A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Been seeing someone for about four months for only one day a week, she don't have any more time for me, it's really good that one day a week, I told her I looked her up on Facebook, she got really mad an said not to do that again and block me, am I being to nosey, looking her up on Facebook, we go out to eat, movies, dancing, only in my town, we live twenty miles apart,sex is great, she has met my friends but I haven't met any of her,s.I spend the one night at her place, she won't even go into my house, am I being used for a bit toy
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 May 2020):
 Rose petal guy?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2020): CindyCares might have a point; but I'll give you benefit of the doubt. You may be a bit of a rascal; and enjoy the frenzy of uncles and aunts trying to come-up with an insightful answer; but you may be making up stories, just to see what (or how many) responses you'll get. I'm game, I'll go for the bait!
Considering, most of our posts are from women; and men are often portrayed as indifferent after sex, they may not quickly respond to messaging, or they go silent without any explanation...ghosting after a few contacts, or a date or two. Let's presume you're the "equalizer;" hoping to give us guys a break from being the antagonists, or goblins, in most of the horror-stories we receive regarding troubled-marriages and rocky-relationships.
At the risk of sounding ageist; I'm going to take a leap, and suppose that these women are much younger than you. You may be somewhat of a hipster...good-looking for an older-gentleman, perhaps financially-comfortable; and you still like to go-out dancing, partying, or whatever.
If each and every-time you get the same results, and turn-out being the one getting played; it's because you may be over-selling yourself, and trying too hard. You're likely a charmer, you have a way with women to some degree; but something about you surfaces once you think they're reasonably interested. You may be spending too much money on them, and expecting that to establish a romantic-connection. The way they see it, you're good for at-least one tumble in bed; after a good-time out, or giving them a fantasy-evening they'll never forget. They probably haven't had male-company for awhile; and you are probably a total prince, compared to the previous line of predecessors who were total dicks.
You may have a great facade; but apparently they see through you after a few dates, dear sir. As a mature-gentleman, sometimes it's harder to change old-habits. Whatever you've repeated that seems to be consistent in every failed love-connection...stop doing it! If you like a "type;" maybe it's time to try someone different from your usual choice of attributes, personality, and character. Maybe you've tried to fit these women into a mold left behind by someone you used to care a lot for. That never works out. Nothing is more insulting or hurtful than to be compared to someone else.
I would venture to guess you know how to show a lady a good-time. You spend money on a great evening, you probably have a really great house, a nice car; and therefore, you presume you should have your way. You might come across as though they owe you something. You might also have a little bit of the creep-factor in you, maybe just a tad! Let's say, it's a tolerable amount; but you know how to suppress or hide it. All the same, women hate that!
They can also see through fake-charm; and they will play you, to see what they can get out of it. Especially, if you like to flash cash to impress the ladies. If you tend to seek younger-females, or women you assume might be a little on the kinky side. You'll run into gold-diggers; and undercover sex-workers, whose side-hustle is posing as date-seekers on the internet. Well-to-do silver-foxes are their prime targets! Sometimes these guys are too wrapped-up in their inflated-egos and hauling-around their hefty-wallets to see when they've got a shark, or she-devil, on the hook! You may be a fine-gentleman, and a trusting person; but not every woman appreciates or deserves that. Such is life, and you're old enough to know that!
If I'm even remotely correct on any of my presumptions; I think if you come across as an "old-time player," some ladies have you pegged! They see you as a great challenge; and it becomes a battle of wits...to see who gets to play whom!!! You've won a few, but you've apparently lost more than you care to! Your game is a little rusty! Or worse...played-out!
If a woman secretly tracks you on social media; in the feminine-world, that's considered vetting you to determine what kind of man you are, and if you're up to no-good. If a guy does it; sometimes that's a sign this guy might be a potential "stalker." In my book, they're both one in the same. Anything you need to know about somebody, come right-out and ask them! Don't go sneaking around. How are you anymore trustworthy, if you have to hide what you're doing, or you're snooping for an unfair advantage?
Entertaining women and romancing them doesn't get you what you might have gotten 20-plus years ago, my friend!
You're dealing with a different kind of women in the 21st-century! Some feel they have something to prove, some want to get-even for womankind, some are women-scorned; and some are just a bad-choice, and you didn't see it coming. I think it's safe to say you're dealing with a combination of these.
When you've "hit" the wrong "miss;" you backup, delete, block, and move on. If she gets miffed, because she felt spied upon or violated in someway; she may have a right to be. Be that the case, you ditch her and her high-and-mighty ways; and go about your business to continue on your search.
If anything I've said hits close to home, work on it!
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (22 May 2020):
You have fun together and you have great sex once a week. Are you complaining because you want sex more often? If so start dating other people. I’m sure she has someone else. A husband or live in boyfriend. Seems to me you have a good thing going why screw it up.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 May 2020):
 I am a bit perplexed….
I am pretty sure that this OP posted on DC before . His writing pattern and mannerisms are quite distinctive and recognizable, and I'd say he posted at least twice before, probably more, about similar issues.
