A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:2 years ago i fell in love, it was amazing, i had never met anyone like him,. everyone said we made the perfect couple, and we were so happy. we went out for a year, but towards the last month he said that it was going to quick, he was too young (just turned 21, i was 24) i had got close to his mum and sister, his sister had just had a baby, he said it freaked him out them calling me auntie and it was all going too fast and he wanted to call it a day and be friends. i was absolutely devastated, i couldn't understand he said he still loved me but he wasnt ready for all this, and i had made him so happy but it wasnt the right time. its been a year since we split up now, and i still think about him every day. the first few months we split up i tried so hard to get him back, and in the end because i hassled him so much he wanted nothing more to do with me and blocked my number. then one night a couple of months later he text me to go back to his house, and i slept with him but after that he wanted nothing else. in the last year i have slept with 2 other guys on a one night stand to try and forget him, but they never helped. i have also slept with him 3 times in the last year, and then we haven't been friends, have had arguments, or got on really well. i slept with him a month ago, and then the next day felt awful and used. so i went away on holiday with 6 of my friends and had the most amazing time. when i came back i decided i had had enough. as we live in a small town it is hard but i decided to just blank him out of my life and forget him. for the last 4 weeks i have seen him in the pub every week and i have ignored him and have had the best time ever with my friends and been so much happier. until this weekend i was working in a bar, and he came in. usually he has one drink and goes if he knows i am working, but he stayed all night on his own sitting at the bar. i blanked him all night, and then he bought a drink and told me to get myself one. i fell for him all over again after seeing him all night, and no i am still in love with him and don't no what to do anymore. since splitting up with me, i think he has had a couple of one night stands, but he just seems to want to be young, and be with his friends all the time, there has been no one else, am i still the one for him, he keeps coming back and giving me hope i really don't no. i just want to get him out of my head an move on with my life it is getting me down so much. i was doing so well and now i feel it has all been undone again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u so much for your adivce. it is so hard livng in the town as him, it really is so small! i do blank him out, and life would be so much easier if i didn't see him maybe two, three times a week. i have had 2 long term relationships before this one, both for a lot longer, but they are out of sight out of mind and they healed so much quicker, i no in the end i will be happy with somone else, it has happened to me before. i wish he would just realise to hlep me he needs to blank me too and not make it harder by trying to talk to me, he might be pk with it but im not. thanks so much again every1 xxxx
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 October 2009):
Shania's right. This guy is using you and nothing more. Don't let him use you! Find someone else who will actually love you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): I agree with Shania. He is using you, and it's because you let him... not on purpose but because you're so emotionally involved.
You say it's been a year ... well, it really hasn't cause he still contacts you.
This is not healthy for you at all. He will not change right now. Maybe in a few years, butare you willing to go through this for a few years before he decides what he wants?
Shut him out, ignore him. Doing that will make you feel much better about yourself, and salvage your own self respect. Then after time, I can tell you that you will be wondering why you were so caught up in him to begin with. Take control. Only you can do it. You can;t worry about what he's doing or not doing and/or with who. It's about you now. That's that. It will suck for a while. hurt like heck. But it will save you months or years of worse pain.
Trust me - I;m going through it now. I'm a week into it. But mine cheated. Twice. With the same girl. We have to have self respect or we're no good to anyone.
Good luck, God bless.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (5 October 2009):
 Cant you see a pattern here?...your ex throws a few crumbs and you come running.He is without a doubt, using you...Please, please, stop sleeping with him...how will you ever get over him if you are having sex together? You are too emotionally involved to walk away but you must.He wanted his freedom and you gave it...Funny how he wants his single life when it suits him.I know you love him and it hurts like crazy but you will end up very depressed if you carry on like this....cant you see that?
Now this is what you must do...You ignore his texts...his phone calls...and his mean, moody look in pubs and carry on like nothing has happened.If he asks you for sex again you say NO...he isn't the only man in the universe and you deserve better.Remember....everytime he contacts you he is USING YOU. Keep that thought in your head...
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A
female
reader, Summer1951 +, writes (5 October 2009):
I may be wrong but it would appear that perhaps you were a bit pushy in your relationship with him and that led to him feeling controlled. However, you must decide if you want him or not and tell him how you feel if that is the case. If you dont want him, tell him so as he thinks he can use you as he wants. You need to get back your self-respect and not be availble just when it suits him.
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