A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I moved country's when I was 18 - I realize now I was young and very impressionable. I was persuing a man 8 years older than me however I look back and it wasn't for him at all it was more for the freedom from parents! I could do whatever I wanted without them around. I was in the relationship for three years - got my residency but the relationship was bad he was extremely abusive physically and verbally - a trait I soon found out was past from his father. I had no friends(wasn't allowed) and no family. I felt stuck. I finally left. I am still haunted by it all nightmares and flash backs my heart stops if I see someone that looks like him. I am in another relationship now have been for six years I have a two year old son. My partner had always been lazy but since my son was born he is so much worse. He did not get up thru the night never changed a nappy never gave a bottle or a bath and never gives me time out. I work three days half my pay is spent on day care fees. To make it short I am very unhappy I have no emotional attachment to him or physical attraction I can't talk to him about how I feel. He is lazy and extremely self centered he will not do anything unless he gets some gain from it. He has a temper which provokes my past trauma. He drinks everynight of the week and is materialistically driven he does nothing for our son won't even play with him. I want to leave - I want to go home. I don't have anywhere to go or any money the best I could do would be for my parents to buy tickets and just go but as I have a two year old I guess this makes it complicated I don't know how it works I can leave him but dont want to be trapped in a country where I am on my own and he can constantly give me grief. He wouldnt miss us he treats me like a slave and our son as a convenience. I just don't know what my first step is I don't want to be unhappy unfulfilled or lonely anymore I also don't want my son to hear or see the fights anymore
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male
reader, Snowshoe  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 We all make mistakes. If you escaped your parents just because of teen anger and they treated you well. Then a ph. call and a conversation may be needed. As a parent I know that my kids will always be my kids at three and at twenty three or fifty three.
Rmember you are your childs first line of defence. As a parent it is your duty to protect that child from the ravages of alcohol and abuse.
You might be able to have lawyer or family negotiator sit down with him and explain that he could have a costly divorce and child care payment, or he could buy you out. Most cities have a society for mediation and arbitration that can typically mediate an expidited solution. As an example of a solution for you. Airfare home, with signed documents stating he has relenquished custody of your son and Whatever amount you deem necessary to get set up once you get back to your home if that is what you want.
Remember marriage is a contract with legal ramification regarding both parties actions. Most of us enter into marriage for love but the legal and business aspects are relevant.
Really if you offer him an economical out he sounds like he might be lazy enough to take it. Or you leave and then make it your mission in life to sue him for everything he thinks he has and then everything he might ever have. Add to that garnished wages and a criminal file with the cops and you start to give the abuser back some abuse.
Regardless you will feel better about yourself as a woman and a mother if you start finding a way to take control of your life again. Best of Luck S
A
female
reader, dollface1  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Hi there
this is a very tricky situation, but you have to get away, whatever it takes its gonna get worse and will never stop!
Think about your child, you are his only life line!
Firstly look at options- a loan from a friend or bank.
tell your parents about your situation, i'm sure they will understand and will make any plan to get you out of there.
for the time being- make a plan of just getting away from that monster! try and get another place some were his any unaware of and then sue the idiot for child support if nessasary get a restraining order! and get your life in order while you looking at options of getting far away. because the man you with sounds like a leach and a bum, not worthy of being a father, you seiously don't want him as a role model for your son, remember no matter how old a child is they are like sponges and are very impressionable!they are also aware of what is going on around them and can cause emotional damage.
good luck
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