A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm just so stressed out, my husband was a serial cheater who I refused to call quits with as he always lied he's way out of every dodgy situation. I left him when I was pregnant and things went from bad to worse, with him getting violent etc. I got court orders to stop him from harrassing me etc.Since the baby has been born he has attacked my boyfriend by breaking into my home. And he was put on remand for breaking the court orders. I've testified in court cases and he has managed to get off due to a very good legal team. I've lived in fear for ages, while trying to bring up a new born baby.Now he is going blastic because I want to take the baby abroad for a bit. He sees the baby once a week for 7 hours. He doesn't give me any feedback on if the baby ate, drunk or anything. He is very hostile towards me.He has a child from another relationship and he is bring the child up as a single parent now. He used to threaten the child's mother too, but at the time I thought it was because she was neglecting the child and upseting him. He has full custody of the child through the courts.He has charmed my parents into believing he is a wounded helpless man. But he repeatly told me he has no problem with killing me, as jail is easy and no issue for him. The only people who see him as a threat is the police. He has also stated he doesn't want my boyfriend anywhere near the baby. He even came to my gran's funeral and sat with the baby all evening, just so my boyfriend would not hold the baby. He seems to know everything I'm doing and is making me feel like I can't trust anyone. He befriended my Ex bestfriend and turned her against me, after she had been there for me throughout all the rubbish he had put me through. He blames me for everything and he can not see he's own faults. I just can't live like this anymore. How best can I deal with him? He makes out he is the best father, but he wants to control my life! I want to stop being he's victim and start living without fear!
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female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (7 July 2010):
Listen to what the women from the shelter tell you! they have also been their at one point in their life! some jsut wont tell you that. and going to the courts is the right step and the legal way to do things! but always becareful because men like that do not want to let go. so stay in tough w/ the shelter women!! please stay in touch w/ us and let us know how you are doing.Good Luck!
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (30 June 2010):
Just a quick reply! if you don't have to let him see your child don't by all means allow him too! get your confidence and back bone back honey, you are going to need it w/ someone like that. but you are going to have to be sneaker then him you know him and what he thinks you lived w/ him so now you fight back protect your child and you how dare he invade your life! like that. i would show that asshole who hes messing with and it would be all legal and making the right steps in being very careful do not what ever he says or does meet him anywhere by yourself and not out in the boonies.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 June 2010):
To have confidence, you have to have something to back it up. No one just 'has confidence'. Right now, the only reason that he can do what he does is that no one knows who he really is. So the best thing you can do is show them, literally. He won't be able to argue with recordings.
Of course you're feeling underconfident. I would be. But it's because you've nothing that you can draw upon to build you confidence again. I'm sure if you get recordings is this man, you'll suddenly realize you can really show him up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies, I spent another night jumping at any sound and clutching my mobile phone and police panick button.I have been in touch with women's aid at the end of last year and they informed me how to get the court orders etc. As well as counselling, I'm very embrassed that I am in this situation. I have always been very sensible but now I'm rendered feeling helpless.I only let him see the baby, so he will back off and I'll feel safe in my own home.He has told so many lies against me and I think he believes them. I had a property when I meet him, I upsized when he's child came to live with us. For the majority of the time I was the main bread winner, he never once paid even 50% of the household bills or mortgage. But he tells people he put he's saving into my property, which is not true.I feel like I've lost my back bone! I need to find the confidence to fight back.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (29 June 2010):
Trust me they have no faults in their eyes! but it's a good thing that the police see right through him? i'll tell you a place that can maybe help you? call a womans shelter and speak w/ them and let them know what is going on now before it's to late. you will have them on your side! and always document everything time and date! this has always been his pattern w/ women you are not the first and wont be the last why don't you call his ex- maybe u 2 can get together 2 heads or better then one. and if you feel hes threatening your life! carry a tape recorder on you at all times be very careful do not meet him anywhere only in public places and don't let him try to use your child to pick her up some where where theres no'one around please becareful they are good because they are sick in their heads and don't care.
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A
female
reader, LolaCherryCola +, writes (29 June 2010):
I'm not sure where you live, but a quick Google search on "domestic violence" and your city and state should bring up some resources. I know of projectwomanohio.org and domesticviolence.org for Ohio and Michigan respectively, and domesticviolence.com for New York with a National Hotline. Some other resources are loveisrespect.org and loveisnotabuse.com, though they are geared more toward teen dating violence. Hopefully you can find resources in your area -- there may even be a temporary shelter you can go to in order to escape the specter of the ex for a while, at least enough time to learn to use the equipment that CaringGuy suggested or fill out more paperwork against him. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I wish you the best of luck.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 June 2010):
 Yes, do as caring guy said. Your ex is playing a serious game. Step up and take it to the next level yourself. He threatens you? Record it. As many times as you feel will be necessary. Pictures too if there are things he broke or if he is stalking you. Get evidence! Then it is no longer your word against his. Get your boyfriend to help you record things as well if you feel you can trust him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 June 2010):
The best thing I ever heard was a woman who had the same problem as you. You know what she did? She recorded every conversation, every phone call, and even hid a camera in her living room and in her hallway to record what happened. She got all her evidence, walked to her solicitor with a smile on her face and had him jailed, with no chance of him ever seeing the children. Get a few cameras and a Dictaphone and learn how to use them secretly. Then record absolutely everything and walk into court with a smile on your face.
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