A
female
age
36-40,
*686me
writes:My relationship of 2 1/2 yrs has gone stale. Normally, I would try to spice things up, or have a serious conversation on making things better, but I'm just at the point where I give up. My boyfriend is not spontaneous, and does not make me feel beautiful. I've cried to him about this, and he was great for a couple days. Since I've shown a little happiness, things went back to normal. Stale.He's not a bad guy, but I want to feel the constant appreciation. That spice, that zest, because I have always done the same for him. I never fail to tell him he looks handsome, sexy, so damn attractive, even if it's just before going to bed- or in the middle of the night while he's drooling on my pillow- or about to go to work in his scrubs uniform. He seems unthoughtful nowadays. I am selfish and know I want to be treated better. Should I just get up and leave? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Princess Aunty  +, writes (3 December 2010):
here are four tips in order to make yourself feel appreciated :-
1. EXPECT NOT TO
Most people in life are not quite on the level of knowledge that you have. You understand the law of giving and receiving and that there has to be a balance. Most people in life are their own hero. He can only think about pleasing Himself. Don't be angry at him though, because he do not know any better. Instead, shower him with praise and you too will feel fantastic.
2. HONEST APPRECIATION OF HIM
Next time you feel that he is not appreciating you, pick out something you can genuinely compliment him on. He will be shocked at your openness and honesty. This is the law of reciprocity that states that when you receive something from a human being, you feel the need to give him something of similar value back. he will start to appreciate you back and if even not, you have made a huge difference to his day. This is a fantastic gift.
3. DO YOU APPRECIATE ENOUGH?
Honest self-evaluation is critical here. Do you think that you deserve respect and appreciation from him? Do you put out your best every day and appreciate him also? If you do then you will receive appreciation back. Whatever you put out into the world comes back ten fold. If you love him, you will become loved. Continue on how you appreciate him and give him a bit of time maybe he'll be back like before.
4. DON'T SEEK APPRECIATION TOO MUCH
If you are constantly seeking appreciation in him then he hold the key to your happiness. Think about it. You are waiting on him to recognize you so that you can be happy. Why not just be happy with what you have already got. Look around yourself at the abundance of wonderful things you already have in your life and you will cultivate an attitude of gratitude.
A great way to start feeling more appreciated is when you take full control of the wheel in your life. You become the one who is going to change it. Can you see how this would work? Many start on their physical body because results there are measurable and you will feel more and more motivated as the pounds drop off and he'll start commenting on how great you look.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): It's important to mainly "feel beautiful" in your own right, and not need a man for constant reassurance. As long as a guy physically seems very attracted to you, that should be enough... one should perhaps not expect guys to be so verbal in their appreciation. It seems to simply not be in the personality of your guy to be super- spontaneous and, by your definition, thoughtful... you admit to being 'selfish' and wanting different treatment... you should then go seek it... but don't ever expect you'll find Mr. Perfect... he does not Quite exist.
-Tante Victoire
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A
male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (3 December 2010):
 Even stable long term relationships can come to an end. Unless two people are extremely alike in: energy, thinking, sex, money, socializing - both may be better off ending things on a good note. Too many times people keep up relationships past the sustainable point. That is when things typically get ugly.
Many relationships run out of steam within 2-years. And you both sound like you're entering a self-centered phase. It's important to realistically analyze where and if things can grow - and if you truly want that. Every relationship faces staleness and boredom sooner or later. This is when non-opposite types really fair better.
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