A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this sounds ridiculously stupid but please hear me out. I'm at uni, the stereotypical "party girl" and used to be really shallow regarding guys. I'd get romantically involved with the most attractive guys who showed the slightest bit of interest in me, who also happened to be pretty awful to girls. I never slept with any of them or did anything really sexual, but I got so emotionally attached the last one left me really hurt when he confessed he had a girlfriend back home. It completely changed my viewpoint on relationships. I decided last year to stay single and work on myself for a bit before looking for a boyfriend.It's worked pretty well... up till a few weeks ago. I've changed to value personality over looks, and I have this massive crush for a guy whom I don't even know, but have several mutual friends with through a volunteering society (for an environmental organisation) at uni I joined last month. He's an intern for a related branch of the organisation based in my uni town.He has a blog which mostly discusses his day-to-day life in the organisation in question and related issues, which is how I found out about him as some of my friends recommended it to me, and I know it sounds ridiculous but he comes across as an incredibly nice guy and I fancy the pants off him even though I've never actually spoken to him. I haven't told people I know I fancy him but I've heard mutual friends talk about him a few times and apparently he's single. Looks-wise I would never have gone for him before, but he seems like such a decent, genuine guy I really like him. I'll probably end up meeting him at some point in the next few months, but he's an intern so leaves the organisation this summer, and I feel so silly fancying someone whom I've never even met! I have to focus on being single right now as it's what's best for me. I have quite a few important exams coming up, and I feel like a relationship would just tie me down and take up too much of the time I need to spend focusing on myself. I don't want to get hurt from being infatuated with someone again either.I don't know what's wrong with me. Advice please? :(
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (1 May 2013):
 I think you are being too hard on yourself, there is nothing wrong with having a crush on him!
As you said yourself, you havent even met yet so it is simply a crush, you are getting a bit ahead of yourself by talking about relationships.
If you meet him in the next couple of months then just see what happens, you dont know if he will fancy you or if you will feel the same when you meet so there is no point in worrying about anything beyond meeting the guy.
Allow yourself to have a crush, you are not dating anyone so you are not going to get hurt if nothing ever comes of this crush. If and when you meet, then take it from there - if there is a huge spark and you really like each other then you would be mad to miss out on the opportunity. On the other hand there might be no spark and you might realise you are not that interested in him after all, so your crush will fade.
Try to not get too far ahead of yourself and just see what happens - come back to us after you have met him if you need any further advice!
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (1 May 2013):
 Well I don't think anything's wrong with you, if anything you're following your own rules with caring about personality over sexiness, so that's great. My view is, at least once exams are over, to volunteer at the place or ask your friends to introduce you two. You're allowed to keep working on your values as you get to know this person. It's important that you don't inflate your feelings into this magical person and be dramatically startled by whatever reality you find. Idolizing anyone is a bad idea, so the quicker you get to know the real person, the better. That'll also help with nerves that have undoubtedly built up based on your interest in him so far. That you show interest in what he's interested in (ie his blog isn't so boring that you have to stop reading) is a great sign. When you feel ready, set something up. Don't move too fast, don't make it just physical, take your time to allow yourself to get to know him not just assume you know him based on the blog and then only at that point make it romantic.
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