A
female
age
30-35,
*essiebear89
writes:i am almost 21 i was dating this abusive guy was in a relationship for about 9 months, he would always hit me, push me down stairs broke bones i could not talk to any one about this he threatend to kill me. i have not talked to him for almost 3 years but i am still having nightmeres cant go walking by my self cant be alone in my house i dont know what to do i am terrified as i said i cant be alone but i lock my self in my room all day and all night scared out of my mind...... i need help i dont know what to do please help me????????? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 October 2010):
 I'm glad to hear that you are. Can't wait to hear your updates. Take care.
A
female
reader, jessiebear89 +, writes (27 October 2010):
jessiebear89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am actually going to councling now my bilogical dad helping me. but she comming to my house.... i will keep you updated on how my progress going
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 October 2010):
If he makes further contact with you, you may want to seek a no-contact order through a court. I know, there as good as the paper they are drafted on, but sometimes they actually get the message across.
I want you to think about what you are truly afraid of. What plays through your mind causing you to feel as if you can't leave your house. Pinpoint what the main factors are. Then I want you to sit and close your eyes while bringing those images forward. When they are in the conscious part of your mind, begin fading them as you send them back to memory, make them lighter and lighter, as they fade back into your subconscious. You do this because the brighter the picture, the greater intensity your fear becomes.
Then I want you to sense and feel what it would be like to be free from this. What sensations would you receive? Would it bring happiness to your life, and how would that happiness feel? I want you to pick somewhere you will be going alone. It might just be to a McDonalds for a meal, and I want you to role play in your mind, that it will be a safe trip. Visualize going there without fear, and how that feels, and embrace how it would feel getting out of your car, walking inside, and having a meal without any worries of the past. After you have done this a few times, I want you to take that trip, and embrace the feelings you visualized.
These methods are, in a sense, reprogramming your way of being. They can be used with anything that you may have a phobia about. Don't try to tackle the world in one sitting, take it one day at a time, and as you get comfortable with small things, you can expand what you are doing, and use the same method to gain your confidence and being comfortable in doing so. You can also look up and research phobias and visualization techniques, or neuro linguistics programming, and there is a wide variety of information and different techniques on-line that will produce a similar result.
I want you to reply with your progress, and if you face additional blocks in trying to change these perceptions, write them down as well. Our goal here is for you to get out of the house, and feel comfortable in doing so. You might even begin, depending on where you live and the weather, sitting outside and having a drink, just to enjoy the outdoors, and consider that step 1, if it can be done without fear. This isn't easy, but if you begin with baby steps, it will get easier as time persists.
I hope this helps, take care.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Have a phone with you at all times and if he tries to threaten you, call the police. Have them on speed dial.
You cannot live in fear. Something needs to be done about this. You need to talk to your parents about this, they have to be able to do something. It is not fair for you to live like this. Ask your parents if they can possibly pay to get a guard dog or perhaps, if you could find a support group, you could find a way to deal with the fear you feel.
But you have to do something. You cannot live your life, afraid of this man. He is just one man and you have a whole flurry of possibilities that will help you with or without money.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, jessiebear89 +, writes (22 October 2010):
jessiebear89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionrcn agony auntAnswer this, when was the last time you saw him or hear from him? Does he live in your city? Do you live with your parents or in your own place?
have not seen him in 3 years but he has been getting my number and trying to contact him if i dont he will come after that what he said i told my friend i moved to mt vernon and next thing i know he is living there i live with my parents always have.... he lives about hour half away from me
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (22 October 2010):
rcn described trauma perfectly. That is why, if you cannot turn to professional help, you need to take a step forward in the alternative. You can make it through this by yourself. You just need to show yourself that everything is alright and the memories and fears in your heart and mind are just that, memories and fears and nothing more, they cannot nor will they hurt you if you realize that what happened, happened but it shall not happen again. It will be mortifying at first but when you continue to just be out on your own, you will see that it is not bad at all and that you are stronger than you think.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (22 October 2010):
rcn described trauma perfectly. That is why, if you cannot turn to professional help, you need to take a step forward in the alternative. You can make it through this by yourself. You just need to show yourself that everything is alright and the memories and fears in your heart and mind are just that, memories and fears and nothing more, they cannot nor will they hurt you if you realize that what happened, happened but it shall not happen again. It will be mortifying at first but when you continue to just be out on your own, you will see that it is not bad at all and that you are stronger than you think.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 October 2010):
Answer this, when was the last time you saw him or hear from him? Does he live in your city? Do you live with your parents or in your own place?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 October 2010):
Coming and opening up, admitting that these issues are taking place, is the first step toward healing. It's so easy to go with the flow day to day, and not as easy to realize we may have to change.
You had a very traumatic experience. Don't let this experience control your sense of being. I would recommend you seek therapy, to rebuild your self esteem, in addition to seeking hypnotherapy, or neuro linguistics to reduce the affect of where this fear has been programmed. Trauma is like going to a scary movie and having the parts that make you jump replay in your subconscious over and over again. Even where you may consciously understand you can be without this fear and begin living, you subconscious programming to this trauma will prevent you from doing so. In listing to a hypnotist, he stated our conscious minds generally do 4 activities simultaneously, where our subconscious does tens, to hundreds of thousands. Within that holds the trauma you experienced, and what you're going through now.
What you have been through, no one should have to go through, and what you're going through now, you shouldn't have to either. As soon as you're done reading these comments, pick up the phone and set your appointments. You reached out asking for help. Make getting it your priority. I look forward to your leaving followup comments with how you are progressing. Take care.
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A
female
reader, jessiebear89 +, writes (21 October 2010):
jessiebear89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni cant see a counseler there to expensive. and all i have is my parents and there always working. and dont have any friends because of that guy
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female
reader, marymomnwife +, writes (21 October 2010):
i think maybe you would benefit by getting a dog. heres something that really happened to me. my mother and i were on our way back from michigan going home to tn. we stopped at rest area. my mom went to use the bathroom first and i walked my 2 dogs. i had a mixed mutt and a charpea mix. after 2 seconds i was walking my dogs on the path for dogs when i noticed a blk guy matching every step i took and it made me real nervous. my charpea noticed him too and she stopped dead in her tracks lowered her head and growled this deep minacing growl. she started to bark at him and then my other dog joined in. it was like i owned hell hounds or something. anyways after both my dogs were barking the guy turned and ran. dogs can b a great comforting and protecting best buddy. do ur homework to help decide which breed would better suit your needs and space limitations. always treat ur dog nice cuz u never know when a k9 might save ur life. when this happened to me i was 21
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (21 October 2010):
I think professional counseling is best for you.
But understand that he cannot hurt you anymore. He is no longer in your life and his threats are nothing but idle tools used to strike fear into your heart and mind.
I know it is difficult but you need to face your fears and take a step out. See that you are safe now and I urge you to seek your friends and family and remember that the world can be a kind and loving place. If you can do that, if you can step outside and fight against your fear, you can grow into a stronger woman. Your friends will help you. Your ex's hands will no longer touch you, nor shall his anger harm you. You are in a world that loves you.
Seek counseling, perhaps a professional may heal your broken world and show you that you are free to enjoy the sanctity of the of those who love you and those who will keep you safe. You can build a stronger body for youself, one that can keep you out of harm's way from the tyranny of those who seek a perverse domination.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 October 2010):
 I'm afraid this is far beyond the realm of internet advice. I highly recommend you seek professional counseling. You've been through a very serious trauma, which is understandably difficult to go through on your own. A counselor can really help you. Until you feel safe, do you have a friend or family member you can stay with so you're not alone?
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