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male
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*mBroken
writes: My girlfriend broke up with me for being clingy and paranoid every now and then, but i've stopped being clingy and paranoid now. After that I asked my her for a second chance to prove myself to her and she said that she DOES believe in second chances but says normally theres a great deal of time before the 2nd chance. She says it will be a long time, I asked her how long and she said that she doesn't know, and i told her i would wait. I asked her if it mattered that i am sorry and have learned from my mistakes and i hope she will understand and forgive me. And she said "It will eventually but right now im still pissed". So i told her i would give her some space and leave her alone and let her be by herself for a while. School is starting in a week and I am afraid she might find someone else. How long should I leave her alone before trying to talk to her again? How long should i wait to email her and see how she is doing? And how long should i wait to try and call her again? Any other advice is much appreciated. Thank you
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (22 August 2006):
 DreamMaster is right here I'm afraid. It sounds very much like the girl lost respect for you, and your behaviour after (basically showing lots of deference) isn't going to have done you any favours.
I'd recommend giving her up. You'll show her that you don't need her which ironically might be the only thing that makes her find you attractive again. Hanging on waiting for her sounds like a recipie for heartbreak.
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female
reader, Tine  +, writes (22 August 2006):
 i think you just need to give her the space and time that she wants, by doing this you are not just letting her get over the way you have got on but you are also giving her time to realise how good your relationship was before all the trouble started. Dont flood her with phonecalls and emails because by doing this too soon it wil annoy her, so wait until you see her around and just stop and say hi. and whenever shes ready she'll let you no
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A
male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (22 August 2006):
 Weird, i just answered this in a seperate post and it appears at the top again here (??)
Here's the reply...
Hi,
Look you seem like a nice guy, but I am not going to tell you what you want to hear.
What I am going to do is give you an unbiased opinion based on the facts you have given me. This will be a ‘short-term’ pain, rather then ‘long term pain’ decision for you. I guess it depends on whether you like to strip a plaster off a sore gently, or quickly. It looks bad either way to me I’m afraid.
This girl is putting you at arms length because she has lost respect for you because of your clingy and desperate behaviour (if you keep this up you will find this happening over and over again in future relationships – so STOP IT). She has lost that spark that you get in new relationships, and it is highly unlikely she will have the same affection for you ever again.
What she currently has planned is that she is waiting to see if there are any offers coming her way at school. You are right, she might find someone else, in fact, I bet that is what she is trying to do. If nothing comes her way, you MIGHT be her back up plan – but you took the unfortunate decision to tell her you will wait. This was a mistake. Now she is in absolutely no hurry to get back with you at any time.
If there was any sign here that the girl liked you, I would recommend you tell her that you have changed your mind and don’t want to go out with her anyway anymore.
This would be win-win. If she likes you she will beg you to get back. I don’t think she does like you, but at least you get to keep what is left of your dignity.
Since I don’t think she likes you, I recommend you telling her you don’t want to be with her anyway – pretty much giving you the second conclusion – you get to keep your dignity.
So ok you messed up, you got clingy. Live and learn. Just don’t make the same mistake again.
This girl is not treating you with respect, so I guess what you decide to do will come down to how much respect you have for yourself.
I know what I would do, but hey, its easy for me to see from the outside…
Better luck next time – let me know how it goes…
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (22 August 2006):
 I went through this with my ex but different circumstances. She told me she hadn't ruled out a second chance. I thought is was just a lame excuse to see other guys or be available when a guy she liked came along. You're putting yourself in a position to get your feelings really hurt. You're like the fall back guy in case she doesn't find someone she likes. I say don't call and don't e-mail her. Its hard as hell not to but for your best interest. Go out with friends and family and have fun and try to forget about it. If you don't it will drive you crazy thinking about her and the whole situation. Trust me I was there. When you don't call or contact her she will contact you. In the mean time you go out and have a good time. Make some new friends. If she doesn't call you back then forget it and keep living. Don't live on someone else's time frame. Its not right to have you on hold. Think about yourself and get on without her for now. If its meant it will be and if not look at all the friends you have made and hung out with and you will see something you like. Good Luck!!!
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