A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I am 14 and a freshmen in high school. Ever since the first day of school, I have had feelings for one of my teachers. I can't say it's love, but it might be. I don't think crushes are supposed to last this long. It is definitely something real to me, and if I didn't want to seem naive, I would probably be saying that he is my soul mate and the love of my life. He is the most amazing guy that I have ever met, but he is over 50 years old. I know this kind of makes me a freak, but I'm strictly attracted to him as a person. I feel so laid back around him as he is incredible smart and funny. Anyway, he is married and the age difference is obviously a major problem, so I have been trying to get over him. I really think that I do love him, and part of that means that I only want whats best for him. I have accepted that if I want him to be truly happy, I will stay away from him. The last thing that I want to do is ruin his marriage(not that he would ever give me the chance) or harm his career in any way. But feelings are what they are. It's getting harder everyday that I see him, and I really need some advice here. Can anyone tell me how to get over the guy that I think I love? I have already tried everything I can think of, including focusing on a guy my age.
View related questions:
crush, my teacher, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): try writing him a letter discussing your feelings for him and letting everything out. then burn it. it's a good way to process your feelings and get things off your chest.
good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for this advice. In response to Janemarie, I'm not really sure what causes me to like him so much. I have never really cared about what he looks like, but I guess it's just the fact that he has the spontaneity of a much younger person (he is really funny and quirky) but at the same time he is very mature and knowledgeable. I have no daddy issues and a very secure family, and I am also very involved. I have almost no free time, but no matter how busy I am he is always in my thoughts. And one more thing, there are no kids in his life, and I don't know if that bothers him but if it does he never lets it show. I know I can't do anything about it, and I know he would never let me get near him in an unprofessional way, so I guess I will just have to let these feelings run out. Thanks again for all the advice.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 December 2009):
Focus on your own life, not him. It's just a normal crush, so don't worry about it. Perhaps the older man offers you a certain amount of comfort, or safety? So maybe have a look at your life and see if you're happy. Also, Gina is right, look at the fact he's married and his kids, and that if anything did happen he could be sent to jail. If you focus on your own life now, you'll get over him.
...............................
A
female
reader, JaneMarie +, writes (31 December 2009):
What makes you like him the most? Is it that he's attractive? Is it that he listens and makes you happy? How is your relationship with your dad? Just think, in reality this guy is not only old enough to be your dad, but possibly old enough to be your grandfather. I'm sure he appreciated you as a student and cares about you. However, if he suggested or even wanted a relationship with you not only would he likely loose his job, he's likely be sent to jail. Fourteen year-old guys are pretty immature. And since I was I 14 year-old once, I remember it a bit, although it's been a good ten years and times have changed and I'm not you. I fantasized about a high school english teacher. He was pretty sexy and so smart and enjoyable to listen to him talk. I think I was like 16 at the time. One thing that got him off my mine was imagining having sex with him. Older men's parts are all shriveled up and their chest is even gray. They have yellowed toenails sweaty, deep breathe. Let's face it, the only reason why men would ever be interested in some so much younger than them is for the sex, and it isn't going to be the movie sex. This might not help, but don't act out on your feelings. Hang in there. When you're in your mid-late twenties if you still like older men, then you can peruse them. But, wait a couple of years until the guys your age mature. I'm newly married and in my mid-twenties. I was always a bi more mature for my age than even the girls of my age. I didn't date guys until I was 17. However, in college I met my now-husband who is two years older than me, but you really don't care about that. Remember, if you are really confused about this matter, has your school's office for a counselor referral (they may or may not have one in your building). Counselors have to keep stuff confidential and wont tell your parents. Good luck..
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): I think you've already figured this out yourself. You realize it can never work; he's married, and you're his student and he's your teacher. My best advice is to get involved with others things at school, clubs, sports, etc. And meet lots of cute boys your age! Try to forget about him. I know it's not exactly the advice you want to hear, I've been where you are right now. You really just have to put him out of your mind and focus on other things in your life. That worked for me! Good luck! :)
...............................
|
