A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I need your advice. I am a beautiful 23 year old married girl. Its been almost 2 years now that I am married. My husband is impotent. He cant satisfy me and I am still a virgin. I cant share this with anyone as my parent are dead and so is my mother in law. I do not have any place to go if I leave my husband. My problem is I can not leave me husband but I also want to have sex. I want to experience it. I do not have any male friends who I can ask sex for.Recently we (husband, his brother and me) went out of town to attend a family wedding. There my husband's brother saw me naked while I was taking a bath. Ever since that incident the way he looked at me changed. he would always stare at my breasts whenever he gets a chance. While dancing the other day he touched my boobs. He acted as if it was accidentally, but I think it was deliberate. He has started to to find reasons to hug me. I think he is doing it to feel my boobs. I want to know what to do. how can I be sure if he is doing this on purpose. If he is, can I have sex with him. I know I will find a guy for sex so why not with my husband's brother? That way at least its family. He is cute and i know he is attracted to me. he is 20. How do I ask him for sex or make him ask me for sex.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): Did u know that ur husband was impotent before u got married... if so, then why did u get married?
I am experiencing a similar problem, except my husband and I had a great sex life until 3years ago ,now he is impotent and been taking terapy for almost 2 years to no avail. I dont believe there is much hope... we are both 35 years with 3 kids,we make love and it leaves me sexually frustrated. I try to be understanding to his cause , but he dont seem to understand what I'm feeling... I know how frustrated it can be , but at least u cant miss something u never had.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): When I started reading your post, it reminded me of the book 'Lady Chatterley's Lover'. Anyway, I'm never a supporter of affairs, for whatever reason they might happen.Seems to me you might have led this young man on.No one can just "see" you naked. You should be all the more careful if there is a young boy in the house. And where on earth is it going to go from here? Assuming you do end up in bed with him, then what? Think about the consequences of your actions. This chap will obviously get married some day, and then what do you do? Carry it on behind his wife's back? Do you realize how many lies and how much deceit you would be involving? If you so want to have sex, divorce your husband, marry the brother-in-law, and then do it as much as you want. It would be much less shocking to everyone...your families included...at least you would all know where you stand.
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A
female
reader, Mugzie69  +, writes (19 September 2010):
 Hi Anon!
The issue of loyalty has been raised. Without consummation, some would challenge whether this is a valid marriage. And as it hasn’t happened in two years, it isn't going to happen. For that, I’m truly sorry. That said, loyalty is more than what we don't do. It is also your husband's vow to do for you what YOU need.
I’m also wondering why there is zero satisfaction for you. Some women want sex only with other women. Impotence clearly isn't at issue there! So I’m left wondering why your husband isn’t satisfying you. I could be wrong, but it looks as if no effort is being made here. Could your husband be a true, asexual?
On another matter, we don’t ‘make’ people do anything. If you are intent on having each other, I don’t doubt that that can certainly happen. But I’m guessing you DON’T want a relationship that is based on manipulating him into doing this or that. That isn’t healthy either.
You also say that you want to experience it [sex]. Do you? Do you want the experience, or do you want the warmth, joy and intimacy of a sexual relationship? If the first is all you want, I’d say ‘forget it and live a chaste, pure life.’ If you want the later, write me privately. If you decide to write, a few questions:
1) Might your husband’s condition be known to his brother?
2) Is it possible that seeing you bathing wasn’t entirely accidental?
3) Does your husband acknowledge the extraordinary this puts on you?
4) Would your husband be open to such an arrangement if his brother agreed?
Seeing, changing, staring, touching, pretending – this is called ‘testing the waters.’ But those are not the real indicators. The really provocative indication of his desire and availability are found in these words: ever since, always, every chance, whenever, started. It is the consistency. Patterns are undeniable.
He knows that he is taking risks in doing these things. That he does so anyway says that he is smitten by you. ‘Started’ and ‘seeking reasons’ mean that he is ‘pushing the boundaries.’ Whether you might feel anything is eating his mind. He is trying desperate to elicit some response, some sign or indication that you might be open to his overtures. How long or whether it continues depends on his boldness and/or your response.
You say that you want to know what to do. Are you sure? You say that you have no place to go. Better be sure about what you really want. I have absolutely no doubt that this can happen. Indeed it could happen sooner than you’d think. You have to be sure. If you are, take a shot at the questions. You know how to contact me.
Mugzie
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (19 September 2010):
 You don't ask. If you have an affair with him and people find out, you will humiliate and hurt your husband and earn the disgust of his family. Even if no one knows, what happens when/if your husband finally can have sex with you and finds that you are no longer a virgin? What if you get pregnant by his brother? You're married. You owe your husband loyalty. Try and work it out. Tell your husband you want to be made love to him, say it very tenderly and see how he responds. He should go to a doctor or look up diets which stimulate testosterone in his body. Viagra works wonders I hear :p But really, is he so bad to you that you would disrespect him by cheating with his brother? Is he unkind? You can't punish him for something he can't help..try to gently get him to try and get help for his problem. It can be fixed! In the meantime, look up masturbation techniques :p I know it's difficult and I know you are tempted but have a little more patience. If that doesn't pay off, look at some other options.
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A
male
reader, Neboraic  +, writes (18 September 2010):
Although you mention that it is a good idea to keep it in the family, i disagree because this will cause him to fall out with his brother. It sounds like your brother in law is a bad person if he is trying to touch his brothers wife. If i was our husband i would prefer you to have sex with someone i didnt know, someone who had no romantic interest in you. May be someone i trusted who i could afford to lose as a friend.
Also, it sounds like you want to do this without your husband finding out, which is inadvisable.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (18 September 2010):
 Your married and your husband won't have sex with you? Why? If you sleep with your brother in law that is called having an affair, cheating, committing adultery it's a taboo.When you got married you took a vow to be with him and him only for the rest of your life. Do they have marriage counseling in your country? If so I would suggest that, maybe your church or place of worship can help you. Please give that a try and don't let your brother in law touch you in a sexual way anymore.
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