A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Me and my boyfriend are moving in together soon and it might be possible for me to have a mortgage on a place.However I don't want to go into a mortgage with my boyfriend.It sounds cruel but even though i adore him I just dont feel like he is stable yet? What I mean is we moved in together once before and after a while he said he needed time apart to sort himself out etc, and I understood so I left the flat (I had to be the one to go because of money issues, but we stayed together in the relationship though and just lived apart).I guess I just worry that if we got a mortgage together, he might just want to go again and then there would be a bigger mess.Do you think I'm doing the right thing?
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (26 April 2013):
 You really have two worries; him going again and if he does, by Australian Law, after 2 years in a De-facto relationship the other person is/can be entitled to a percentage of the property… That of course has a lot of variables – grey area. In your case for example; you’re both moving in at the same time. Whereas I owned my property before the partner moved in, even though he could make a mess out of my life, he still would not come out with half my house etc! So for added protection I had a property agreement written up to mutually secure our separate assets…As a sole mortgagee yourself, this is where you become business like in your financial affairs. If he buys a garden rake, does any labour about the property etc. it’s noted and receipted in the books. But at the end of the day is he really worth it? I like the idea of a housemate to help you along with the payments – less mess the better!?Take Care – CAA
A
male
reader, TeardropsOnMyGuitar  +, writes (26 April 2013):
Check the laws for common law relationships. It is possible he could take half the net value of the home depending on where you live.
In British Columbia you're equivalent to married in 2 years of living together!!!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 April 2013):
 Why would you move in with a man who you don’t find stable enough to have a mortgage with?
I would go and buy your own house and not move in with him as you already tried it once and he “kicked you out”
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 April 2013):
 Considering the past that you've revealed... I think it's the WRONG THING irrespective of if or whether or who holds a mortgage.....
WHY would you put yourself at financial (and emotional) risk for - and with - a guy who you know hasn't grown up yet?????
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (25 April 2013):
 Hi
Just don't let him move in, you don't live together now.
Buy it for yourself,in your name and when he improves and your confident about him financially he can move in.
If you need his money to pay the mortgage then perhaps you could get a lodger instead, to help you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): Don't feel guilty about being practical and facing reality.
Purchasing a home together is always better if you're married, for legal reasons. The mistake many young people make, living together, is intertwining their assets or bank accounts. This shouldn't be done; because the other person can damage your credit, or leave you holding unwanted debt.
You are a very sensible young woman. Too many young people are blinded by love, and assume they have to make unnecessary sacrifices or irresponsible risks to prove it.
You're on the right track.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 April 2013):
 If you can afford the mortgage alone, then I don't see the problem at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): I think you are very wise to be cautious.
Although I do wonder where your relationship is headed... You clearly don't trust him (apparently with good reason) so I'm inclined to ask whether moving in together before you trust his commitment is a good idea?
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A
female
reader, UnknownGoddess +, writes (25 April 2013):
I think this is a smart move as at least then you are covered if he needs his space again.
However, you just need to make sure that you are 100% honest with him about your reasons for it so that he understands. And maybe during the conversation you can discuss a compromise or another solution for you to move back in together.
It's all about communication. Make sure he is ready this time before you do anything.
Good luck :)
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