A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My bf is trying to pressure and manipulate me into having sex with him. I keep saying that I want to wait. Im not saying no, just not right now as I want to know him better and I think trust needs to be built, and that level of trust can only be built over a period of time. My bf however says that sex is somethign that all couples do, so we should do it. He says its expected. He says he has needs which he NEEDS to satisfy. He says that if i cared and loved him, then I would have sex with him. He makes me feel bad and guilty for saying no. He makes me feel like im a bad gf because in his view, i must not want to make him happy because if i did want to see him happy, i would sleep with him. He keeps trying to make out that he wants to have sex for ME. He says he wants to see me experience it and to be pleasured etc- that would make him happy. I keep telling him that i dont neeed that to be happy, what i need is for him to respect me and to not pressure me and that would truly make me happy- but he still insists on having sex is the only way to make me happy. My bf makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. He tries to blame me wanting to wait on my past relationships and my so called insecurities. Just because i was hurt in the past, he tries to blame that on the reason why i want to wait. I keep explaining to him that even if i hadnt been hurt in the past, i would want to wait still. He doesnt accept any responsibility either for the part he plays in this. When we first started being in a relationship, he said he would only wait a certain period of time for sex. Because he put a time frame on it, it has made me feel like i cant trust him because i know that if i dont do it within that time frame hes just going to dump me. And if he can leave me so easily over an issue of not having sex right there and then, well then how do i know that if we do have sex, he wont leave soon enough anyway? He wont admit to that being a huge part of the problem. He would rather blame it all on my ex. What do i do? Apart from the sex issue in our relationship, there are many others. His family and friends dont like me because im not wild and party like them. Im more quiet and conservative. I dont share the same values as them. They look at me like as if im a weirdo and they try to change me into being like them. They try to get me to do things that go against my values as well. My bf isnt supportive of me in my career. He once said I will fail, just because im quiet and conservative. He also flirts alot with other girls. Including pinching their bums, calling them names like babe etc and making sexual jokes towards them. Right in front of me, as well as online and behind my back im sure too. You are probably thinking why am i with him? well, i feel like if i was a better person it woudlnt be like this. he keeps telling me that im the problem and that if i changed i woudlnt be so unahppy in this relationship. it doesnt help that i had similar issues with my ex bf's, so it def makes me feel like im the problem.
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female
reader, tamika1983  +, writes (13 August 2009):
U don't need him cause he don't respect u. U want a man that doesn't mind the fact that your not ready for sex and is willing to wait until u decide that your ready without cheating with someone else. A guy should never disrespect u in front of other people as well. U deserve better and this is actually the first time in a long time I've seen someone that takes pride in their sexual relationships. As for myself I went about things the wrong way and ended up with my first kid at 12 my second at 14 my third at 17 and my last at 25. I love my kids to death but if I could do it over again I would have been wise cause they all left me. My 12 yr old met her father for the first time last year.my second never seen his father but my third's father was his father and we were happy at one point in time then it fell apart. What I'm saying is be yourself don't let anybody influence u into something u don't want. If him or his family can't accept u for u then screw them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): my ex boyfreinds mates used to hate me aswell because they used to party hard and smoke like troopers.
but as ive grown older they hated me cos i respected myself and i didnt make an idiot out of myself every weekend i passed all my tests at shcool and im doin well in life. FORGET THEM,their jelouse.
as for the sex thing,im a 17year old virgin and i used to find it imbarrasing but as i get older im starting to feel so proud of myself beacuse when i do settle down and find the man of my dreams its going to be so special.
and everyone i tell have so much repect for me and think that its great that ive managed to last this long.
Its all about respect honey. allways respect yourself.
if you aint ready..you aint ready.
leave him.
he aint worth the hassle.
x
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A
female
reader, xAx  +, writes (12 August 2009):
 You have probably heard this from many people so far, but i think the more people tell you this, the better. You need to leave him. He does not love you and only wants sex from you. He only wants to satisfy his needs and not yours. By the sounds of it, he is selfish. Sex is not something that should be planned and should be done at the right time. Please, please leave him. There are better boyfriends out there for you, who will not push you into things that you don't want to do.
Being shy and conservative is not a bad thing. Not at all. Ignore what he says. He is the problem and not you. Not all boys like girls who party all the time. Find someone who loves you for who you are.
Hope this helps X
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): He is manipulative and he is a jerk.
You can sleep with him and his griping about sex will go away, but he will always be a manipulative jerk. His reasons that he gives you will just be different after sex is no longer something to gripe about.
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A
male
reader, SubtleTsunami +, writes (12 August 2009):
Hey there,
First of all, why can't I find a girl like you in real life? Lol, no seriously though. I would love to find a girl who didn't party, and sleep around with everyone. Sorry hon, but this guy your with is a loser who doesn't deserve you. He wants to have sex to make you happy? HAHAHA. That is just funny. He wants to have sex with you to please himself and nothing else. You are not the problem here. I promise. The problem is more society. Everybody seems to be so cheap now-a-days and nothing has any value anymore. Dump this guy. Seriously. He obviously has no respect for you. Putting a time limit on you!? Are you serious? Wow. Seriously girl, don't even think you are the problem. You got a boyfriend who wants in your pants to add a notch on his belt and nothing more. Or just wants in your pants and nothing more period. And yes as the first poster put, he is just trying every thing he can to sleep with you. Don't ever change yourself for someone else. Oh man, I could go on all day about this! He told you would fail at your career? I'm not hitting on you lol I promise. But I would support my girlfriend in whatever she did. Especially if she was a girl like you. Kick this slime ball to the curb. If you change yourself to make a relationship work, that means it will never work. You obviously aren't a match with this guy, so don't give him the satisfaction of dumping you, beat him to the punch.
Okay, on a calmer note. Sorry, but to hear a thing like that, and be a guy, and know how guys are, that just plain makes me mad. Guys like that are the worst kind of people. They make the world and society the way it is. Anyways though, think about it. In a relationship, in order for it to work, you need to be a match with someone. You need to 'groove' so to speak. You cannot truly change yourself in a way that you do not want to be for somebody else. You will be miserable. Please, dump this fool. He's not even worth an ounce of your time. If you'd like to talk more about this, send me a private message, i'd be more than willing to take the time.
Sincerely,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): What do you do? You tell him to go f*** himself!
He's trying every ruse and reason to get inside your underwear. It's what boys do. He's showing a complete lack of respect for you. You don't say how long you've been together, but it shouldn't be any longer than it is now. If he can't respect you and your feelings it's time to get rid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): short and sweet? leave him he is a jerk and you deserve better.he shouldnt treat you like this.
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