A
female
age
30-35,
*aySpring
writes:I want I know why sex still hurts for me. My first time with my boyfriend on June 8, it hurt a lot. On June 31st we did it again and it hurt a lot. On September 7th we did it again and it still hurt. Is there something wrong with me? I want to enjoy sex like he does but I can't seem to. The 1st and 2nd time hurt the most but the 3rd time I was already expecting the pain I guess? When I put my legs besides his thighs it hurts very much but when I put my legs over his shoulders it doesn't hurt AS MUCH. I'm scared there's something wrong with me. I really want to enjoy it. The only foreplay we do is the 69 position and right after that he goes inside me. I get kind of turned on but not very. If that matters. Please help.
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female
reader, Brekel66 +, writes (2 October 2012):
He needs to finger you before he goes in so you can stretch a little before you get the big thing. Lube helps ALOT too. Remember to breathe while he inserts himself and once he is in tell him I be still for a few minutes so you can gather your bearings and you must relax your muscles and girl on top is less painful (at least for me).
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (1 October 2012):
If you had sex on June 31st, then I had sex on February 30th. ;-) (i'm kidding)
When you are young and inexperienced, sex can hurt alot. The first few dozen times I had sex, I could barely walk after. Some of this had to do with not being turned on enough. A lot of it had to do with being unable to let go and enjoy the act because I was afraid of penetration.
Yes, intercourse was so painful for me that I was genuinely afraid of this intimate act. This fear made me tense up. It caused the muscles in my vagina to clench and along with not being lubricated enough for comfortable penetrative sex, it caused me to experience excruciating pain during the act along with pain and discomfort for a few days afterward. Even worse, up until more recently, my clenching also hurt my sexual partner.
I had to learn how to let go of this fear in order to get turned on enough to experience painless mind-blowing intimacy with my fiance. I took a little bit of control and explained to my fiance what I thought the problem was...that i needed to be turned on to the point that I ached for him otherwise intercourse would not be a pleasant experience for either of us. The solution is simply to immerse ourselves in our foreplay until I am ready. If I am not quite ready, I tell him and we continue until I am.
Relationships are about compromise and communication. Your boyfriend needs to compromise and ensure that he isn't hurting you during sex. The only way he knows whether he is hurting you is if you speak up.
If you haven't already, you need to talk to him about this before you have sex again. Don't wait to bring it up when things are hot and heavy and the clothes start to come off. You need to have this conversation in private when your attention is devoted to each other. Tell him that you enjoy being intimate with him, but intercourse is causing you a lot of pain (if you are having pain or discomfort for days after, mention this as well.) if you would like to boost his ego, (this is a good idea by the way) tell him it is because he has a large penis. Because he is so big, and you are not accustomed to his size, it is causing you pain. Tell him that you want him to help you get past this pain, but he will have to listen to you and go slowly, or stop when you ask him during penetrative intercourse.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 October 2012):
 "I've been having sex with my boyfriend for a year and sometimes it still hurts but lube a pushing through the pain will help, sometimes when it hurts i still enjoy it and after a few minutes the pain eases,"
Yikes. That's not how it's supposed to work. You are not experiencing pain because you've "only" been having sex for a year, you are not turned on enough! If it stops hurting after a few minutes, that's because your body is being told to open up so you don't get injured. You should not be using lube as a coping mechanism, you should have more foreplay so that it doesn't hurt.
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A
female
reader, desiree075  +, writes (1 October 2012):
I read a quote: "Go down a waterslide when it isn't wet. Then you'll understand the importance of foreplay." - unknown.
Yah you should definitely be turned on before sex. The foreplay should make you beg, not say, "eh I guess it's alright enough..." Some of the best sexual experiences I've had was back when I was a virgin and there was lots of teasing going on. Maybe you could pretend it's a forbidden thing you're doing, although that might be unhealthy for a relationship. I totally agree with Cindy about lube, it's a quick fix. Your horny feelings should come inside you, not the other way around. Maybe also explain to your boyfriend what it means to tease.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 October 2012):
 " The only kind of foreply etc. etc.I get kind of turned on but not much. If that matters ". Girl, if that matters ?... That's ALL it matters ! If you are not aroused and lubricated enough, of course it's going to hurt . You obviously need to spend more time on foreplay, and to find out the kind of stimulation that 's RIGHT for you and that makes you really excited ( like - a few moments of 69 then straight to penetration sounds a bit, uhm, unromantic ,for a young new couple ? maybe you need more tenderness, more sensuousness ?...Just saying ).
Oh btw, if you don't mind, OP, I'll use your post to throw around some pearls of wisdom.
I am always surprised, and a bit amused too , to see how so many posters , in case like yours, say : "Oh just use lube " " Lube it up ".
No girls, and guys : don't use lube, use time, passion and fantasy . Lube is a shortcut for lazy lovers .
Lube may be necessary , for some women, only at certain times when hormonal changes may dry up the vaginal walls ( pregnancy, menopause ) and the female body just can't produce enough lubrication.
Other than that, you don't need lube at all, you need a partner with TIME and PATIENCE, someone who enjoys the travel as much as the destination and more, someone that can show you some creativity ,some generosity, some attention to your needs, some WARMTH, so that it's not just a gymnic performance. 20/30 minutes of that for any woman and the lube business would go bust everywhere :)
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 October 2012):
"The only foreplay we do is the 69 position and right after that he goes inside me. I get kind of turned on but not very. If that matters."
If you want to have sex with your boyfriend but he's not hard, do you go ahead and find a way to get his penis inside? No because he's not turned on enough yet. The same applies for women. When you're not turned on enough, it's the same as him not being hard except that for you, it will hurt. You are dry and tight when you're not turned on. Of course it's going to hurt! It's not because you need to try it more, if I tried to have sex now without being turned on it would hurt too.
The average woman takes 20 minutes of active foreplay to be totally turned on. You should get close to orgasm before you even start. 69ing probably isn't working because you're not focusing on your own sensations. Don't have sex unless you are completely turned on! That would hurt anyone, ouch. Have him rub your clitoris or go down on you until you feel close to having an orgasm before trying again.
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A
male
reader, M_H_F  +, writes (1 October 2012):
 Hi There is nothing wrong with you, your body is just not used to have something going into it. Especially if your boyfriend is well hung it will hurt. But sex shouldn't hurt, if it does your doing something wrong. But lucky there are things you can do. Foreplay is very important because it helps your vagina relax and open up, being really turned on also helps because your vagina will naturally becomes more moist and makes intercourse more enjoyable. So get your boyfriend to kiss you all over your body and let him know what turns you on because this is a learning experience for both of you. Let him know if he does something wrong, the more you tell him the more pleasure you will receive. Get him to finger you one finger to start with just to let your vagina get used to things going in. Use plenty of lube because it's nothing more painful the dry intercourse. Finally try different positions, I would suggest doggy because the vagina is fully open. Or try you on top so you can control how much of his dick goes into you, remember you don't have to have his dick all the way in to give him or your self pressure usually around 4" would be more then enough. And go slowly and remember if it hurts stop the most important thing about sex is your pleasure not his. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2012): Use lube or oil and tell him to go slow.
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A
female
reader, nat1972  +, writes (1 October 2012):
 Hi,
As your new to having sex it will hurt the first few times till your body gets use to it. There is nothing at all wrong with you it is something we all go through. The more often you do have sex the more enjoyable it will be. Enjoy the moments together and have fun exploring what positions you like and don't like. Make sure you are using contraception ie condom or the pill. And sometimes lubrication can help such as KY Jelly. Maybe ask at your chemist.
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