat each other like rubbish. You don't 'love' each other at all, you are both just caught up in a co-dependency trip and suffer from delusions of romance.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 October 2009):
I think this needs professional counselling. More than anything, you need to understand why you're so nervous and angry. Could there be something in your past that's really hurting you? I don't think you have schizophrenia, but you do sound terribly nervous, as if you feel you're under attack and have to defend yourself as quickly as you can against everything. Do you know why you feel this way? Whether you do or don't, I'd say the best thing you can do is talk to someone about it before it gets worse. One dsy you might cause damage to someone you love, and they may not come back to you. Don't be afraid to find help. You've come here, which is a great start. All the best.
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