A
male
age
36-40,
*ek
writes:hey all. I need your help again. As many of you May know that answered my questions many months ago i was having problems with a cheating girlfriend. well after much sole searching i finally managed to make her my ex though it has taken a lot to get over her. I want to start meeting people again but to be honest i dont feel i know how any more. I know people mention dating sites and joining events but i find my self so sacred that anyone i do meet will turn out the same. How can i get my confidence back and my ability to trust.
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (3 December 2011):
You get hurt and then someone who`s innocent feels the after affect. Its true that the new person should not be judged or compared to the previous bad one. If there`s not full trust then do your best to hide it. I can guarantee not every woman will cheat on you so dont just automatically expect it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2011): This is just my personal experience, but I can say that you will probably never be completely trusting of anyone again. Once you've been hurt and beaten down by lies, it changes you and you no longer have that ability to trust 100%.
It takes a while, but eventually you will be willing to try even if you don't trust 100%.
There ARE trustworthy people out there... it's just hard to tell who is who.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (2 December 2011):
 Well it's good that you're willing to the next step to getting over your ex- and that's meeting new people. One way to build up confidence, is to constantly assure yourself that not every woman is going to cheat on you. Let me put it to you this way... at some point you may come across a woman who has been cheated on and feel as though all men are the same. But would that really apply to you? Would you break a woman's heart? I have a feeling that you probably won't. Why? Because you may be a good guy. So understand it's the same the other way around. Just because one woman broke your heart, you have to keep the faith- and believe that you'll meet a good woman. Take a leap of faith and start talking to women again. Get back into the groove of things by being process-oriented(just talking, flirting, etc) not outcome-oriented ( like you HAVE to get her number). In this case there is no risk involved- as you're just basically "getting your feet wet" by communicating again with the opposite sex. And when you're ready, head out to social events, go to clubs, talk to women online, at your local supermarket, bookstore, etc., and ask them out. Here's some additional reading that may be beneficial for you:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/three-ways-to-know-that-your-ready-for.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-meet-the-man-or-woman-of.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/what--women-want-most-from-a-guy.htmlBest of luck to you!
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (2 December 2011):
Hi there. What needs to happen is for you to forget the fear of someone else cheating on you in future.
What I mean by forget about it, is to not be consciously thinking about it all the time, the way you probably do now.
The more you think about it, the more power it has over your life. You give it energy every time you have thoughts about it happening.
So therefore, you make it a reality.
When you fear something, it can become all that you think about, so you never get to think about what good things could happen. It can even become an obsession.
In short, it gets in the way of happiness.
And while you are constantly worrying about it, you are not getting to know the person you are dating. So it stays shallow, as you probably hold yourself back from fully engaging with them - which is what is really needed.
So consequently, you are not connecting with them on an emotional level.
You become anxious and can't relax, and that probably leads to you acting needy and insecure and somewhat aloof.
You need to just trust a person completely, unless they ever give you any reason not to.
People aren't all the same. They won't all cheat, so you need to realize that. They are in the minority.
What probably has been happening for you since those days, is that you go out and expect that they will cheat. So then you don't give them your full attention, because you have already told yourself it probably won't last anyway, so why should you bother to make an effort.
And then at some point, you kind of switch off emotionally. And probably without realizing it.
People can sense when someone is insincere. Even though you liked them, your actions told them otherwise - because of the doubts you already had from previous relationships.
It's the emotional baggage you have been carrying around with you into the next relationship and the next, and the next.
Emotional baggage, weighs pretty heavy. And it becomes even heavier with time. So keep that in mind.
It's a case of being completely open minded, and just giving it a chance. And above all, being true to yourself.
If you believe in yourself and that you deserve the best life has to offer, then you really can't go wrong.
Expect only the best from life and accept nothing less.
Don't let anyone treat you badly or take you for granted.
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