A
male
age
41-50,
*OHN B
writes:Hi i have been very stupid !!!!I've been with my fiancee for 2 years we have a 1 yr old son together.the problems is all my fault i have accused her of cheating or wanting to cheat on a number of times when she hasnt done anything wrong. its my jelousyand insecurity that has destroyed our relationship she has many male friends which wasnt realy a problem to start with in the relationship but out of no where it has realy got me asking all sorts of what are realy harsh questions. she said that she loved me before all this started but yesterday she said she doesnt love me anymore and cant see us having a future as a couple and should stay good friends for now. realy want to prove to her that we can get over this problem in our life if only she would give me a chance. it has realy messed my head up knowing that i have blew any chance we had of a future together any advice on how to work things out between us and how i can controll the insecurities that i have. please help me on this one as she doesnt deserve me but deserves better.Thanks for taking the time to read about my problem !!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): i think the other answert is abit clinical and presumptious and that the answer may in fact be simpler. I would suggest that u talk to ur fiancee and explain the way ur feeling, explain why you have these insecurties. would suggest that you also build up ur own social network with friends seperate form hers. it is perfectly natural and normal for you both to have friends of the opposite sex and doesnt mea eitherof u are unfaithful. i would suggest that you need to build up ur confidence and realise ur own self worth. she choose to be with u- remember that when ur feeling jealous and insecure! x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): Counselling to address your insecurities and jealousy issues. They stem from somewhere which usually root from childhood experiences. It is either directly or indirectly taught behaviour.
To begin accusing another of cheating and then begin to attack and wear them down is a sign of being abusive be it mentally, emotionally, or physically. With this is you tend to give into your anger or rage which is never good. Ever.
You need to address your past and deal with it or you will just keep repeating this cyclic abusive pattern.
It can be intimidating to go back into the past when neglect, abandonment, pain, and abuse may have occured but it is necessary so you can get better, heal, and recover from it so that you can have the skills and knowledge of how to build a loving, trusting relationship with another.
I wish you the best.
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