A
female
age
51-59,
*upersofi
writes:I was friends with this guy for the last two years, he helped me out when I was in difficulties and needed emotional support. We were close friends plus I thought he was gorgeous and was very attracted to him. A year ago he was sent to prison for something he did before I got to know him and we wrote to each other on a regular basis and a relationship was developing between us. In January my ex husband died and emotionally I crashed, I landed up being disloyal to my friend in prison and he didnt hear from me for a month. When I wrote to him he knew that there was something wrong and I decided to be honest with him. Now he talks to me in a sexually derogatory way, is this because of what I did, if so how do I gain his forgiveness, and will it change in the future? Or is it because he is in jail?
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in jail, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (3 August 2012):
 Like we have all said...move on with your life. You are a recovering addict yourself...you do not need stressful situation to tempt you to lean on addiction again.
Stay strong.
A
female
reader, supersofi +, writes (2 August 2012):
supersofi is verified as being by the original poster of the question thats why I feel so bad
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A
female
reader, supersofi +, writes (2 August 2012):
supersofi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's not a jailbird, he's a person who had an addiction problem who's in recovery
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A
female
reader, supersofi +, writes (2 August 2012):
supersofi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, all the answers seem to be pointing in the same direction - let him go, instead of seeking his forgiveness. I travelled to a remote place on the opposite side of the country (Ireland is small) to make my amends (before I asked for advice) and he still spoke to me the same way afterwards. When I am really honest with myself on closer inspection, even before he got locked up he was very much in control of how I did things, it had to be his way or no way. (I am in recovery from addiction). So maybe it is time for me to let this person go and move on with my life and examine why I would want someone like that in my life.
Thanks again. Peace!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012): You keep calling this guy your "friend" in prison. You've not once called him a boyfriend...so I'm not exactly sure what you want or expect from him.
You do know now that he won't support you emotionally and might even insult you if you're going through a rough patch. Doesn't sound like much of friend.
I'd decide what you want from this guy because he doesn't seem like he has much to offer you.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (1 August 2012):
 The jailbird doesn't deserve your forgiveness!
He obviously did something seriously wrong to end up in prison.
If I were in your shoes I would stop writing to him, and not visit him. This so-called "friendship" needs to end, NOW!
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (1 August 2012):
 You didn't care much about him to begin with if you had a relationship and then cheated on him while he was in jail. I can't see that you care much if you cheated and then didn't contact him for a month, but then, how can you possibly have a relationship with someone who is in jail? Seems to me that would be pretty difficult.
The fact he is using derogatory sexual terms against you is insulting and something that should make you run in the opposite direction, not ask for his forgiveness. I am uncertain why you would ask this guy's forgiveness when he is being emotionally abusive. My suggestion is not to contact him again and move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia +, writes (1 August 2012):
Hi Supersofi, You are not to blame for how you managed your grief of your husband's death. By no means at all are you to blame for that.What you also need to understand is that this person is in jail. In jail, you meet all sorts of characters and personalities....and it is a matter of survival. Whether you want to or not, you become a different person while you are in there. The influence is extremely intense and this might attribute to your friend's change in personality. Is has nothing to do with what you did.He just is being influenced and unfortunately, it is very rare that when a prisoner emerges from jail that they go back being their sweet selves.Honestly, if I were you, I would cut this friendship off, it will only get worse in regards to the interraction. You need to just move on.
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