A
female
age
30-35,
*appybunny_xoxo
writes:Yesterday my best friend told me a secret. She told me that she wasn't a virgin anymore. I was in total shock. I thought she knew better than to do something like that. I don't know how to explain it, but ever since she told me that she wasn't a virgin anymore I see her differently.I am scared that her boyfriend will leave her and that she will be emotionally scarred or even worse that she will end up pregnant.What should I do???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): do you know her boyfriend? if you do, is he a decent guy? if you don't, it's a good ida to meet him. anyway, i understand how you feel. last year, when i was fifteen, my fourteen year old friend lost her virginity. I was shocked. I think that you should do what I did, be as supportive as possible. if she's a sensible girl, she probably knows what she's doing and what's been done. just make sure she uses protection, and maybe goes on the pill
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 If she was ready to start having sex then that is fine. Just be supportive and make sure she knows about safe sex etc and be there for her if it does fail. Dont judge her just because you are not ready yet - your time will come and you will need your friend to confide in when it happens. At least she was honest with you so be happy for her that she's enjoying her relationship x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): It's really none of your buiness its nice that you care but you seem to care a bit much with trying to do something about it. Its her choice and if she was ready she was ready she more then likely loves this person to give up her virginaty to him. It doesn't make her a diffrent person, you'll do the same one day. Its really not your place to judge.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 I guess it's kind of a shock to realise that something has happened that is absolutely inconceivable to you, especially if you come from a strict background. But as time goes on you'll find more and more people around you are taking that big step. It's part of growing up and leaving childhood behind. As for you, take your time. There's no hurry. There's no deadline, and you'll know when you're ready to take the step yourself.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (1 May 2008):
 Hi,
start with learning not to judge people. It is not a trait that will stand you in good steed when you grow up. People do not appreciate others judging them.
If you were a true friend you would be reassuring her and confirming she used protection - otherwise its none of your beeswax mate.!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 You should do nothing. That's her business.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 May 2008):
 I agree with "notinthesame" - your friend made her decision, and perhaps she feels close enough and secure enough with her boyfriend to make that decision. If you feel like her boyfriend is a scumbag, then the best you can do is continue to be supportive.
Maybe offer to go to Planned Parenthood together and get birth control and STD checks and free condoms. Planned Parenthood is actually totally fun. Last time I went for my supply of birth control, they had a Jeopardy game set up and they were quizzing the waiting room on sex. There were even prizes, and it was awesome.
Continue being a great friend. It's great that you care enough about her to be concerned, but just make sure that she stays safe and sane. She'll be okay and so will you.
Thanks for asking, sweetness!
xx India
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A
female
reader, sneakerpimp  +, writes (1 May 2008):
Why is this such a big deal for you? Try to examine your own feelings, and not judge her.
Sex is a normal, natural, and enjoyable activity. Losing your virginity is not something to be ashamed of, but something to, if you enjoyed the experience, celebrate.
Support your friend in her decision, if she enjoyed her experience. Make sure she had sex for the right reasons, and ALWAYS ALWAYS USE A CONDOM.
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A
female
reader, notinthesane +, writes (1 May 2008):
 Listen, it was her choice to make. She didn't do anything wrong by wanting to connect physically with her boyfriend if she felt that she was ready to, and only she can decide when she's ready. The fact that she has had sex does not make her a different person, although it does put some resposibility on her plate. Now that she's having sex, if you really want to help her, make sure that both her and her boyfriend have been checked for STDs and are playing it safe with birth controll. Other than that, don't worry. Let her live her life and make her decisions. Very rarely do people end up with their first sexual partner in the long run, and trust me, it won't do any real emotional damage.
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