A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I've been with my girlfriend for 8 years. We both grew heavier than we used to be. This year I was able to lose the weight I'd gained by changing my diet. I would like my girlfriend to lose weight and get back into the shape she used to be in. I know it sounds shallow and jerky, but her weight is affecting our sex life, our relationship, and her self-esteem. Over the holidays, she cried into my arms because she was embarassed to see my sisters, both of whom are very skinny. She was afraid they would talk about her behind her back. I know they wouldn't do that and I told her this.I try to be very reassuring and positive. She really seems like she *wants* to lose weight. Starting next week we're going to go together and work out five days a week at the gym in her office. She's about 70 pounds heavier than she used to be.I've tried to talk about the cool things we'll go do when we are both in shape (I'd like to be more toned) and I'm careful to never frame anything in terms of just her losing weight. I always try to make it about "us." I've also been trying to tell her how sexy she is when we have sex and say reassuring things to her, telling her she's pretty, giving her playful slaps on the butt, etc.Is this what I should be doing? Like I said, I would like her to lose the weight, but I don't want to reassure her into a comfortable place where she doesn't care if she loses weight or not. Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated. I know I'm supposed to love her for who she is and I still will if she doesn't lose weight. But it would improve the quality of both our lives if she could. Also, we're almost 30. Can she still get somewhat into the shape she was in when we were 22?Thanks!
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female
reader, pril +, writes (31 December 2009):
She can do it. It is so get u suport her the way u do. My husband and I starting the gym thing to. If u do it together it is great. U can also tell her losing the wieght would be good for her health. Tell her u want to grow old with her. And ur affaird that the extra wieght she is carrying she may have major health problems later in life. Tell her u love her and u want her to lose the wieght for her health not the looks. My husband tells me he loves me the way I look but he wants us to lose wieght so we can grow old together. The looks thing is just a bonus. We want to feel better. Tell her she will feel better. It may be hard for her but it is worth it. We have lost the wieght before and we have gained it back cause I got pregant so now we r starting all over again. So we no it is going to be hard but it is worth it. I hope this helped.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): This post struck a chord with me. As a teenager I was overweight and my mum wanted me to lose weight. Well I did a few diets and started exercising a little and lost some weight. When my mum saw the results, she stopped nagging me and eventually I put the weight back on and some extra on top.
This went on throughout my teenage years. I have been every size from a size 8 to a size 18. Now I am a size 6 and the reason for this is that I decided to lose weight and get into shape. Yes I DECIDED and that is the key. I decided for myself, not my mum, not my siblings or my partner just me and I have kept the weight off. Your girlfriend has to want to do this. If she doesn't and does it because she feels she has to, then she may lose weight in the short term but it is doubtful whether she will be able to keep it off, which will make her even more miserable.
I can tell you love her and want the best for her but she has to do this for herself.
Good luck to you both.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (31 December 2009):
 She 3O she can loose the weight if she wants too. It can be hard work but if she wants to do it she will explain to her the deal either she bites or she doesnt, good luck
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A
female
reader, saywwhat  +, writes (31 December 2009):
be supportive, she sounds very self concious about her weight so the last thing she needs to hear is that you think she's chubby too. Tell her if it's bothering her that much you'll help her. Get her on your same diet, go on jogging "dates" in the mornings or after dinner. Make it a couple thing then she'll lose the weight and you'll get quality time! Just don't let her believe you think she's fat too!
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A
female
reader, Kg15 +, writes (31 December 2009):
awe. i think its very sweet your thinking about both and not bluntly telling your girlfriend about her weight.
The best way i say is keep doing what your doing. Because encouragement and empowerment helps people have confidence in themself because others believe in them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): No offence but that is a little harsh. She is who she is... you didnt exactly fall for her looks... its whats inside that matters. But if you two really work together then it will be a team effort. Just keep trying and don't give up. And when she does lose some weight, compliment her to a dinner or a night at a hotel... have a sexy night. But always make sure that you dont push her into doing something that she doesnt want. She will lose the weight when she is ready.
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A
female
reader, JaneMarie +, writes (31 December 2009):
I can't tell you how to act or what to say to your girl friend however, I can relate a little. I'm in my mid twenties and weight a good 50-60 lbs heavier than I did when I was 18. I really want to loose weight, however, I'm pretty unmotivated and my husband always tells me I'm just as beautiful, etc. etc. I feel that if he noticed I'm no longer as hot, I would put in a little effort. HOwever, you should not expect your gf to look like she did at 22. Women in particular have a little more trouble staying in that perfect size. You can and should encourage her to loose a little weight. You have to go about it in a positive way, but still be firm, at least this is how I miss my husband would do it. Like suggest how she maybe had more energy when she was thinner or her confidence when she was thinner and tell she's beautiful but loosing a little weight will get her more confidence and she'll be healthier. She probably has some confidence issues so reassure her you lover her and her body and you will love no matter what but all the benefits of loosing a little weight.Also, 8 years? When are you going to pop the question! ....A wedding however big or small is usually a huge reason for women wanting to loose weight. She's brave sticking with you for 8 years. She might not care about marriage and the such, although from my limited experience, most women I know around that age do...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): Weight is a very touchy subject, it requires much care when handling. The best advice that I can give you would be to only keep healthy foods around the house, but make sure that there are plenty of healthy snacks. This way, she will be more inclined to eat better. Also, you could suggest going for a walk, jog, or hike with her so that she becomes more physically active. Hope everything works out for you.
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