Is there anything wrong with that ? Of course not , we have many repeat posters, everybody is welcome to contact DC as much as they need or want… BUT... there was also a pattern in the previous questions and situations. The OP courts somebody, is romantic, attentive etc,... dining, dancing etc.etc., … he does everything right, yet the woman is always elusive, cold, unfeeling, they never want to commit, they don't want to spend the night at his place, they keep him sort of hidden from family and friends…. and the OP bitterly complains that he feels used and exploited.
Now , I think it could either of two things : 1 ) none of this is true. The OP wants some attention, some compassion, some companionship,- and this is his way to get it.
2 ) it is all true, but when the same thing keeps happening with two, three… umpteen different women, . the only thing that these strangers have in common is YOU, OP, and the way you relate to your woman. So it's about time starting asking yourself : well, what is it that I do and repeat every time in every relationship, - and STOP doing it, because obviously is not working out well for you.
Who knows, it could be that you are too full on and get too attached too soon, before you and teh lady even know each otehr properly, so that you scare the ladu away and she feels she need to keep you at arm's length. It could be that you are confused about your wants and needs, and most of all about the way to let them be known: like, if you want a serious, stable relationship, why do you even bother with women who just want some casual fun ? There's not even any need to drag it on four months, if you are aiming for something serious… and she does not want you to meet her family and friends, does not want to be seen around with you etc.…. I'd say three dates and you have seen how the land lkies !, if you insist , and you keep getting the opposite of what you want, then you've got yourself to blame.
In short, who does not learn from history, is bound to repeat it. Maybe you should think long and hard, and with an open mind, what is the thing or pattern which you are repeating with these women and that sinks your ship every time…. and change that.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (20 May 2020):
 Whatever her issues, you two are quite obviously not on the same page when it comes to your relationship. You are looking for something a lot more serious than she is. She just wants a friends-with-benefits type of arrangement once a week with no strings or commitment. You, on the other hand, are looking for someone with whom you can share more quality time.
It doesn't look like she is going to change so you have two options: take it for what it is and don't demand any more from her, or draw a line under this ersatz relationship and find a real one. It really is as simple as that.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 May 2020):
 More than likely.
Very strange for her to get mad over Facebook. I’d be dodging this one.
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A
female
reader, hilary +, writes (20 May 2020):
 A lot of guys dream of being a woman's sexual toy and play thing who is only part of her life for entertainment and fun with no commitments. Especially at your age. But if you really want a long term and serious relationship with more time this lady is not for you, then you must end it. There are lots of women out there eager to find a man for something serious and committed who would appreciate you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 May 2020):
Yes, I think you read the situation right.
Someone can sleep with you ,eat with you, go to the movies and on dates, but BLOCKS you from their social media. That is someone (in my opinion) who doesn't WANT you for more than company and entertainment. And then there is the 1 day a week... Are you her Good Man Friday? Or Thursday?
I'd move on, find someone who wants you to be a part of her life and BE part of yours.
There is nothing wrong with checking out a potential partner's social media or sending them a friends-request. Just like many employers do this, who isn't a little curious to see what a potential partner does with her/his life and family? I'm not saying DIG through someone's social media, but they DO post all that stuff for the World to see, so why not you?
Yeah, I'd wish her well and block her from ALL contact. If you ARE looking for a partner in life, this one is wasting your time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2020): If someone was stupid enough to not set their face book to private of course I would look.Also if I was dating someone new I would also look on your city's online circuit court page and see if they have a record.Another thing I would do that is so easy is just Google their name and see what comes up.What I think is going on is your are side guy.She is already dating someone else or maybe even engaged.You are being used.The only thing you should worry about really right now is std.Seems like she gets around if she does not want you to meet her friends or go on her facebook.Do not risk your heart.But if you just want to play around ok but always use protection....You have no clue where she has been since you now know her morals are not that great.She will never be a girlfriend or a wife to you since she only used you for sex.Is this what you really want?
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (20 May 2020):
 I think its important to listen to your inner voice sometimes, your intuition.
It seems to me there are quite a few alarm bells here, enough to make me walk away and seek someone new.
Your seeing her once a week, and by the looks of it the chances of anything else materialising are rather slim.
She got offensive when you looked her up on Facebook. What is wrong with this, you are supposed to be seeing her, and she is acting like you started going through her mobile phone while she was in the toilet. No, this is not right, she holds all the cards, and is keeping you at a distance for a reason.
My advice, quit that once a week and go and find someone who gives you the love and respect that you deserve.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2020): I would imagine that this woman you are seeing is in a relationship and you are indeed her 'plaything'.
Otherwise why would she get angry about your presence on her facebook?
Otherwise why would you only go out in your town?
Otherwise why have you not met any of her friends?
The one night a week where you stay at her house, after going out in your town, is probably the one night her partner is away and as you are at her house, there is no risk that you'll bump into anyone she knows. The risk is of course that her partner comes home early and you become embroiled in a seedy scenario, where you are chased out of the house, or worse!
That's my take on what's going on here.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (20 May 2020):
 Are you being used as a side bit? Are you the romantic fling? Is there something she is hiding from you?
The answer to these questions is probably yes.
You are under no obligation to stay. She has blocked you. You can block her too.
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