A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please give a good adviceI'm really hurt I thought a guy I worked with for ages liked me and we became close He told me he was unhappy with the girl he lived with and had 'issues'Anyway over time we became close and he gave me the impression that they were basically flat mates ..... Stupidly I kissed with him a few times as I thought he really caredAnyway from then on he became distant and I became clingy and panicky thinking there was something wrong with me So this went on another year and he kept feeding me platitudes and telling me he couldn't express how he felt but didn't want to meet up and only communicating by textTowards the end I became very emotional as he basically was playing mind games with my feelings and so when I did bump into him at work and became emotional he has completely cut me off told me to leave him alone and implied I was a stalker :(I'm not and that word had really bothered me
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (5 January 2014):
 He strung you along and then freaked out when confronted with the reality of you at work, so he reacted strongly with strong words. Try to put the name calling behind you. You didn't stalk him, unless you're omitting details.
But CMMP is correct: you should not have let yourself get carried away with this flirtation/ fantasy. You knew he was living with someone, who cares if they have issues. He's part of a couple, couples have issues. He would only text and wouldn't agree to see you. Actions speaking loud and clear.
Delete and block him from your phone. At work, keep it strictly professional. Once he's over thinking you're a stalker he might miss you and want your attentions again but ignore him if that happens. Cut yourself loose so you are available for a decent, single man and a real relationship.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): Sorry.... He used you when he was low and then didn't need you. I did the same and they ended up thinking a lot more of it than me, i still worry he might end up on my doorstep tbh.
My advice for future reference... Don't try to get with vulnerable people, their feelings and behaviour won't be how they normally are.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 January 2014):
 What do you expect of a cheater? Do you think he'll be a good, honorable man who'll say the right thing at the right time to make you feel good? To hell with him and what he says; just learn your lesson and never believe a cheater.
Just flush him out of your life and never, EVER look back. He wanted you to get an ego boost and then he was done with you. Cheaters all scum and so was this guy. Don't ever give him even a second of your time and thoughts. That's your revenge.
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A
female
reader, Maccy3 +, writes (5 January 2014):
I can see why stalker is hurtful, but I think you have let your self get a bit carried away. Why would you continue to pursue someone who was pulling away, let alone someone you knew was living with another relationship? Every relationship has issues - until he's packed his bag and moved out, he is in a committed relationship with another woman. Whatever you may feel or whatever he said, you're just the other woman - other as in not the woman he's trying to make a life with, so not the woman he cares about. People say lots of things, what you can trust is actions. His actions say he's not interested in you. Sounds like you've been clinging on to false hope. Give yourself a break and just let it go.
Sounds like you need to focus on yourself for a bit. If he's not interested in you, that's his loss. Stop putting your energy into him, and start taking care of your own self esteem and you'll more than likely find someone who is.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (5 January 2014):
It may have been a slight exaggeration, but it's a word I'm not surprised he used based on your own description of what happened.
The lesson you need to learn is to know when things are over. Don't listen to what someone says when their actions tell you loud and clear how they feel.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 January 2014):
 Everything boils down to the fact that he was cheating on his girlfriend who lives with him. He was using you for his own ego and for sex (even if it was just kissing), and you started making demands for more than just his dirty little secret.
You're not a stalker unless you were calling him over and over, texting constantly, making scenes, driving by his house, or threatening him or his girlfriend.
You must never ever believe a cheater's lies. There's no "basically flatmates". A cheater's words are completely worthless...his actions are everything, and if she really was a flatmate or the relationship was over, he would vote with his feet and leave her. Never be with someone who is with someone else. You will get really hurt like you were.
Ignore him, learn your lesson about cheaters, and consider every word he breathes at you with disdain. And do not ever date a cheater.
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