A
female
age
36-40,
*lixandrealin
writes:I dont know what to do. I feel so hurt and trapped. I love my fiance more than anything in the world we've been together for just over a year and we've gotten engaged recently.We live together and everything has seemed perfect but just a few days ago I went through his phone and he had been dirty talking to some girl through texts. Saying he wanted to be in her and undress her, asking for pictures. I confronted him about it and he told me it was a girl from work that had been hitting on him. He said he has never even touched her and that was the first time he talked to her through text or phone at all. He says he loves me, he's just scared and brought up the fact that i am his first real "in love" relationship. The same day he texted her these things is the day i found out and confronted him, and that same day is the day he told her he was getting married. I dont know what to do, what to think. I dont know if i can trust him. And i LOVE him. How do i feel better? How do i fix this?
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engaged, fiance, text, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kikicupid  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 i see that makes more sense. I hope you have been able to talk to him by now and that things are clearer for you. good luck, keep being strong, itll b ok in the end xxx
A
female
reader, alixandrealin +, writes (13 May 2008):
alixandrealin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe was showing me a picture he took on his phone. When i went to take it from him to see better he wouldnt let me have the phone. I knew then that he was hiding something, so i took it from him.
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A
female
reader, kikicupid +, writes (12 May 2008):
I have to agree, perhaps break the engagement temporarily tell him its too soon and even though you were sure, now he's made you doubt him- he needs to prove to you he really is serious by being patient and waiting for you to be ready again n trust him again. However, can i ask? you say you went through his phone, why is that?in my experience it is when you do not trust someone, so has he been untrustworthy in the past for you to feel you need to check?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): Have you checked how many questions like yours there are on here?
Dozens.
Hundreds.
It's so common, and everyone goes "oh how terrible, oh you poor thing, oh you really can't trust him."
Talk to him some more. Tell him how upset and disappointed you are.
It's what so many men do. It's as though to them it's not real. Because it's texts (or a chat room, or e-mail etc etc) it doesn't seem real to them. So you tell him IT'S VERY REAL TO YOU. Make him understand how you feel.
But don't throw away a perfectly good relationship because of his stupidity - and I do assure you that's all it is: stupidity.
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A
female
reader, growing  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 Make sure that you are not getting married in near future.
You still need time to know him more.you are with him now more than a year,so is this incident first of its kind?has he cheated you in past?
You need to be aware.see through things before its too late.
Though sometimes just out of curiosity,guy hit on with other gals .so make sure that you two are in healthy relationship.his demands should be met with yours.
Talk to him and ask for the reason that made him tempted to revert with dirty mesaages and then think what is missing and fix it.
But yes you should be firm in your approach and make him realise that he kindaa cheated you.so that he keeps your anger in mind next time going for such things.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): Well i certainly wouldn't marry him. Start off by breaking off the engagement, and tell him how much he's hurt you, and your fears. If the fears don't subside terminate the relationship.
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