A
female
age
36-40,
*oving_Tamara
writes:I have been through a lot in my life. I was molested by my step brothers, and raped a while afterwards. I've only had one really serious relationship, and that was about 3 years ago now. I have a lot of insecurities, and I don't know how to overcome them. I've found a guy that I'd really like to have a relationship, but I don't want to screw it up. If anyone has some advice, besides seeking help I would really appreciate it. :) Reply to this Question
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How do I control my insecurities and prove to her, I am the guy for her? My insecurities are killing my relationship. How do I get past this? |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): google "lifted hearts".
the online books help it costs a little though (less than 50). It has helped me tremendously...and still does when I fall back into old habits...I pick it up...and move on...
it just puts in a different perspecitve.
=)A(=
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): Dear Tamara,
I'm sorry you had to go through that ...nobody deserves that.. and i know what that feels like coz I've been though the same as a kid. I'm also currently dating someone... n terribly either afraid or insecure,,,although he's a wonderful guy... Whatever happens remember,,,, people should respect and accept you the way you are... it will take time ,,,, and if people really care they stick around no matter what ,,, i dunno if this helps .... Please remember you are not alone,,,,
Take care
lil_angel
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): Hey sweety when you meet a guy make sure you take time to get to know him and when you feel like you can trust him, let him know what you've been through so he can understand that he needs to be patient. Make sure you dont jump in right away and have sex with him that is a big no no. I did that and things never worked out. Go for the nice guy there always the best in the end! Im sorry for what you've been through my neice was also molested. I hope you find a guy that respects you and things will work out okay.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 There is much of what "bubbloo24" stated that I will not repeat again that I find very true. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. No one should ever have to go through something like this. My heart goes out to you. Whether "he" is the one or not, you probably will need to talk to "that" special someone that comes in to your life that you will eventually marry and will love you no matter what. Why, because you are being honest with him about your past. Your also seeing what his reaction to this is, some men can handle this, others cannot. It's about being honest and it's knowing to, that not every man in the world is like this. What happened in the past was clearly not your fault. However, if you feel otherwise, I would suggest you seeking some form of outside counceling. It almost sounds as if no one may know about this, because if you were my daughter, I would have made sure you sought some professional help to deal with this. If you are trying to do it alone, I will add this....this happened to a friend of mine when she was 9 to the age of 15 from her uncle. Someone she "thought" she could trust and respect. Without "much" real help, she is still single at age 52...any relationship she EVER got in to was with someone who was married. Why? Because she felt as if she was not worthy to be in a "real" relationship and that she would never be able to trust a man again...thus, the best to not marry is the married one. She kept much of this to herself until her early - mid 40's...then, she has tried to meet single men, but because of being with so many men that were clearly not the right one's, it was very hard to adapt to being in and getting in a "normal" relationship and keeping it. It's like many of us hear, the older they are and they never change their ways...I do believe in that....I think of my parents...and they wouldn't! Today, she doesn't date and is by herself. I am no professional, nor would I ever claim to be in anything...but because you are so young, I would suggest that you still seek some professional help. I would also like to say..just being yourself, and not someone else, you could never screw it up. I really do want the best for you and to be in a healthy, loving and wonderful relationship.
God Bless and Take Care!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): very diffifult to answer as it depends on how you as an individual deal with what has happened in your past and I feel this is perhaps an area for a professional to help.However I can say that I think no matter what the situation it must be a balance of going with your heart and also your head. You have to give relationships a chance to move on from your past, but nothing wrong with keeping one eye on any signs that someone is not sincere.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 Hey Hun,
I'm sorry to hear about all that you've gone through, it must have been terrible and you have the right to feel insecure with other lads.
I suggest you talk to this guy about it - say that you would love to have a relationship with him but that you have insecurities (through no fault of your own) and if you did have a relationship with him, he should be prepared for certain aspects.
If he's the great guy that you think he is, I'm sure these issues will cause no problem with him and that he will be happy having a relationship with you no matter how difficult it may be in parts and be there for you when you need comfort.
If it does, however, cause problems for him. He's not worth it. He should understand that new relationships and trust are seen as difficult for you due to parts of your past.
Try to trust him hun. Not all guys are like that, I promise.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Mellys +, writes (21 May 2007):
 I think one of the things you should try to work on is learning to trust him. If you can trust him, I'm sure you'll get past all of those thoughts from your past and it'll be hard but if this guy is the one you don't want to lose, learning to trust him a day at a time is the only way to make it happen. As for your insecurities, once the two of you come closer and the trust is being built, it'll all go away. Good luck and I hope this has been helpful.
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