A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone hope you can help me with this well this lad and my daughter are best friends and have been since they were in infant school, they are both 16 now. Well he stays with us a lot even thought he only lives a 5minute walk away as he doesn't get on with his mum and they don't like each other. i won't go into details with that but he's had a really hard time with life over it and there's no way it will ever get sorted to be honest. The sooner she's out his life the better, believe me I know what she's like. Anyway I knew he would be stopping over last Saturday night and me and my daughters dad would be out over night and her older brother probably wouldn't be in depending on what he wanted to do. Anyway I came home and her door wasn't fully shut and I saw them in bed together, they didn't look like they had been doing anything as she had a full set of pj's on and I could see that and so did he. They were both asleep. She was lying with her back to him and him behind with his arms round her. I don't think there is anything going on between them but I know that she has very deep feelings for him and that he seems to have them for her and they have been getting extremely close recently to say they are just friends. I wouldn't mind if they were going out together as he' a really nice lad, he's kind caring and I know he isn't the type that would ever hurt someone, he's one of them that's really hard to find. Now although this doesn't bother me and if they were going out I probably would let them sleep together occasionally just to sleep. The shock of seeing them like that is just haunting me of what I saw even though it wasn't sexual. I want to try and talk to her about this and if there is anything going on I just wish she would tell me and not keep things from me. I have to admit although i'm pretty laid back and give her the freedom to go out as i trust her i have been a bit over protective about her getting a bf because i don't want her to get hurt but surely she knows that i would be okay with this as she's told me how she feels about him before but nothing was done about it as she didn't want to tell him. We have always had a good relationship between us so I don't see why she wouldn't tell me. What to I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): In this situation I dont know if it would be better not knowing what went on.If something did happen how would it make you feel?angry?upset? What would you do about it?Maybe she keeps things from you because she is not sure how you will react.Maybe this is something she would prefer to discuss with friends of the same age who are experiencing the same things.Did you used to discuss these sort of things with your mum at that age,if so it may be a different matter.Another thing is why do you need to know anyway? If it did happen you cant stop it happening again,because if you tell her not to she will do the opposite.Its just a part of growing up but you could discuss the importance of safe sex with her (if you havent already)to break the ice and then she may tell you!If she wants you to know im sure she will tell you when shes ready.good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007): hi i wrote this question. thanks for the advice i would like to know how could i bring this up in a convosationor when the right time would be but in a way i would really like to know if they did have sex or not i'm not to bothered about anything else like kissing or anything, i wouldn't be mad i would just like to know. I'm not sure if i should tell her dad about this not that he would mind but not sure how to go about it. i wasn't sre if i should post this or ask as a seperate question but i'll try this first. thanks
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A
male
reader, SumYungGuy  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 Good answer Helen!OR, maybe there's nothing to hide. Maybe nothing sexual happened. Maybe they were just up talking and fell asleep. We often times forget that teenagers can have relationships that doesn't involve sexual contact. But you seem to have a good relationship with your daughter which is why the answer that Helen gave just might work! But if she doesn't talk to you about it then it's okay. That's part of her development. All normal teenage behaviour, no matter how close you are to her. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Helen Help! :) +, writes (1 August 2007):
 Hey based on what youve said about your daughter it seems to me that u can jus go right ahead and ask her maybe say excitedly "sooo ur door was open other night when i came in and i saw (lads name) with his arm around you wat was tht all about" if she does like him shell b really excited probably n tell u everything if you act interestd and excited about what was happenin. theres nothing a girl likes to do more thn go on n on n on about the lad she likes. just make sure the lad isnt around tho good luck :)
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