A
female
age
41-50,
*olandarose78
writes:Ok, I'll try to be succinct!I'm learning Italian and I met an italian online many months ago through a Language Exchange Website who wanted to improve his english, so we have been engaged in a 'tandem' language exchange since the end of september (so nearly 3 1/2 months). We speak almost daily on Skype (though since mid-december it's been a bit erratic due to our busy schedules)..... but the communication has been constant, all under the premise of improving our language skills. Here is where I am confused. We have SO much in common. We're both in our 30's. We share similar interests, outlooks on life and even similar goals. We clearly enjoy chatting to each other. We seem to have chemistry, and I am certainly attracted to him. He has subtly flirted with me in the past (to which I probably haven't been responsive enough, which might have been my downfall but I was a bit scared to go down that road given we are so far apart, he is in Italy, I am in Australia). He doesn't flirt as much now, but he still seems interested in maintaining our relationship. I just can't work out if that interest is solely to learn a new language, or because he is actually interested in me romantically. I have also noticed that since October, he no longer logs onto the Language Exchange Website. Although I was on the other side of the world, I have recently moved to the same continent (though not the same country), which makes meeting up more viable. I've also told him, or even hinted, that I can't wait to make weekend trips to Italy, hoping he would suggest meeting up.I just don't know whether to suggest a meeting, or wait for him to suggest it? We have never broached that subject of even meeting in person. I know him well enough to know he is not a psychopath, he is definitely genuine, and a gentleman... but where do I take it from here???Would love to hear peoples advice, experience and thoughts on this, Thanks in advance
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female
reader, Yolandarose78 +, writes (19 January 2011):
Yolandarose78 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks both dirtball and female anonymous for your honesty!
Dirtball, you're absolutely right about LDR's, and it's not something I particularly want, however saying that.. we are both in positions that if it was right, then both of us have the freedom and desire to move around and make it work.
female anonymous, i think you may have hit the nail on the head.... he is an intelligent man, he isn't shy and he isn't afraid to flirt, so if he wanted to suggest a meet up when i mentioned I might come to Italy he would have.
Ufffff disappointing, and confusing for me as it feels like there is so much potential. Maybe I am reading into our 'online friendship' too much. And for him, it really simply is just all about learning a new language, and nothing else.... and for him to improve his language skills, it needs to be consistent (which is what he has said in the past).
I always want the men who don't want me, yet never want the men who do. Obviously i've got some issues to work on there.
Anyway, thanks guys, I really appreciate your responses.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Communication is the number one indicator of success in a relationship, so it's natural for you to develop feelings for someone with whom you communicate well. It's unclear if these feelings are shared. Many people will stray away from LDR's (long distance relationships) because of the difficulty and low success rate. That might be a reason for him to cease the flirting.
It might not be bad to suggest a meet up. You could use the guise of planning a vacation to Italy to try out the skills you two have been working on and see if he'd be able to show you around if you came to his city. Make it low pressure and see how he reacts.
Before suggesting anything romantic, I would suggest thinking it through. Like I said, LDR's are really tough, and usually not worth it. It's best if you're sure you think you can handle it before even considering suggesting that step to him. I suggest you read some of the threads in the "long distance" tab on the right hand side of the main page.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Haven't you already dropped enough hints about your prospects of visiting Italy and he didn't reciprocate? I doubt he's dense and caught on to your hints. It sounds as if he's not keen on the idea...maybe you are not his romantic type or like you said a gentleman who doesn't want to be put on the spot about why he is backing away.
Experience has taught me when we start making excuses for a man's lack of initiative, it's because he doesn't want it and forcing it to happen just makes it worse due to the rejection factor. they may play along to not appear impolite but inevitably a relationship we have to make happen is one not in the cards.
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