A
male
age
30-35,
*aleemrodman
writes:Okay this girl and I have been in an online relationship (I know it's not a good idea) for three months, but we just met on Facebook and started talking. We became online friends, and we eventually started getting interested in each other. She even sent me a letter telling me how she feels about me, and we suddenly had feelings for each other. We would talk 6-7 hours weekly (video call) and we could talk for hours and hours. Whenever I would leave the country for a vacation, she would always tell me not to forget her, and she said that she feels insecure. She asked me why I picked her over other girls, and I told her that other girls have wasted my time, and I don't like using my energy for them. Everything was going great, and I really wanted to start a real relationship with her. Unfortunately a few weeks ago, she found out that she was pregnant with her ex's baby, and that she had been for 11 weeks. She decided that she was going to get an abortion. She then talked to me less, and I thought she had lost interest in me. After ignoring me for a week, she told me that she kept her distance from everyone, and not just me. She even cried on video call for no reason in front of me, and I think this has to do with hormones, but I'm not sure. When I told her that I would come visit her, she was excited and she started planning what we would do, each and every day. Shen then ignored me for a few days, and then I got a message from her:"yayyy u bought your tickets. that was fast. I didn't have have time for second thoughts. It's cool. I'm excited." Later on, I called her and this was the conversation.Me: Do you really want me to visit you?Her: I want you to but I don't think I'm readyHer: It's not you. It's my insecurities.Her: My insecurities make me not want to see you YET.Her: Since we have no other time and you bought the tickets, it's cool.Me: I'm sorry I'm such a burden in your life. I wish I could leave you alone.Her: Don't say that. Why are you always thinking negatives. I thought we went over this, baby. I thought you were okay about us. The way I feel about you hasn't changed at all. It's just I don't think I'm ready. I might still be pregnant and if not, I would have already had the surgery. Since we have no other time, it's fine. I want to see you. So shush :)That was the convo we had, but these days whenever I try to talk to her, she only responds sometimes because she's ignoring everyone, and just watching movies. What's up with that? Is it her hormones or has she lost interest? How do I get her to miss me and contact me? When we talked, she said things like:"So when you come. When are you going to kiss me?" "We can hold hands everywhere except my neihbourhood. I know way too many people there, including my parents." "Can you give me one of your sweaters? I want to wear it when I'm cold."*These are things she says, but she's been talking to me less ever since her pregnancy. Is she still interested? NO I do not want to get out of this. If I feel like getting out of this situation, I will.Also she tells me to keep her skype on, but she never contacts me first, like she did before the pregnancy. I'm the one who has to contact her, but she doesn't always respond anymore. What's going on here? Is she still interested? Are her hormones getting in the way? When will everything be close to normal, again? I will visit her in two weeks. What should I do? What do you think she feels? I always tell her that if she's not into me anymore, she should tell me, but she always tells me to stop thinking negative things. So what's going on? What should I do? What should I do when I go see her in two weeks? Is she still interested? Please help me.
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abortion, be pregnant, facebook, her ex, insecure Reply to this Question
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female
reader, golddigger99  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Maybe she's not really pregnant in the first place. I'm not saying this is the case, but it is something you should consider. And the only reason I tell you this is because I had a cousin who played this trick on her boyfriend who was away at college. It was her own little sick trick of causing drama and getting attention from him. If this isn't the case, then I'm sorry for bringing it up, but if you are not the father, then what proof do you have that she really is pregnant.
Also, how old is she? I ask this because having a child at an age where you are not able to physically care for one can be daunting. Maybe she isn't ready to have a child and maybe, if she is young and lives at home, her parents do not know yet. She could also be distant because this is an important and crucial time for her. Having a child or choosing to abort a child is a HUGE decision that will affect her entire life. She might be having trouble contemplating what is best for her in the future. And, if this is the first time that you two have met physically, then maybe this stress, along with the stress of being pregnant, is causing her to back off.
Also, maybe she is younger than she says she is? Consider this possibility and others. I know you have video chatted before, but maybe she is decieving you with her age or weight? This can cause her to be self-concious. This could be the reason why she says she's interested in you visiting, but then speaks as though she's not.
I have a pair of friends who met on Facebook and are now in a long distance relationship. They fly to one another to visit several times a year and are really happy. This could work, but it takes an initial meeting to read people, because the computer has a way of deceiving even the best of us.
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