A
male
age
51-59,
*hegundampilot
writes:Im 40 years old and tired of a four year relationship with a 33 yaer old woman who cry's all the time. Ive asked and tried to comfort but she does it and has done it so much it infuriates me to hear her whiney voice and its always over attention she isnt getting. We lived in hawaii and she moved back to take care of one issue that caused for alot of her depression and now im back 2 becomming discusted by her weakness and constant crying. Ive become a monster as a result with her and lately my intolorance for weakness out of her with us having more important real life issues to deal with she is giving up her life for her 83 year old father. Right thing to do i would do the same for my parents but not at the cost of disfunctionality and degridation to my mental health, career, and relationship. the jobs gone,she's breaking down just about every day and looks to me to support. 3 years now and no growth. i dont want to blame her so i take resposibility for my part in a crapy relationship. the only sympathy i have left is expressed in my physical presence but mentaly i wish her away. what to do other than leave this relationship' Reply to this Question
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male
reader, thegundampilot +, writes (3 May 2013):
thegundampilot is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni hear what i already know.....someone said it best....I feel guilty for no longer wanting to be in a stressfull relationship and ive gone on in it far to long. thanks for everyones advice
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): Nothing wrong with looking after dad. But if she wants a full relationship with you she has to put dad somewhere else to get help so she can develop a relationship with her. Tell her to get help, she is crying for a reason and needs pro help. If you care for her get her some help and then decide to dump her or not. You put up with this crap for so long so you might as well find out what she is like when she doesn't cry and wail
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (1 May 2013):
 She is 33 years old going on 5. Whining and crying everyday? If everything she is doing is putting too much pressure on her she needs to slow down or lighten her load.
It's very caring of her to care for her father, but she also needs to be able to take care of herself first. Have you talked to her about counseling or lightening her load? Or possibly hiring someone to help her father out so she is able to concentrate on other things?
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (1 May 2013):
 Hi
Its good she cares for her father, not good what it's doing to her,her life and you.
You didn't sign up for this,she isn't the woman you first met.Why does she feel she isn't getting attention off you,do you neglect her? Is that why you moved back to Hawaii, to be with her?
Has she been treated for depression has she seen a doctor, if not she needs to and you should go with her.She sounds like she is at breaking point and needs professional help.
Is there somebody who can share with the caring with you two to give you a regular break. Is he very ill?
It can't go on as it is,you can't carry her and give up your life,or live like this indefinately you should be out building your career and future together.
You resent her but guilt is making you stay.
Try with the doctor,professional help, she needs it badly.Try and get others to share her load looking after her father too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): There is nothing to do. For your own sanity. If she wants to take care of her father, that's great. What she is doing for him is commendable. It's an honorable thing. What she doesn't realize is if she doesn't take care of her self, she is of no help to her father. If she is as you described, she is on the verge of a mental breakdown herself. From the looks of it so are you. If the two of you go down, who is going to take care of him? The state? The two of you need to have that serious conversation. If she won't yield, them for your sake and sanity, you may have to leave. It seems like you're staying there out of guilt. You don't want to be the man who broke her heart while she is caring for her elderly father. You're worried about appearances I think. It's a hard decision, but only you know you're breaking point.
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