A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year now and we both love eachother. When I met her she was in a relationship and we started off as friends and she ended up leaving her ex boyfriend for me, She's never done anything bad, she's faithful, honest, and she's always talking about wanting too get married and have kids and live together forvever, she is just the most wonderful girl I've ever met. I'm 18 and she's 17In the beginning she told me that she wasn't a virgin because her and her ex had sex once she later admitted that it actually happened three times, and it didn't bother me at all because I wasn't a virgin either i've been with six different girls before her and she accepted me anyway, but lately it's been in my mind bothering me and I can't stop thinking about it, it just makes me angry that she's not a virgin and she's had sex before and I have no idea why this makes me mad? I've never had this problem in previous relationships before.I always end up threatening to leave her because she's not a virgin, and it makes her feel bad and it's the worst feeling in the world, she tries everything to give me some assurance she says that she just wants to make me happy,When we first had sex she was embarassed because it hurt her and I ripped her hymen and she bled a lot I and saw the blood, I thought it would be impossible for her to have had sex before and that still be there she recently told me "you broke my virginity isn't that proof enough for you?"She's even said that "If I met you before I would've saved it for you"She also said that "you would laugh if you knew how it was before you because it wasn't real."Right now I want to break up with her just because she's not a virgin, I just can't get over it and it's ruining our relationship,But I love her so much, it's just this one thing about her that bothers me and I wish I could forget about it somehow, but how do I do this?Sometimes I wish I was as understanding as she is.
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male
reader, Kreislan87 +, writes (22 February 2013):
Few last things OP lol, there are options that can help... dye her hair blonde, or brunette, dye it the opposite to what she is. You can get rid of all her old clothes aswell and buy new ones for her. Get her a new perfume, make her sexy as hell. Also don't make the mistake to ask details about what happened with her ex as that will cause deeper pain. and you need an epic song and a bottle ol whisky to finish the job.
Hold tight. Here's the song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfqTq5Aso4o&list=PLCB49E77975755D0B
A
male
reader, Kreislan87 +, writes (22 February 2013):
I completely agree with the OP. Actually just signed up so I could support this guy.In western society it may be normal for a girl not to be a virgin. However, you must not overlook the fact that a woman's virginity is her purity. I mean come on, don't kid yourself's. There are deeper meanings to a woman's virginity that you people clearly don't see. It shouldn't need to be explained further. But I will because I know you people will still be blind. Try to read and understand yh... When you love somebody and find out there not a virgin, it hurts, it hurts to a higher degree because you love them so much. That pain can make you start to dislike her, because now she has become associated with pain. You don't want to feel the pain and love becomes painful. Now its gotten insane, you just can't bare the pain, so you think about breaking up and finding a virgin. Because you realise love comes, love goes, the girl cannot be blamed though, even though she made a mistake. The fault is with neither. It just develops itself as you get more and more in love. My advice OP is try and make it work, keep trying because i'm sure she deserves chances. However if things are getting to bad, then have a break. Make it a serious break for a week. See how you feel, then try again. Just fight basically as best you can. If you win, then happily ever after is yours. If you lose, then think of break up plans. Also, look deep into her eyes and weigh up how unique she is. Can you find a more unique girl? someone also with a loving heart? it could take time for you to find someone. So you have to think about all these things and make a decision bro. Peace out
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): Like the urge to cheat on someone, the O.P.'s feelings are are socially unacceptable . . . but very normal and natural.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (14 March 2012):
Good grief. I made a comment only yesterday about the problem with children having sex and you sum it up perfectly.
If every guy was like you what do you think of what you did to the other 6 girls??
Grow up, and if there is still a chance your girlfriend loves you after the abuse you put her through think youself very lucky.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): You need to really change this small minded attitude. SO WHAT!!!! she is not a virgin!! accept it or leave her alone . It is attitudes like this about VIRGINITY that cost some girls their lives and help breed a false teaching around the world . Do you know some women are murdered BECAUSE they are not virgin's and that's BY SO CALLED FAMILY..do you know some women live in so much fear because of loosing their virginity...STOP HELPING TO BREED A VIEW THAT pollutes minds!!! You are young enough and hopfully smart enough to OPEN YOUR MIND to what is really important in this life and what is going on in the bigger world regarding VIRGINITY!!
