A
male
age
26-29,
*rBigShot110
writes:A while back (about a month or so now) I met a girl who seemed pretty interseted in me. We would text back and forth basically every day. Only issues was that it would get more and more boring each day. I asked her if she wanted to do something the weekind after I met her. She declined because of a family Christmas party she was going to. We talked through the first part of the next week. This is where I messed up. When conversations would die out, my desperation would rear it's head and I forced talk (this is all over text) with meaningless questions hoping to keep talking to her. I could feel her slipping away, but I couldn't stop myself. The last time it started dying, I asked another question and never got an answer. I told her I was going to sleep so that it would be me ending the conversation. After a two day wait, I texted her asking what she would be doing the next day and again got no reply. I know I bored her away, but I need to know if there's anything I can do or if I should just move on. I'm tired of rejection. This will be the 19th straight one.
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 Ouch! 19th one! Well the good thing is you're not put off by it. The bad thing is you've made the same mistakes 19 times!
Best to start relationships by face-to-face dating than by text/email/long phone calls. That's for wimps and girls DO NOT want a wimp.
"When conversations would die out, my desperation would rear it's head and I forced talk (this is all over text) with meaningless questions hoping to keep talking to her"
So why do you keep talking for so long? You were asking meaningless questions hoping to keep talking to her? Well, that's not going to impress her is it? What you're saying to her when you do that is "please talk to me some more, I want to be on the phone with you, I'm here for you so much I'm going to hang on every word you say, you're so lovely and please speak to me some more".
Pathetic eh?
Here's what you do MrBigShot... Next time you get a girls number DO NOT call her for hours on end and DO NOT text her all the time. Wait a week, then give her a call, have a SHORT conversation (5-10 minutes) and ask her out on a date.
Plan the date beforehand and give her plenty of notice. On say, Tuesday ask her out for the Sunday; "How about we go to Joe's and shoot some pool and get a burger on Sunday at 1 o'clock?" or whatever. Once the date is confirmed say "nice talking to you" and HANG UP.
If she says she can't do Sunday but says "I'm busy Sunday but can we make it Tuesday evening?" Then you're in.
If she says "I'm busy Sunday" but doesn't give you a better day then SHUT UP and say "ok let's make it some other time, nice talking to you". And then don't call her for another week. And do the same again. If she still can't make it and still doesn't offer another day, then she isn't interested.
Do not beg her for dates. If she can't make it and doesn't suggest a better day/time then you're out. Nothing personal so don't take it personal. She isn't interested. Get another girls number and try again.
No calling or texting at all before the date MyClingy! If you do this, you'll have nothing to talk about on the date. You also don't want to seem clingy.
If she texts or calls before the date with some lame excuse then just say "ok, that's a shame, no problem" and HANG UP. Don't call her again. She's not interested.
Keep the date to just an hour/hour and half and then YOU finish it (before she does). Say you got to go do something... I got an essay to finish or something and then see her out/home.
What you've done is you've become too needy. Texting and calling her all the time is a big turn off. You didn't bore her away. You turned her off by being too needy/clingy. By asking meaningless questions to keep her talking to you, what you were doing is was kind of begging her to talk to you.
Don't worry though. You're only young. I've made this mistake loads of times and only got it down about 5 years ago. So you got time on your hands buddy!
Texting and emails are no way to start relationships. A short phone call conversation and then ask for the date. Confidently. Don't worry if you get blown off a few times you try this. You'll get it down soon enough with a girl who is interested.
If you want anymore advice send me a mail. I can't guarantee how often I check them but I do my best.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 January 2013):
Maybe you're no good at beginning relationships by texting.
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