A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Agony Aunts/Uncles/And everyone else,I am painfully shy, and I am already 21. I have only been in one relationship and that was with a girl, the problem with that is that I am gay. And so in that relationship back in the day there was no conventional relationship, so realistically I have never been kissed but that's a separate problem on the side. I have always felt pretty disconnected to people, I get stiff when anyone even a relative hugs me. And back in the day I could get away with pretending it wasn't a big deal, as I get older (which I know 21 is not old) I feel as if I have missed the train. I want to love and be loved by a guy. Now lately, that's hard to find. I have been liked before, but it seems that was when I was ambivalent about the whole situation. Now when I want to be liked (and this has been for almost a few years) it seems no one likes me, but I sure tend to be vulnerable and fall for people quick. I definitely know people will not just fall out of the sky, and I need to get out there so I am doing my best and I feel like I am succeeding with meeting new people in my classes. Again though, the problem is more finding someone who mutually likes me and not coming off desperate all the while. (10 hours later) Onto my problem, there's this guy at my school. I am not even sure if he's gay, but many times when I seem to be interested in a guy he happens to be gay like 85% of the time. So in that aspect I am lucky, the problem is I run into him every single day and I know he sees me frequently too. We end up in the same areas of campus by accident at least three times in the week. Anyway, I was wondering what is the best way of approaching a stranger and just starting a conversation? Even if it is not love, he intrigues me and that's a good start. I am very shy, and that's always how I have been. In classes, it's very easy for me to strike a conversation, but in random public areas it becomes a whole different thing for me. Also, assuming I finally get the courage to talk to him, how can I maintain the interest of the person so it will not be just a "hello goodbye" type of conversation. Any help on any of this would be greatly appreciated, and I apologize ahead of time for how incoherent this writing is. When I think about a situation like this, I can't seem to articulate it well enough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice to the both of you. I see it as something feasible, when he's near me, but then I just choke up and the thing is I don't know what classes he has. I see him everywhere where I happen to be, and I feel like today I may have creeped him out, but it wasn't intentional I literally had to walk near where he was located a couple times and then when he left, I left to almost the same location because my car was stationed very close to his. I didn't follow him, as it turns out just when I thought he was plain out of sight, he was sitting in his car near my own so that's how I spotted him. I see him everywhere...and I know he sees me too, I just hope he doesn't think I am following him. We're just in the same places outside of class all around at the same time...
Yeah...
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (7 October 2010):
 If you can think of something that you two have in common, say the assignment from class, or some activity (sports, theatre, shop class, gym class... it can be anything)... you can always walk up and ask or comment about the common interest/activity. Once you've broke the ice talking about the 'common' activity you can then steer the conversation in whatever direction you want. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, StevenRoss  +, writes (5 October 2010):
Hi, I understand where you are coming. My confidence has improved hugely over the last few years, but talking to a stranger out in a public place is a no go.
On Sunday night I was in a pub with some friends, a few left as it was getting late, I was just finishing my pint when a guy sat down next to me and said "hi", it was as simple as that. The conversation wasn't the easiest at first, but because there was a mutual attraction we carried on talking through those first awkward moments.
I think it seems a lot harder than it is, if someone began talking to you, you would respond out of politeness if nothing else. So will he, try it, you should have a lot to speak about.. what is he studying? mention you see him around quite often (if he is gay I'm sure he will take this as a compliment), where does he go and drink? whereabouts does he live? where is he from? how is he finding his course?
When I was at university, especially during freshers weeks, it was so easy to talk to people because everyone is in the same situation and everyone has something in common and something to talk about.
Try it, it may not work this time but at the very least it will do wonders to your confidence.
Good luck.
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