A
female
age
36-40,
*missyourkisses
writes:This guy and I have many mutual friends. For months we kept running into each other at parties and finally about 7 months later I kissed him out of nowhere. He explained to me how he had been trying to find out more about me for months and try to talk to me but he just got nervous around me. At the time I was planning to move to another state so I didnt think anything could become of us . Because of that I initiated sex. We went on two dates later that week. He went out of town for a week and called me freqently. he also texts me everyday. We went on one more date before I was going to leave but then my plans to move fell through. Since then (two weeks) we haven't been on any dates but see each other 2 to 3 times a week because we are in the same friend group and continue to sleep together. A mutual friend told me he really likes me.My dilemma is that since I'm staying in town I would like to date him.I love being around him and the sex is great. My problem is should I, or how do I become less available, if we have the same friends? I can't just so hanging out with my friends. Should I stop sleeping with him? Should I accept that we might have turned into a friends with benefits situation? I don't want to ask him for exclusivity, I want him to bring that up.
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 COngratulations
A
female
reader, imissyourkisses +, writes (13 January 2013):
imissyourkisses is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the good advice guys! He asked me to be his gf yesterday and I didn't even have to bring it up! I guess good guys do exist :)
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (13 January 2013):
Duh! Obviously he likes you. He took on dates.
Maybe you should say to him next time he calls for his booty call, "oh I can't I'm busy tonight but you can take me out on .......". Be flirty and cheeky.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): Why is it that when you want something to happen your first thoughts are to play some idiotic games? Seriously OP you need to ask yourself why the very effective and quite simple method of talking isn't top of your list.
Cut off sex, go cold, where did you get the idea that they're good things to do?
Simple, tell him you like him, tell him that you're interested in more than just sex and see what he says.
It's not rocket science and I think you'll find talking is a very good way to resolve issues. Make it top of the list of things you think of when it comes to anything relationship related OP, it will serve you well. Games solve nothing.
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (13 January 2013):
If you wait for him to come up with that, he'll probably never will. If you want something, go get it. Men aren't psychic, they cannot sense what you want, so you're the one who has to tell him how you feel and hope he'll return those feelings.
If you just cut off the sex he won't understand why and if you just try giving him hints he'll probably miss them. So just put it on the table. Tell him you want to be in a proper relationship with him.
Now, keep in mind that unless he's sincerely interested in you, he won't like to let go of this sweet little deal he's got going on (having sex with you and any other gal he chooses). If that's the case, it would be better to stop having sex and stop seeing him at all because you'll just get hurt.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): If you cut off sex now it will not make him respect you more. It will make him respect you even less.
Men don't respect a woman who makes them wait just because they like waiting. The woman is giving the impression that she lives by those values. A woman who only makes men wait when she thinks there is relationship potential does not really live by those values. That is just pretending to have those values when the image is useful to her.
Talk to this guy and tell him how you feel. He may or may not want to be exclusive with you. Depends.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 Communicate. Don't sit and wait to see if he'll bring that up, you will stress yourself out. Call the dude and tell him whats on your mind. Don't be immature and not say anything.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 January 2013):
Yeah I agree with honeypie, you should talk to him. Quitting having sex with him is game playing, especially if you both know you like each other.
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A
female
reader, candice m. smith  +, writes (13 January 2013):
Hi imissyourkisses first of all if you really love this guy and you want something serious with him then forget about the sex for now.when you officially win his heart there could be plenty of sex; but for now I think you have to find out his status, what he is really like.Dig deep into his life to find out everything you need and you should know otherwise you may end up with a broken heart. You said the sex is great. What if he thinks the same “I’m playing along because she likes sex she thinks it’s great" Don't sell yourself so cheaply. My thing is love comes before sex relationships that starts with sex always ends up in disasters.That's why I'm in this mess today.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2013):
 If you want more and you think HE wants more, why play games? Why not straight out tell him? Honestly, what do you have to lose?
But YES if you want to DATE him - then stop having sex, go on dates that doesn't involve sex. Spend time with him, get to know the guy.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (13 January 2013):
 I would not stop sleeping with him if the occasion comes up, but I would definitely spend more time with him on dates and trying to get to know him. If he has been sincerely interested in you from the beginning that interest won't be lost just because you started with sex.
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