A
male
age
41-50,
*armaguy
writes:Let me give you a little background. I started dating this girl around 3 months back and I'm of Indian ethnicity and she is also of Indian ethnicity. We both hold some traditional views about sex before marriage -- that it shouldn't be done before marriage.I have little dating experience, and I have dated two girls who are American and those were short-term long-distance relationships, which unfortunately didn't work out.After our 3 or 4th date, I really wanted to hug and kiss my current girl friend, because I felt good with her, but didn't have the guts to do it, thinking that she may not allow it.Then one day we had a fight over the phone, where she wrongly accused me. I was very hurt and went into my shell, and wasn't talking. She felt bad herself and apologized, and we were fine again.After some time we did smooch/kiss and hugged, but I never touched her boobs intentionally and we had a great time.Recently she was out of the country for a fortnight and i think i missed her and she too missed me, but we were in touch on phone/chat. When she came back, I was really happy and picked her at the airport etc and helped her settle back at her place.After that in the night, we hugged/smooched and i seduced her to an extent that she was topless and i sucked her boobs and she was fine with that, but we didn't have sex, because she wouldn't allow it and I might also regret it later on. She did encourage me to touch her in places and we both were enjoying it.Yesterday while talking to her I mentioned to her that what we were doing that night was partly emotional and partly physical.This comment of mine really piqued her and she has been distraught and crying. On my part I think i was honest to speak my mind about what I felt. She thinks that on her part she was totally emotional about what she did with me.Although i did mention to her that i did those things with her, in the hope that there is a long-term potential between both of us.We both think that, yet we are not in love with each other.I think that unless two people are in love with each other, any physical act beyond just hugging and kissing is not emotional, its just a means to satisfy your physical urges.Whereas she thinks that when where people are emotionally attached, any physical act is an expression of love.So, I'm really confused, who is right ? we do share some emotional intimacy.My question would be: Do you think that a physical act like kissing her on her boobs is more of an expression of love or just satisfying your physical urges ?Please help, because I'm not able to understand.
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female
reader, AuntyMaur  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 People have sex everyday to satisfy urges whether it be of physical attraction - or an expression of love. People have sexual intimacy because it is an expression of love...both of you are right in what your saying. Ultimately it comes down to the individual person/s involved. I think the longer people wait to share sexual intimacy would lean toward the people being in love - where as people who make love within a few short days of meeting generally this would be considered a sexual reationship only and often this type of relationship run a course of 6 months - 2 years. It is natural to want to make love with someone you care about and are attracted to. Try not to analyse things so much - stay true to your values - let nature takes it course.
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