Who can tell us it is God's will to burn, stone, mutilate another human being for the SAKE OF LOOSING ONE'S VIRGINITY? who can say it is of no consequence to watch a young girl dragged into the street screaming before her Father hangs her?
My point here is do not ADD to the fire a stone that helps kill young women who are not virgins.
Spunky Monkey
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A
female
reader, Echo85  +, writes (13 March 2012):
 Feel free to leave her. She deserves so much more than someone that is going to repeatedly make her apologise for past actions, whether they are mistakes or not. You are not a virgin yourself and if you loved her none of this would matter. Deal with it or let her go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): She deserves better. If you can't accept that she isn't a virgin then do her a favour and let her be with somebody more understanding and not a complete hypocrite.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): It still remains beyond me how people even dare to claim ownership and rights over another person's body, especially retrospectively. What people choose to do with their bodies is their business and has no affect on their value as human beings. It is being a hypocrite for demanding the "purity" of a person if the latter can't bring to the table ''purity'' themselves, and a person is an idiot for even staying a long time.You being young is hardly an excuse for not grasping the basics in human decency. You should refrain from dating until you figure out that you are dealing with human beings and not anatomyparts placed in the universe to serve your "needs".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): wow you have alot of making up to do with your gf.... pot kettle black!!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 March 2012):
 Break up with her. Do her the BIGGEST favour than you can ever do and just leave her alone. I pity the poor girl, I really feel bad for her, that she has to go through all this shit just because she was unfortunate to come across the world's biggest loser. Please leave her alone and find someone as double-faced as you, you dont deserve this girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): The reason this is bothering you is because you like her so much it makes you jealous to think she was with other men. But you don't love her. True love doesn't make their partners feel bad because they did it before they met you. Learn to GET OVER IT!!!!!! like seriously? Obviously she chose YOU because honestly if I were her I would've left you a LOOOOOOOOONG time ago. You are being possesive, overly jealous.It's creepy, mean. Get over it, learn to love her right, buy her some flowers and THANK THE LORD an actual woman lets you touch her!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 March 2012):
 You were NOT a virgin when you met her.
She was NOT a virgin when she met you.
She had one other guy she had sex with, but you had sex with six other girls.
Am I right??
Boy I could rip you up over the massive hypocrisy of what you're even saying, since compared to her, you would be a man whore.
However, I know the *real* problem here, and it's not anything to do with her virginity.
You have real feelings for her, more than the other women. You are feeling almost out of control with how strongly you feel for her, yet you have intimacy issues so off the scale that you are desperately clawing for any way to keep control of both yourself, and her.
You feel as if you don't deserve her, and based on how you're treating her, you're absolutely right. Instead of freaking out that she may compare you to another man and jealous because some BETTER guy may come along, or even worse, that you don't measure up, you're trying to break her down.
She chose YOU, but you're going to lose her if you keep letting your extreme insecurity and terror at losing control of yourself around her cause you to sabotage your relationship.
Treasure HER. Treasure her heart more than you do the "shrink wrap" of newness and virginity. Like I mentioned to someone else who was struggling with the value of a woman's virginity, the true measure of your virility is to make her feel like in your presence, she can take on the world, and that together, you bring each other joy.
So man up, ditch your fear, and build up your woman instead of tear her down. Do that, and you will be the greatest of the great.
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (11 March 2012):
 I am SO angry with you, you that I cannot trust myself to give an answer that the Mods will pass!If this topic is still open after I have calmed down enough to use temperate language, I will try to be helpful.Let me just say for now that you ought to go to her ON YOUR KNEES and beg forgiveness. You are being an a^^!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 You mention you never had this problem in previous relationships before. I think you need to think about this. What about this relationship is different? What separates it from the others? Is it the time you have been together? Do you care more deeply for her than you did for others? Are you thinking about marriage now, maybe you didn't before? Look into what makes this relationship different to you. You had sex with her. Why would you then wish she was a virgin? You'd be having sex with her anyway, and she'd not be a virgin. Look into exactly what it means to you that she was a virgin before you or not. If you can not understand the reasons behind why you feel the way you do, and learn how to control it, then this will probably become a problem for every future relationship you have. And, finally.. if you can not stop yourself from taking this out on her, then yes, for her sake you should leave her, because you are only hurting her and causing her pain. She didn't do anything towards you to deserve this treatment. She was always honest with you. Yet you are angry with her. Is that fair? Maybe you aren't really angry with her. Maybe you are angry with yourself, because YOU have slept with at least 7 people now, and probably these previous girls didn't mean anything to you. Which is why you didn't care about virginity or sex at first. And that now, as you start to deeply care for this girl, you are ashamed of yourself because you wish that YOU had waited with sex until you found someone who you loved. And then you are just taking that anger out on her. Because whether you like it or not, when it comes to the two of you, YOU are worse off. You had sex with 6 women before her, she only had that one. So if you are angry with her over that one guy, imagine how angry you must be with yourself over those 6 girls.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2012): You're seventeen and she is eighteen, the likely hood that you two will be together ten years from now is very slim.
