A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 years old and from the age of 5 until i was 11 i was sexually abused by a family member. I want to tell my family but i have no idea how to. I'm scared, i don't want them to hate me. This will ruin my family but i need to get it out. It will help me somehow move on with my life, right now i feel like i can't live a normal life because of this secret.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): I am in the same situation as you and feel confused as to what I should do. I am 27 years old and was abused by my grandfather for years as a child. I have only told my best friend and my fiance about the abuse and both of them have told me to tell the family when the time is right. But when is the time right?I am getting married this coming May and do not want to invite my grandfather. But by not inviting him my dad may question why I did not invite his father to my wedding. Then I would have to tell him. But I do not want to cause chaos before my wedding about this situation. But I also do not want this man coming to my one and only special day...my wedding!!Any suggestions??
A
male
reader, RosesAreRed86  +, writes (27 October 2009):
It doesn't matter how you tell them, just make sure you do it. Whoever abused you is a horrible person who deserves retribution for what he did.
Trust me, if your family is at all decent, they will hate the scum-bag who did that to you, not you.
For your own sake and for the sake of justice, I beg you to tell your family.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (23 October 2009):
 About 20 years old is about the same time my half-sisters told my mother they were abused by their cousin. My mother never blamed them or hated them, but it did help them to move on with their lives. You did not put your family in this situation, you have to realise it was the family member who did this. You cannot be expected to stay quiet if it is eating at your inner well being.Tell someone who is close to you in the family. Tell someone whom you know will react the most sympathetically and least likely to hold a bad reaction. Someone you trust. They can then provide you with a support system to help explaining to your parents. If the person you happen to trust is one of your parents, than even better. Dont suffer in silence. This will just mean your abuser got away with taking away more than just your innocense. Dont give them that power.HonningKanin
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (23 October 2009):
I am so sorry to hear this happened to you. I am hoping there is a particular person in your family you feel you can confide in. if so I would urge you to tell this person and only this person. I applaude you for not wanting to ruin your family. the person that abused you their place in the family is certainly at stake with this. I am also wondering if maybe you could try counseling. also is it possible to sit down with the person who did this and confront them personally before telling anyone? this is always a tough situation. there are a lot of things to consider. I know it will help you so you should tell someone and hopefully you can tell them in confidence. good luck. god bless
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): tisha said it so well...you must be strong...it may or may not be accepted as truth. You may or may not be supported. Be aware that the abuser very well may have/be abusing another child and you have a obligation to the victims or even potential victims to stop the abuser. You are stronger than you think, and we are here to support you. ..good luck sweatheart.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 October 2009):
 Hi, I'm sorry you have to go through the second trauma of having to tell your family. I have no idea how best to do this with your family, as I understand it, many families do not want to know or cannot cope with a revelation like this. They may not believe you or may blame you somehow. There may be questions as to why you waited until now. I think there are pitfalls that you need to be prepared for before you tell. Don't get me wrong, I do think you should tell them; at the very least to prevent the person who perpetrated the abuse from doing it again. Perhaps they still are with someone else? What I want you to do is to have this discussion from a place of strength within yourself.Have you found help for yourself? Are you seeing a therapist, counselor, psychiatrist, someone who has training in dealing with child abuse survivors? I would STRONGLY urge you to go find one NOW. You may find some good resources from the professionals, as well as therapy and support for yourself.I have found a list of books for survivors for you, as I am not a trained counselor and I worry about giving you advice that might wind up cause you more trauma.http://childmolestationprevention.org/pages/resources.html#Adult_SurvivorsThe benefit of having a professional help you is that he or she will know how to guide your family discussion and give you tips that would help your specific situation. I am sorry that you have had to go through this and I hope that you find the best path for your own healing. Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): First of all I'aqm really sorry to hear about your past. It is natural to feel scared and feel like your family will hate you but most people how have been sexually abuse can not accept the fact that its NOT YOUR FALUT! Your family may feel guilty as they may feel that they weren't there for you but they will be glad that you did. I have a friend who has went through this, she was feeling the same as you. She told her mother as she was closer to her, their relationship did change and it was hard for her mother to hear but their realtionship has never been stronger. It is important to remember your not alone you can contact your local GP or ring 08457
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (23 October 2009):
I am so sorry to hear this happened to you. I am hoping there is a particular person in your family you feel you can confide in. if so I would urge you to tell this person and only this person. I applaude you for not wanting to ruin your family. the person that abused you their place in the family is certainly at stake with this. I am also wondering if maybe you could try counseling. also is it possible to sit down with the person who did this and confront them personally before telling anyone? this is always a tough situation. there are a lot of things to consider. I know it will help you so you should tell someone and hopefully you can tell them in confidence. good luck. god bless
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): I really feel for you, but you just gotta get it over and done with. Can you tell a close friend that can go with you to tell your family ?.. Thaat way the friend can be there for support.Once you have told them you wil probably feel so much better with your families support.hope this helps xx
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A
female
reader, Sammycake +, writes (23 October 2009):
 You can't assume that your family will hate you. They'll feel upset that this has ever happened and want to help you through getting past it.You should sit said family members down and just carefully explain what happened and what you would like to do next (get the police involved or not) You should expect anger. Your family will be angry at the person who's done this to you, but that's totally natural. You shouldn't keep this a secret for much longer because it'll plague your mind for the rest of your life.All the best x
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