A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey guys, well me and this girl have been dating over the phone for a year now and we havent met because she has trust and insecurity issues. Her last relationship was unhealthy with her ex abusing her sexually, physically and cheated on her as well, so i didnt want to pressure her too much so i decided to wait and give her time. The way we got talking was i was at a public place and had to give phone number info for a update with my account and she was there and over heard it, thought i was attractive and took down my number and she called me that night and we starting talking. Now we have made plenty of plans to meet but every time she says something comes up or she doesnt feel comptable yet. We have sent a ton pictures both ways and i really feel that me and her have connected in a special way and i would go and say that i have fell in love with her so that only makes it more difficult.My friends and family were supportive in the beginning but now are suspicious of her and i cant help the feeling as well. It makes me very insecure myself because she wont meet me. Sometimes i think about just breaking up with her but i cant do that. I wouldnt forgive myself cuz out of all the relationships i had i walked away when times were just too much. Now i have explained to her about how i feel and she just brings up the stuff about her ex saying its hard to love and trust again and i understand that but i say i have been here for a year and deserve a chance.Any advice would be nice cuz im really starting to break up, my mind keeps me thinking something isn't right about this and leads me to leave her but my heart doesnt wanna let go cuz i love this girl and would love to be with her more than just the phone. thanks
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (15 June 2009):
 I agree with the other advice and wanted to add that there's a good chance those aren't even her pictures. A whole year? In the words of the immortal Keith Sweat, something something just ain't right.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): I'm as much an optimist as anyone when it comes to being in love. I hate to say it but like the last reader answered, this isn't dating and it's not really a friendship. Maybe more of a simple pen pal.
You're putting a high value in someone you basically haven't met and you seem to be putting the burden of your happiness and self-esteem in someone else. You are only setting yourself up for disappointment later on. (believe me I know.)
She was uncomfortable and you gave her time. That was all you could do and you did it right. But if after a year she still won't meet you, I think it's time you move on. Who knows, maybe that's the wake-up she needs. But you have to move on without that "maybe" in mind. And if she doesn't get in touch with you then, you have the answer you were really looking for.
good luck
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