A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20. I started dating a great guy a few months ago, and for the past month, all I've been thinking about is getting pregnant. He's 27, has a wonderful job, and would not walk out on me if I got pregnant. His father left when he was young and he wouldn't do that to his child...Anyways. I need some help. I want to stop taking my birth control pills without telling him. Can someone PLEASE give me a reality check? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2012): That would be completely wrong to do.
Your basically saying that you want go get pregnant partly so that you can lock him into a relationship with you.
Getting pregnant with someone you love is a decision made between the two of you. Just because you are the one physically holding the baby for 9 months doesn't mean you get to decide on your own.
Maybe he is not ready to have kids... Did you think of that?
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (7 June 2012):
its a highly selfish and immature thing to do, that should be reality check enough for you
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2012):
 How much will it cost you to raise this child on your own?
how much time? alone as a single mom? because that's what you will be.
how much money? because you will need lots of money for the attorney to sue him for child support and if he does not step up you will be the one alone responsible for day care and support (and as WELL YOU SHOULD IF YOU TRICK HIM)
how much heartache? he will hate you. he will not want you... he will NEVER TRUST YOU....
What an evil bitchy WRONG thing to do.... to stop taking BC without so much as a by your leave to the FATHER of this baby?
to trick him?
ya know what that gets you?
a man devoted to a child who HATES the mother for tricking him.
it gets you a child with a single mom and a visiting dad who is NOT a complete family.
WHAT A HORRIBLE TERRIBLE NO GOOD VERY BAD THING TO EVEN THINK!
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (4 June 2012):
Why would you want to screw over someone like that, especially if he's as great as him? You'd basically be punishing him for being a good guy because a guy with less integrity would drop you in a heartbeat and you know it.
No matter how crafty you'll go about it he will add two and two together and he will resent you for it. He may not leave because he has decency (something that cannot be said of you if you go through with this) but the relationship will be doomed and the child will suffer for it. The decision to have a baby is not just yours to make if you want him to take part as a father.
Every heard of the expression "shitting on your own doorstep"? That's what you'll be doing if you go ahead with this. I'm happy you came here for a reality check because honestly, it's one of the worst things you can do.
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male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 You have the message, loudly and clearly. Sneaky, underhand tactics are no basis for a relationship and, as has been mentioned, are tantamount to entrapment, or fraud.
If he ever found out - and he will - he will resent you for as long as he stays around, which may not be for long....
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female
reader, babu3u +, writes (4 June 2012):
 My mom did what you are planning to do and it was of course a complete failure. My dad didn't leave because he believed the right thing to do is to stay. My parents relationship was a huge mistake. Not only my parents suffered but my sisters and I did as well. In the end they both divorced and now they are happier. DON'T DO IT! its a really stupid idea.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (4 June 2012):
 You already know it's not right. And doing something when you know it isn't right because you want to... well, that's gonna feel real crappy. And then to have a child come out of that lie, a constant reminder that it wasn't made out of love, or even a happy accident - it was a deliberate deception?
Ayy yi yi.
This relationship is new, and is it going pretty well? I mean, he's getting older, his biological clock is going to start to tick soon. It's not as if he's your age and isn't anywhere near being ready. Give your relationship some more time, let it get more serious, see where it goes. Having a baby right now would not only be wrong for all the aforementioned issues, but would also probably destroy a perfectly lovely relationship that could end up a happily ever after!
I suggest you tell him that you don't want to use birth control anymore, and ask him if he'd like to start using condoms. (Perhaps you are at a stage where you can not be trusted with the birth control? Perhaps the temptation to procreate is too great?)
But, here's why I like you. I'll be honest... my biological clock has sometimes lept out of my chest and I had the same thought drift through my head... what if I just "accidentally" forgot today's pill? But I could never actually do something like that - I would give myself a quick reality check and move on. At least you know you need the reality check. You're not writing for permission to do this, you're just writing to help convince yourself out of it. And that is a totally commendable thing. Good for you!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): People should be prosecuted and imprisoned for purposely tricking someone into a pregnancy they don't want.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (4 June 2012):
Trapping a guy by getting pregnant is not the way to go. You already know it's not right because you want a reality check. You'll be REALLY disappointed if he does walk out--which could very well happen. Even the nicest guys won't stick around, at least not until the baby comes. Even then, he still may not want to be with you. Plus, think of the guilt you'll have. You'll feel horrible lying to him with a "Whoops! I have no idea how that happened!" when you were supposed to be on birth control.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2012): A few months is too short.
Do not do that to him. Do you know what is going to happen to trust in your relationship? That is, if the relationship survives.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2012): It's not your decision to make alone. It would be wrong, and if he found out, he WOULD walk out on you because you set him up. He'd have to support his child, but he would despise you.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 June 2012):
 Don't do it.
Having a child is a MAJOR change to your life and one you should do on a "whim" and CERTAINLY not without telling your partner about. That is not only dishonest, it's bordering on "entrapment". You KNOW he would stay if you got pregnant. Not because he might WANT to but because he wouldn't do that to his own child. You don't think he might resent you down the line for doing that?
Don't be cruel.
YOU have also ONLY known him a few months. Come on, honey! TAKE the time to REALLY get to know him. Specially if HE is the guy you want to be with long term, the guy you want to father your children.
You are only 20, what's the hurry?
You want me to go on?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2012): This saddens me , now why in hell would u do that too such a great guy.. what if he's not ready. Or what if he just wants to keep things as they are. You might think getting pregnant will tie the guy down or what not ,trust me you have it wrong. Gosh why are girls so selfish. I'm 16 how old are u? if you want a baby so bad plan it out okay and TALK to you partner about it..
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