| A ,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend now for just over 2 years. We do love each other but there is one barrier - he will not take on anyone else's child. I have a son from a previous relationship. He has a son from his previous too, whom he sees every weekend. We all get on well but he will not consider us ever living together whilst we have the children. We are both in our early 40's. He means so much to me but I would like to think our relationship is heading somewhere. Can you help? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): What worked for me was this: After my wife died I made the decision not to date until my children were out of highschool. They were always first. I spent thirteen years without an intimate female relationship. It was tough but worth it. Your son does not need to feel rejected by another male in his mom's life.
A
reader, Your big sis +, writes (6 June 2005):
 I have a son from a previous relationship so I know first-hand your situation. Ask yourself this question: Who matters to me first? My boyfriend or my son? I hope the answer is the latter or you have a serious problem. A loving parent always puts their child first in any situation. I feel bad for your son that you are in a crossroads over this! And what makes everything worse is your boyfriend has his own child from HIS previous relationship. What a hypocrite! I hope you see your own error in this. Stop wasting your time with this man. You and your son deserve better. It's a decision I made myself long ago and now I'm spending the rest of my days with a wonderful man who accepts my son as his own. Good men ARE out there! Wait and see!
...............................
A
reader, Christie +, writes (31 May 2005):
You should ask him about his feelings on the matter in more detial. It may well be that his pride is damaged because the child wouldnt be his, but having the two of you living together would not be a problem with the children. Tell him how you feel, put forward your argument gently and in a non confrontational way and hopefully he will understand and give you a reason for why, or he may even decide it could be better to move in together. Take care.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2005): Is this something he promised his son’s mother or did he make thisdecision? He is probably worried that if you live together his son wouldfeel pushed out because your son would have your boyfriend fulltime whilehis son only at weekends.But it could work if done with a great deal of sensitivity ( lots of peoplemake it work really well.)so try discussing this with him . It would be important that his son sawyour joint home as his home too and that he spent lots of time with you asa family while also having his father to himself sometimes. If possible heshould have his own room with his things in it. Sometimes he could visitwhen your son is with his father then he too could feel the only kid on theblock. With these things in place hopefully your partner will see thattogether you could give his son the love and security that he needs. Your two children need a happy home with two lovingpeople - a good environment for all children.
...............................
|