I think that you wanting to break up with your girlfriend because she isn't a virgin is ridiculous and immature. I understand that you care for this girl a great deal, which is probably why the thought of her making love to another person who isn't you upsets you. It probably didn't bother you with your other girlfriends because you didn't care for them as deeply as you do for this one.
You need to either learn how to cope with her having a past because she can't change that or you need to break up with her and let her move on.
My boyfriend and I had the same issue in the beginning of our relationship. But I have accepted that he was with other people before me as was I and we have been together for three years. If, however, you can't cope with this because this issue is too big for you, then you need to end it now.
In today's society the likely hood of you meeting a girl that s a virgin is very very slim so any girlfriend you have in the future will more than likely not be a virgin also. This is something you are going to have to learn to cope with.
Sex with my fiance is more amazing than any other experience I have ever had because I love him and he loves me in return and it's a mature love. There is a difference between sex and making love, contrary to popular belief.
Good luck and i hope everything works out for you.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (11 March 2012):
 I'm not going to suggest you learn to overcome it, because you probably never will. You've already decided your girlfriend is defined not by what is between her ears, but by who might have been between her legs and that only you are entitled to sexual freedom. She doesn't deserve to be treated so shabbily, nor should she have to sit and wait out your mood swings while you try to come to terms with it.
Leave her alone and let her get on with her life. She'll be sad and hurt now, but she'll get over it. She'll get over you.
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A
female
reader, Wise_little_elf  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 You have jealous issues. Which can actually turn out to become pretty dangerous, and if you carry on this way you could end up a very lonely man indeed im afraid... You need to find the reason why this upsets you. Is it because you can't stand the fact she liked another guy that much to let him have sex with her? Is so, if she liked him more than you, she would be with him, not you. So thats one part squashed. If it's because she's not as pure as you wished she had been, realise , we are all human, we all have a past, and ask yourself would you sit around for years being a virgin waiting to find the 'one' no, because you didn't. I really dont want to be harsh on you because you were honest in sharing this, you know you have a problem, by writing this. If you feel you need to break up with her over it, if its always going to anger you, end the relationship, and dont crusify the girl any longer for being a human being. But if you feel you can move past this, forge it, never mention it again, and enjoy thinkin that you could be the only person she ever has sex with again, and for the rest of both your lives.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (11 March 2012):
 I think you need to grow up a little bit.
The vast majority of the women you will date and have relationships with, will NOT be virgins. You have to accept everyone has a past (as you do too) and just deal with it.
If everyone thought like you, then we would all be with our first bf/gf's, married with kids. If you divorced you would be single for the rest of your life.
Try and get a bit of perspective on this. She has had sex a handful of times.... does that really count as being 'experienced'???
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (11 March 2012):
You obviously haven't realised that the problem lies with you and not your girlfriend!
You are seriously insecure and you need to address this before you lose what appears to be a fantastic girlfriend. If you aren't careful she will be the one to end this relationship - and to be truthful I wouldn't blame her if this is how you are behaving - it must be extremely draining for her.
By all means finish the relationship and go find another girl, but I can assure you, if the next ones says she IS a virgin, you probably won't believe her because of your insecurities.
Seek help - search on the internet on Overcoming Insecurity and low self esteem.
Take action before its too late and admit to yourself you have a problem!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 March 2012):
 Wow, she has no problem being with you and you have been with at least 6 girls. Why the double standard? Why can you (as a male) have had sex before, but because she is a girl she can't?
Honestly, dump her so she can find a guy who isn't a dofus who thinks this is 1712, not 2012.
And good luck finding a better girlfriend. Apparently being a virgin is much better then being a good, honest, faithful and loving.
I think you got some issues.
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