A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I end my relationship with my boyfriend?. He said that he would be with me on new years eve. He said we would have a meal together at his place. He also said that we would spend the whole day together. He contacted me at 11.00am that day, saying that he might be an hour late meeting me ( he was supposed to meet me at 12.15pm ), and he said he would contact me again at 12.00pm. He didn't contact me again until 7.00pm. I didn't see his messages straight away, as I had fallen asleep. He told me that he would be with me at 11pm or 12pm , if I still wanted to meet him. I also got a message from him at 8.45pm, asking me to call him. I didn't see the messages until 9.30pm. I couldn't get through to him though when I tried to contact him. I found out then that he had gone out of town to see his friends. He had been there all day. His friend told me that he had been there. He usually goes there every fortnight. Sometimes he stays there for a few days.I am very upset and disappointed that he didn't spend new years eve with me. When he goes to see his friends, he gets drunk. I know he said that he would have met me later that night, but he might not have been able to get home on time, as it can take longer to get a taxi on new years eve. I also feel that he put me in second place, as he didn't have the courtesy to tell me that he was going to see his friends before he went there, and because he only intended on spending a bit of time with me that night ( he might not have been intending on coming back at all though. He has said that he will come back from his friends house before, and he hasn't come back ).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): He told me that he doesn't see new year's eve as an important day, and he thinks it is just another day. He told me that he has bought me some presents though. He also said that he was stupid for getting drunk with his friends.
We have been in touch a little bit on the phone, but I haven't said that I want to stay with him. If things would change, I would want to stay with him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2014): He sometimes posts photos of me on his timeline on facebook, and he says how much he loves me. I logged into my account for a couple of minutes again before, and I noticed that he had posted a photo of me on his timeline, saying that he loves me. I think he posted that after I deactivated my account. Do you think he is being manipulative ?. I haven't sent him any more messages, and I deactivated my account again after I logged in. I'm just finding it hard to let go at the moment. I think about the nice times we had, and it hurts when I think about that, but I know that I can't keep letting him take me for granted. I really wish that he would change, but I don't think that will happen.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 January 2014):
 I responded before I saw your follow up.
My advice would have prevented this latest episode, but what`s done is done. At least you no longer have any doubts about where to go from here.
The man is a specimen. He is absolutely obnoxious and totally unworthy of any more chances.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (6 January 2014):
Not harsh at all. Do I recommend that everyone break up this way? Of course not, but in some cases silence sends a stronger message than does an official break up.
The subtext of the silence here is 'There will be no discussion, no explanations, no drama and no second chances. You're done.'
If a person treats you badly it should go without saying that they're no longer a part of you life (depending on the person and the infraction of course, but your case merits it). You don't have to hate them, or send nasty messages to them or slander them all over town, or vandalize their property. You just cut them out of your life.
It can shows a determination that conversation doesn't. like I said, I wouldn't handle every situation this way, but sometimes, yes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2014): I sent him a message on facebook saying that he doesn't care about how I have been feeling. I also said that it was really selfish that he left me on my own on new year's eve. He sent a message back saying " kiss my d*** " !. I didn't reply, and I have deactivated my account for the time being. I am not going to put up with him speaking to me like that!. He really has shown that he doesn't respect me now by speaking to me like that. He couldn't even be bothered apologising to me.
Before I wrote to him, he sent me a message, blaming me. He said that he didn't think that I was bothered about him because I hadn't sent him a message all week, and because I hadn't been round to his house.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): Ciar, would that not be too harsh ?. Would it not be better for me to break up with him over the phone or in person ?. Of course, I'm not happy about what he has done, but I don't know if I could just dump him by ignoring his messages and by blocking him when we have been together for two years.
It hurts, because I have tried my best to fix things between us, and I still love him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (5 January 2014):
Ignore all messages he sends you. Better yet, block him and change your profile so that only friends can contact you. You can always change it back months from now when he is well and truly gone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): He clearly did not care one bit what you were doing on New Years eve. You sat and waited. I would stop wondering, stop waiting and stop hanging around and just move on. Eventually he might contact you (don't hold your breath) and when he does you can have the pleasure of telling him you are busy getting on with your life - and goodbye :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): He contacted me on new years day too. He sent me a text saying happy new year, and he called me, but he didn't ask me to meet up with him. He also called me on Friday night. He sounded like he was in a bad mood, and told me to get a taxi to his house. I haven't been to his house though, and I haven't sent him any messages at all all week. Both conversations were very short, so I didn't have the chance to discuss anything with him. It seemed like he didn't want to stay on the phone too long. We keep in contact on facebook too. He sometimes gets angry when I don't write to him on facebook much. I don't think he has been on there this week, but he might be on there tomorrow. I'm worried that he might send me a horrible message. If he does, should I ignore it, or should I tell him that I don't want to discuss anything on facebook, and if he wants to talk to me, we will have to either talk on the phone or in person ?. I don't like talking about things through text.
He might think that I haven't seen the messages that he sent to me in the night time on new years eve. I did read them, but I didn't actually click on them. If you click on them, it says what time and date it was when you read the message. Should I tell him that I did read them, but I just didn't click on them ?. He might try to blame me for what happened by saying that I didn't reply to his messages at night straight away, but he shouldn't have been with his friends in the first place!. He has blamed me for some things before.
It's difficult, because I have been with him for two years. I wish we could fix things, but nothing is changing. Yes, he has lied to me before about meeting up with me. He can be very loving though when I am with him, and that's why I miss him.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 January 2014):
 Ciar's advise is totally spot on, he doesn't even deserve a text or message from you, just tell yourself quite firmly it is now over and done with.
If he does try to contact you he deserves no explanation, no conversation, nothing, as Ciar says, just tell him you have to go, and hang up.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (5 January 2014):
 what would bother me most about this is the fact that he blatantly lied to you. he never once bothered to let you know that he was out of town?? he, instead, just said that he was conveniently going to be only an hour late, knowing good and well he was going to be much, MUCH later? it's crap because he knew he was going to be longer than an hour late. for christsake, he was OUT OF TOWN. he just didn't want to let you know that. he was LYING to you.
he knew he was going into this day planning on blowing you off. he knew it all along. and you were played for a fool, completely strung along.
your boyfriend has no consideration for your feelings whatsoever. and no respect for you. in a circumstance like this, i would definitely need some time to consider whether this was a relationship i wanted. i couldn't be with such an inconsiderate person - one who puts me so far behind everyone else in priority.
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A
female
reader, malletchick76 +, writes (5 January 2014):
 Move on if he's done this many times. Go with your gut, it's always correct.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (5 January 2014):
New Year's Eve was three days ago and I'm guessing you still haven't heard from him. And this is not the first time he's done this.
Then it should be the last time. Dump him without a word. Just move on. When he doesn't hear from you after a few more days or a couple of weeks he might call. Be calm and matter of fact. Don't get into any discussions or explanation with him. Just be bored and anxious to get off the phone.
A man did this to me once. He never got a second chance.
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A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (5 January 2014):
He sounds as if he has as much romance in him as a housebrick.Don't waste your time with such a person,he doesn't respect you at all let alone love you.Break with him and find someone new who will treat you better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): I meant to put that he said that would be with me at 11pm or 12am ( when the new year came in ).
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