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I want to have sex with my boyfriend - but he is 21 and I'm only 14!

Tagged as: Age differences<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 September 2006) 15 Answers - (Newest, 20 October 2007)
A female , *ordan_b writes:

ive bin with my boyfrien 4 seven months im 14 and hes 21 we have decided to have sex and got contraception and such like but im really nervous because i dnt no wat mt body should look like plz can you help me ?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007):

well i am 14 and my boyfriend is 21 and he wants to have sex and i just realized that it's wrong and i'm to young.

i will wait. plus sex isnt' the only thing about dating,

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2006):

like everyone has pointed out.. you are still very young to be dating a guy who is 7 years older than you.. but i cant really say much because i am about to be 17 and the guy i have been with is 23.. so its the same amount of years.. but trust me sweetie.. ur not ready for sex yet.. its a HUGE emotional attatchment that should not be made at such a young age.. i lost my virginity when i was 15 and the guy i lost it to i thought was perfect but he ended up getting what he wanted and then going back to his GIRLFRIEND that i was totally clueless about.. i was totally heartbroken.. and i have been countless times.. im not saying that your boyfriend will be the same way.. but i am saying that you should save your innocence for a more appropriate time.. wait a couple more years.. and if this guy is still around.. then do it.. that will show that he really cares about you, and trust me, it will mean a lot more to you!! you can make your own decision, but you came to this website for advice, and im giving you mine, along with all of these other people.. so you should consider what we say. GOODLUCK!! =)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2006):

hey honey just do it his experience should help it be more pleasureable for you

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A female reader, finchy United Kingdom +, writes (17 September 2006):

finchy agony auntok its quite sumple dont have sex with him

you are 14 you arent even fully developed yet, and u want to have sex.

your boyfriend should know you are to young!!.

you should say to him you arent ready for sex and see his reaction if he is angry dont waste anymore time with him. if he is fine with it then wait till u are legal age.

But please think about this.. you are 14 he is 21.

look in the papers at children who get raped by older men and think do u want that to be you!!

find someone ur own age who u love at wait till u are legal age!!

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A male reader, Herr Professor +, writes (14 September 2006):

Herr Professor agony auntJesus, Mary, and Joesph!

You SHOULD be nervous, sweetheart! You're too young physically and emotionally to have sex. It's very likely that wherever you are, you are not of the age of legal consent. Your "boyfriend" could go to jail and have the label of "child molester" for the rest of his life. Where are your parents? Do they know about this?

I implore you to not do this. You may think because an older guy is interested in you that it makes you mature, but it doesn't. He's taking advantage of your youth and inexperience. After he gets what he wants, he'll dump you for someone his own age, and then you'll be right back on this site asking for advice about a broken heart, or maybe even worse.

He doesn't care about you. If he did, he wouldn't be so foolish as to have sex with a 14 year-old.

If you do decide to do it, I'm glad you're planning on contraception, but remember that NO birth control device is %100 effective. You CAN get pregnant. Are you ready to be an unwed mother at 14? That's a mature question to ask yourself. If you're not ready to take that chance, then again, you should not have sex with anybody.

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A female reader, uonlyliveonce United Kingdom +, writes (12 September 2006):

uonlyliveonce agony auntso far everyones just said dont have sex but reading your queston you have already decided your going to so what exactly is the question you said you dont know what your body should look like. whats that suppose to mean?

some 14 year olds are matture enough to have sex just maybe not the ones that ask questions like this

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006):

Sex at your age will just mess you up emotionally. Beware and don't it!

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A female reader, gracie lou +, writes (12 September 2006):

gracie lou agony auntok. bottom line, DON'T HAVE SEX. you're not ready. if you're worried that he's gonna judge you on what your body looks like, you two are not ready to have sex. im not discouraging you from having sex cuz u might get pregnant at 14 (which would suck) but im telling you to re-think your values and your morals.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006):

What is the law where you are? If you are under age and he isn't he could go to jail for having sex with you.

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A female reader, Ainslie +, writes (12 September 2006):

Ainslie agony auntAh, I've got a seven year age gap problem too, and I'm not much older than you. Well, four years.

I'd say, for NOW, sex with this guy should be far from your mind. Depending on where you live, this could be very illegal. If you do care about eachother, you won't want to get him in trouble.

You're young. I hated hearing this when I was fourteen, but here goes: enjoy being a kid. You're going to be an adult one day, and your days will be filled with all sorts of ridiculous problems. Stay fourteen for as long as possible, and keep sex at a distance until you are older and responsible enough to deal with the consequences (i.e. being emotionally, physically, and financially ready in case an 'accident' happens).

As for the actual age difference...personally I find 7 years to be small, but at this point in your life it's huge. No intelligent 21 year old man would dare get involved with a 14 year old. Wait a few years. If you feel the same way about him when you're 18, go for it.

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A male reader, Lostandalone United States +, writes (11 September 2006):

Lostandalone agony auntI think you are too young and he is too old. You should be planning a trip to McDonald's with your friends instead of picking out contraceptives. I know the advice you get here will not influence your decision on way or the other but you need to know that you are only 14 and you will go thru some many changes by the time you finish growing, because you are only a child no matter what country you live in. He is an adult. This should not even be a topic of discussion between the two of you. For G-D's sake if you do have sex protect yourself and if you don't it will not matter you have a lot to look forward to yet and sex is a small part of that. Good Luck.

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A male reader, Ponungalungb United States +, writes (11 September 2006):

Ponungalungb agony auntHi Jordon,

There are a few questions that pop up in my mind. What is a 21 year-old man doing dating a 14 year-old girl? There are legal standards as well as ethical standards that are in question. Before you worry about what your body should look like, get a few more years under your belt, get an education and leave the 21 year-old men to the 21 year-old women.

Good luck!

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A female reader, snowbird Canada +, writes (11 September 2006):

snowbird agony auntSweets, you are FAR too young to be engaging in sex - your body has'nt even finished growing yet!! Please just enjoy your childhood, and your virginity - it is SO precious, and you could end up regretting it for the rest of your life! Enjoy your school years, travel and see the world. Sex is so overrated especially at your age, and it can wait!

If you go against this advice however, (and I REALLY hope you don't do it) - please use a condom, and don't end up as just another sad statistic of our times, pushing a pram and not even out of school, or carrying a dangerous sexually transmitted disease! I have nothing to gain, and no axe to grind by giving you this advice, so please take notice, and look after yourself. Take care!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006):

Don't worry about whether you look normal, I'm sure you do. You may or may not be a little underdeveloped compared to what he's used to, but he would expect that for a 14 year old. Besides, if he loves you he shouldn't care. You're a little young for sex in a lot of people's eyes but if it feels right, do it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006):

Well it's min age 14 in Canada - that is if you're a Canadian citizen. However, the conservative gvt will be upping that to 16 - or try to.

In the states, I believe it's 16 min with some age ratio differences, like your bf or you have to +2/-2 in ages, etc.

As for what ur body looks like... Wait what is the question?

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