A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This probably may come across as me being picky but I would like some opinions.I threw my husband a birthday party at our home 2 months ago and we invited a few of his colleagues and their families from his work. 1 particular colleague had advised my husband that his 2 children and wife had dietary requirements - his kids were vegetarians - like me - so I ensured there was plenty of meat free and vegeterian options for all of us so they wouldn't go hungry and his wife had a gluten intolerance so I ensured I had plenty of gluten free food for her. Luckily the party was a great success and they all thanked me for taking the time to accommodate their dietary requirements.Yesterday we were invited to their barbecue - my husband did remind them I was a vegeterian, like their daughters, however when we arrived and food was served they had completely forgotten to make extra vegetarian burgers/sausages so there was only enough for his kids and he basically said for me to stock up on potato salad and crisps! Neither him or his wife looked bothered that they hadn't catered enough food for me to eat.I just find it annoying that I spent a fortune on special gluten free food, which isn't cheap for his wife and doubled up on vegeterian food for the kids and yet their attitude towards me was rude and they actually found it funny - making a joke about it among the other people there!!What are your opinions. Oh and just for the record, before people make assumptions- they have plenty of money as they both have good jobs so it wasn't a case of them not being able to afford extra food!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): I'd say don't let something trivial like this bother you, life is short...
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 May 2014):
 Talk about rude! OP I'm a vegetarian too and I too would be EXTREMELY pissed if this had happened to me and I would be sure to tell my husband that these "friends" are now history.
They do not have the basic minimum courtesy and decency to take care of a guest that they've invited and they are downright rude and ill-mannered. Assuming they did forget that you're a vegetarian (which by the way seems highly unlikely given the fact that they'd been to your place and know what you eat), they could have easily made up for it by ordering in something nice for you. They cant possibly live in the middle of nowhere! And what, they didn't have ANYTHING good in their fridge which could have been turned into a meal for you?
They are nothing but obnoxiously rude and I would just never again entertain them if I were you. And to top it all they made a joke about it? That's just to hide their own inadequacies and it just shows their attitude towards others. They're the laughing stock themselves.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (5 May 2014):
They're inconsiderate and forgetful, that much seems obvious.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear this.
In my opinion I can see where your coming from.
Your acquired to their needs, you pre warned them of your dietary needs and it sounds as though they have completely ignored your wishes.
I would feel angry to and the reason you probably feel annoyed is that your body is delivering a message to you to say that it's not happy- it's promoting you to notice what's happened.
Personally I disliked the stocking up on potatoe salad and chips comment.
Maybe this situation says more about their characters and perhaps they didn't forget and are just stingy.
I know it doesn't change what's happened but I hope this can give you some level of comfort- you get out of life what you put in- it's a universal law, so they will get back the energy they put out.
It took me time to realize that as long as I trust in myself then everything else will fall into place and I need not worry about others actions as long as my intentions are honerable then I cannot come to any harm.
Maybe you could use the key messages of this situation to reflect on your feelings and see what you can learn from it and from yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): I can relate very much. I am a vegeterian, and frankly my opinion if you are inviting a vegeterian, you need to feed this person. And to joke that ou can stuff on potatoes to just rude. Its liike saying, o, sorry we forgot about your food. ESPECIALLY , if their kids are vegeterians, and ESPECIALLY when you went into all this effort to accommodate them. I went to birthday party once, andit was the same story. My then friend's son was vegan and I at that time was teaching classes on how to prepare vegan raw foods. Before her birthday she called and asked me if I can prepare couple dishes for her son. I did, she wanted to pay me but I said it was my present. Then it was her birthday, and she invited me. She knows very well I am a vegeterian, she couldn't possibly forget it. When I arrived, there was not a single vegeterian dish there. Not even a salad. She made a bunch of meat pizzas, cold cuts, burgers and so on. When she noticed that I am not eating anything, she asked me if I want her to make me vegeterian pizza. I was already laughing inside and told her, yes, sure. She made pizza with just a few sticks of veggies. I ate because I thought I was going to pass out. Then during dinner, she told me that her son uses soy meat substitute and it's really good. I just looked at her, and said, o, good for him. I discounted her from a a not very close friend status to a stranger status. Really? You invite people to your house knowing their dietary needs and you don't feed them? This is not forgivable in my opinion. Seems like they are not close to you, and will be even less distant after this party.
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A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (5 May 2014):
Don't let this experience stick with you and upset you for too long. You know them now and if thy don't make it up to you soon, I wouldn't worry about making an effort or them any more. You have high standards and they have been a bit remiss. Be friendly and polite but draw back a bit. It says more about them than you. I am sure they were embarrassed. Just let it wash over.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (5 May 2014):
 Here’s my scenario, I singlehandedly catered a Xmas party one year… I had my vegetarian girlfriend staying with me a few days from out of State… the day before Xmas I naturally started preparing a few things, and incorporated a few creative culinary eats for her.
The whole process of course took away time which we would otherwise be catching up. But since it was a Xmas Party, the rain was pouring down (!), and food does not miraculously appear prepared on its own for your 8 guests, I was taken aback when I received her Thank You card.
Apparently I sent too much time preparing food and not enough girlfriend time together!? I felt, perhaps I should have left my guests starve or serve them potato salad and crisps!? What on Earth did my girlfriend expect!?
Now like you, I consider the diet of my guests and love to fuss, but not everyone will or can do the same nor do I expect them too, each to their own. Yet in your instance you were thanked, but the gesture was not reciprocated and rudely joked about. What gracious Hosts – NOT! Especially when you know they can afford it and know you’re Vegetarian.
Nonetheless these colleagues maybe of no consequence to your social circle in the future, you don’t have to invite them back or go to the same extent as you did before. For me, I would do what's right and tweak it down a little next time. You could tell them to BYO their own Veggie burgers and Gluten Free food, but that wouldn’t sit right for a gracious Hostess that you are.
CAA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 May 2014):
 Well, then I would just not do cook out with these people again, because clearly they don't give a flying fart about their guests.
My guess is the jokes they made on your expense, was because they were embarrassed that they fell short on their hosting duties. BUT it also showed you what kind of people they are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2014): Honeypie- I posted this.
Firstly my husband DID remind his colleague I was a vegeterian as stated in my post!
Secondly he asked what we could bring & was told they wanted us to bring our own booze, not food - which we did. And just so you know I usually do bring vegeterian food if I'm invited out but according to what my husbands colleague told him, there wasn't any need too.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 May 2014):
I think it's partly BAD hosting manner and partly your husband's fault.
THEY might not remember that you are a vegetarian. YOUR husband should have made sure to remind them.
And I would NOT go so far up and beyond for people with the hope that they will do the same for me.
YOU went above and beyond as a hostess, but you can't expect everyone else to be as mindful as YOU are. Specially people you barely know.
I have a friend who is a vegetarian. When she is over for BBQ she bring a dish with her ( I DO cook dishes she can eat too) but she always brings something new and exciting (and vegetarian).
There are PLENTY of foods you can eat (with gluten allergies) that aren't expensive. Next time, just don't go overboard on the gluten-free stuff.
And those people... I'd stop inviting them over. They seem crass and rude.
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