A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with the same person for 8 years, and we actually almost have the perfect realtionship, we pretty much best friends. The problem is the sex. I have NO desire what-so-ever. Im 28 years old. Im off the pill because I thought that was the problem. There is a couple things that I know make me NOT want to have sex. #1 he only last a few minutes, so YES its a chore for me. #2 he doesnt like to "Warm me up" and #3 he insistanly tries to play with or go for the NO GO back hole. I HATE that. Before you ask .... YES ive talked to hima bout all those things and hes promised to make a effort, but I still dont want to have sex. Its ruining our realtionship, and Im pretty sure hes gonna dump me for it one day. Can anyone explain why a healthy 28 year old has no desire for sex???????
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best friend, no desire, the pill Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): You are very normal. As women our sex drive goes up as we get into our thirties and forties, just as a mans starts to decline. I was the same at your age and that changed when I hit forty.I do agree with Caring guy that you both can do things to enhance it however.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 October 2009):
You've answered your own question! He only lasts a few minutes, he doens't like to warm you up and he doens't seem to listen to you when you tell him not to play with the back hole. No wonder you're finding sex a chore! He's going to have to make a really great effort to get you feeling sexy again. The problem (as you've found), is that unlike men, women do need a lot of time spendt on them to warm them up. Guys can be there in about a second. For women, it takes time, and if the time isn't spent, then you're not going to enjoy it, then you're going to find it a chore and really not be in the mood. That's what has happened. He hasn't put in enough effort, and it's left you feeling perhaps unsexy and an quite rightly annoyed, so you've been put off. The only way to find your inner sex kitten again is to start all over and get to know his body and let him get to know yours. Yes, that may sound like a chore, but you'll find that if he really does put the effort in (and this means really listening to you and what you enjoy), you'll start to enjoy it again. There's nothing wrong with you at all, he's just not spent enough time on you. Try experimenting (with what you would like to, not what he wants to do), and enjoy getting to know your body. You're a woman, not his toy.
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