A
male
age
30-35,
*jang19
writes:Although I am semi-religious, I have never accepted the idea of saving yourself to marriage to have sex.. That may have worked back in the old days, but now, society has evolved in a way that sex is almost mandatory for a healthy relationship. That being said, I have currently hit a snag in my relationship of seven months. My girl friend and I are both eighteen, and due to where we go to school, we see each other very little. Both of us were ready for sex (Now when i say this, i mean just sex in general, i'll explain more in a bit) We are three months into our relationship, but because of all this "alone time" i've had time to think. She has slept with two guys before me, given oral sex to five, and other sexual actions (HJ's, touching, etc) to over ten. This includes things like skinny dipping and going to nude beaches when she was sixteen up until the month before we met, with several of her male friends who she still keeps readily in contact with.Now until recently, like any teenage guy, I didnt care what the circumstances were, I just wanted to have sex. However, every time I think about the things she's done with guys I feel disgusted, to the point at which if I'm with her and a thought gets into my mind, I lose all sexual interest and just want to not be around her. When I first met her, she told me she wasn't a virgin, but she claimed that she had only had sex with one guy, and he was insistent for her to do it, and she agreed, which made me okay, to want to have sex with her, because I would do it with her respect in mind, not just wanting her body. However I learned from her talking when she was drunk that not only did she want to have sex with him, but she had several orgasms, and even bought toys to increase their pleasure, all when she was around fifteen to sixteen years old.Is it reasonable for me to feel this disgusted that she has done so many things sexually at her age? What I find most repulsive besides the sheer number of guys is the fact that she continued doing it readily until she met me, and even to this day guys will text her saying things like "I miss seeing your hot naked body, you should come over more" to which she responds in a flirtatious manner, not even shutting the guy down.I just really dont know what to do, because 1) I do care for her and 2) I AM ready to lose my virginity, 3)I just dont know how I feel about loosing it to someone who was so sexually adventurous at such a young age.
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (6 March 2011):
@Jjang19: You don't have to take stupid comments personal. Be prepared because so many people is waiting to judge you for judging your girlfriend. As if judging were a sin.You have the right to choose your girlfriend according to whatever you think you should. Some people will tell you "you can't judge her for what she did in the past, because it's the past". What big non-sense. If you don't like her past and you can't take it. Just leave this girl and find someone else. No matter how much you love her, you will be able to love another girl as much as her, or even much more than her.I don't blame her for what she did. I think it's only natural, and it works most of the time. But every couple comes to a time where they have to decide if they can go on or not. And maybe it's your moment. I guess she's a good girl but she messed up this time.@mdw: How old are you, for real? "If you didn't have sex you couldn't pass on a std." Are you kidding? STDs can be transmitted without sex because they have more than one way of passing on. And sex is only one of them.
A
male
reader, Jjang19 +, writes (6 March 2011):
Jjang19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd its asshole guys like mdw that make me wonder if i should even be emotionally attached to any girl... Considering all the assholes who just use girls get more respect and seem to be happier in and out of a relationship..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Its makes life easier for the sexually active girl if other chaste people don't have the right to feel disgust. It makes life easier for the sexually chaste male if chaste people do have that right. Popular opinion has more respect for the sexually active female than the sexually chaste male. So popular opinion says you're wrong for feeling disgusted.
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A
male
reader, mdw  +, writes (4 March 2011):
Look, the reason why people got married when they were virgins was because of std's. If you didn't have sex you couldn't pass on a std, so where a condom or ask her if she has a std. OMG a girl lied about how much sexual experience she had... welcome to the real world all girls lie about there sexual experience. When you're 60 years old or going to look back on your life ask yourself why didn't I bang my hot 18 old girlfriend at the time because I was too judgmental and we all know what it says in the Bible about judging people.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 I don't think this has got to do with being Christian or not. Maybe you feel what is called retroactive jealousy ? Or perhaps you are a bit intimidated by her having more experience than you and deep down you are afraid she will compare you unfavourably with previous experiences ? or also you can't be sure she 'll give to your first time together the same value and weight that you 'd give it. Whatever the reason- take your time. When in doubt, abstain from action. It's not like you MUST lose your virginity with this girl ! You can wait for another one. If the idea of having sex with her is making you uncomfortable- then don't do it. Sex is supposed to be fun and exciting- if it's gotta be depressing, what's the point, then.
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A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (3 March 2011):
It's not a matter of religion only. And perhaps you are not a Christian but you were raised into a Christian like set of values.I guess she will appreciate if you give her your virginity. The problem is she doesn't give "virginity" the value you give to it. To you it's something you give to a special person. And for her, well, maybe she gave her virginity to whom was a special person for her at that time. Or not at all. That doesn't make the difference now. You don't share the same set of values and that is a sign of incompatibility.
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A
male
reader, Jjang19 +, writes (3 March 2011):
Jjang19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just dont know why I am so disturbed by everything that she's done... Im not into the whole Chirstian-purity thing but Im afraid ill just feel disgusting after i give her my virginity and i dont know if she will even appreciate it or will just want more sex.
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A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (3 March 2011):
I guess that "values" is the key word here. As what you feel is nothing but your judgement of her past. You don't approve what she did. So, if you want to do the right thing you should not have sex with her. You will probably break up with her right after having sex. And you will end up using her. Or maybe you don't break up, and that will be worst. The more you love her, the more you will regret what she did (since you already regret it). Because you can love somebody and hate her at the same time.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 March 2011):
It's never "reasonable " to feel disgust for other people weaknesses. Everybody is human , everybody makes mistakes,
everybody makes decisions in their life that other people find questionable- and "disgust " sounds like an uncompassionate, close minded, excessive reaction.
BUT : it is your reaction, and you have any right to seek a partner who shares your values and your view of sexuality. If her past promiscuity is a turn off and a deal breaker for you- then leave this girl and find another one whom you can respect.
Eventually no relationship survives without respect , "caring " is not enough.
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