A
female
age
51-59,
*ardsgirl
writes:Me and my bf have been together for 2 1/2 yrs. I moved here to be with him after a long distance relationship.We both have two kids from other relationships that we raise. His ex wife cheated on him and left yrs ago and has never wanted him back until the day she found out i was in his life. I tried to warn him and tell him she was going to try to get him back but he told me i was just paranoid and trusted her.After a few months of some hard times in our relationship i found out they had been talking again and she wanted him back and he thought about it enough to put money down on a house for them to move into together, but at the last minute he came and told me about it and got his money back and told me he only wanted me and it was a big mistake. That the only reason he did it was because he thought we were breaking up and he needed a place to stay and someone to watch the kids while he worked.He said he loved me and wanted me. I believed him and we stayed together but after that he wouldnt let me around her. He would always take the kids to her house and drop them off and pick them and i wasnt allowed to go because he said he didnt want us fighting in front of the kids. Well i believed him and tried to let it go.I recently got sick and had to go to the er and while there found out i had an std. Which i knew right away meant that he had cheated on me because i havent been with any other than him since we got together. He broke down in the er and told me he had a one night stand with her. That she called him to her house to discuss the kids and even tho he was on his way to meet me for our date he dropped by there real quick to see what she wanted. Well they ended up kissing and then had sex. He said he didnt enjoy it but couldnt stop. He said he was to chicken to reject her and look less than a man. That he had always wanted her to want him just one more time so he could prove he was a man because she had cheated on him and rejected him. He said he was sick to his stomach the whole time and just wanted it over and that when it was he got up, cleaned up and left even tho she asked him to stay and came to meet me.He has been completely honest and answered all my questions. He isnt blaming anyone else but himself. He is being so completely different and loving since he told me and is now giving me the love i needed from him all along, but i dont know whether to believe he is truely sorry or just trying to keep me around and will do it.I feel the guilt he has and part of me truely believes him when he says it was the worst mistake of his life and he realizes that i am the only one for him and that it will never happen again. But the scared side of me wonders if i can trust him and if so, will i be able to put this aside and move on. Will i ever be able to close my eyes and not see them together.He has always been one to blame others for his mistakes and take the easy way out of situations and with this he hasnt done any of that. He has taken complete blame and put up with all my questions and the hurtful comments i have made toward him because of it. He even confronted her with me on the phone and told her never to contact him again unless it was about the kids.Can I believe him? Will I get past this and if so how?????? Please help. I do love him but I'm so scared.
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cheated on me, ex-wife, his ex, kissing, long distance, money, move on, one night stand, std Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cardsgirl +, writes (13 September 2007):
cardsgirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to thank all of you for your responses to my question. First I would like to say that I am very thankful for your insight. We are still talking and working on this. He has suggested us going to counseling together. Which for him to suggest is a big surprise because he used to be so dead set against counseling when I mentioned it before in our relationship when we were having smaller problems. We have our first appointment on Monday. He also has not even once slipped on the "new" attitude. Everything now is about me and what i want. It was never like that before. He cries daily with genuine tears over what he has done. Something even his mother says he has never done is cry over anything. I don’t want to be a doormat and be fooled but feel somewhere deep in my heart he is changing for the better. That this isn’t all an act because if he was acting he would have started slowly going back to the old guy and he isn’t. He is able to look me in the eye now when he talks to me and tell me all the dirty hurtful answers I asked. Am I still being played or is my heart right when it says to believe him?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): Run like hell! Why do you still want to be with him. He has slept with his ex, passed on a disease to you. WHY do you love him? Ask yourself just what is in this relationship for you. Sorry, but once a cheater, always a cheater. Why let him get away with this? You can never ever trust him. He went with his ex, er i would be glad to see the back of him and let him know that! Life is much too short, so stop being a martyr and putting up with this.
take care and get rid.
xx
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A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (11 September 2007):
 Its noble he told you, its not noble he cheated, and its really not noble he gave you an STD all because he decided to have fun on the side.
But I think he's sincearly sorry, I mean, you'd have to be a complete asshole to put your gf through all of that and not feel incredibly guilty.
And you say he's being honest, sounds to me like he's trying to make it up to you by treating you better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): I would not stay with him. He sounds like he can feed you any story and you fall for it. He did not think about anyone but himself when he slept with her, and cheated on you. Men are going to do things. To me the most horrible part of your story is the fact that he gave you an STD, even if he decided to cheat he could of thought more of you, and used a condom to make sure he didn't bring anything home. That is LOVE... not just saying it. I think you sacrificed a lot, and he is just benefiting. I have heard all the same excuses about why he needs to keep on contact, but I have to say my bf never ever brought home a disease. A word to the wise, he is keeping you and the ex apart from each other becuase then you both will know the truth, and find out he is lying. Maybe I should call my ex, Now your story lets me know he was not that bad after all.......
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