A
female
age
41-50,
*aseymarie
writes:I want to have a three sum with the man im planning on spending the rest of my life with. I trust that we can find someone that we are both comfortable with but... He has cheated in the past (we have gotten over it) an i have some issues with him checking out other females. Is there a way we could involve ourselves with another person/couple? Is it a bad idea?
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female
reader, IAMDONE +, writes (5 May 2011):
Thank you for informing me. I think my mate and I are very sexual people, at least we would like to think we are, and we have not had the desire for others to be in our bedroom. But I am open minded to the fact, each his own. Personally, I believe if both consent and are willing, then go for it. I also believe that we need to really know what we want, what is safe, what the outcome could be rather it be good or bad, and know what bearing your actions will have on the future of your relationship. All of those are issues that seem to be important to me. If you have thought this out and had conversation with your husband...then go for it. Maybe my philosophy that three is a crowd is a thing of the past! Good Luck!
A
female
reader, caseymarie +, writes (5 May 2011):
caseymarie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe reason why i WANTED to do it is because we both are very sexual ppl an as much as we enjoy each other in bed we both like to explore other ppl. its the part of him going out an doing it on his own that bothers me.I can really ssay where the excitement comes from.. its like watching porn or playing out a roll. the adventure! It dont really matter if the person is male or female. we both have been with our own sex just dont want to spend our life with the same sex.He would not be making love to no one in a situation like that. its just sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): Do you not have enough guilt and drama in your life?
That is what comes of Threesomes and Foursomes and all sorts of crap that people do.
Not necessarily at the time, but later, sometimes much later.
I take care of dying people for a living...I see so much regret and the end of so much damage, people from all walks of life, rich, poor, men, women, etc.
Leave your share of guilt and drama at the table of life and let someone else have it.
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A
female
reader, LW  +, writes (4 May 2011):
Yes it is a bad idea.Sometimes it's more fun if you just fantazise about these things. Sometimes the actual reality never seems to live up to the hype! Trust meLeave it alone if you love each other and truely do intend to spend life together.You are jealous by nature when it comes to your man.Maybe the thought of being there while he is getting it on with someone else is arousing, but because you love him truely, if you were ever to see it you would be devestated!!I may be wrong, but I have a strong feeling that would happen..Also be aware that because you love your man so much you have probably convinced yourself unconciouslly to please him even at the expense of your own happiness.You have maybe by now partially convinced yourself that it would all be groovy,you'd be cool with it, but I personally think your self esteem has been effected by him cheating in the first place and you are putting him and his desires, even though they truely are not your desires, first!!!Don't do it and take sometime to yourself to think about when you first met him, how you felt about him and where you felt your relationship were heading. Is the reality where you imagined it would be?I mean honestly, have you really convinced yourself that you want your man to sleep with another woman infront of you. The man you love and want to have a family with. The man you want to love YOU and ONLY you. The man you give yourself to and who you wish would want ONLY to give himself to YOU.do not lower yourself babe, gain a little confidence, you probably had more before you met him. Get back to that place!!I hope this at all helped and I would love an update as to what you decided to do in the end! :) :)
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A
female
reader, IAMDONE +, writes (4 May 2011):
First of all, help me to understand why you want to have a three some. I am 50 plus years old and perhaps I am way behind time here but I really want to know. I want to know what the excitement is? Who does what? Is it to be 2 females and a male or 2 males and a woman? I want to know if you will please. In my day and to this very day, I do not want to share my man with another woman or man. I want to make love in the privacy of my home with no one else around to watch or participate. It would disturb me greatly watching my husband make love to another woman. I do believe thay my husband would not want to see another man making love to me...the thought of it sends him out of this world. I have no desire to do anything with another woman and I certainly feel that my husband would not entertain any kind of sexual activity with another man. Help me to please understand this...I have to be missing something! Perhaps this is something you may regret in the future. I am confused and want to know a little more detail if you would please!
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A
male
reader, Dough +, writes (4 May 2011):
Yes. Mainly because you're not over him cheating (you're not to blame, he is, but the fact is he violated your trust and you can't trust him fully now), hence the issues over him checking out other females. Ask yourself this, if you had a threesome, would you want to be in the bed watching your guy going at it with another woman. If you don't have issue with it in bed, what is the difference? You knowing about it. Right? So make it expressly clear to him you are okay with it (if you find you are), but only with you being there. Hopefully this helps. If you find after introspection you're not okay with him being with someone else, then the answer is no.
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