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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, Im 16 years old, and Im with my boyfriend of 10 months. I'll admit our relationships has had its up's and downs, but he can be a really nice guy, and he has always been there for me. See I havent had the best of luck in life, my parents used to abuse me, and now my dad is dying, and he (my boyfreind) was there for me always. But he was also cheated on my twice, I know its stupid to be with him after that, but I cant seem to get over him. I cant, I dont know what's wrong with me, but I cant. I love him, and he says he loves me. But then I think to myself "How can I love someone who has cheated on me?". but I still find myself with him. I dont know whats wrong with me, my friends tell me, just get over him, dump him...but I cant I mean I have tried but I cant. Its not easy. Then we broke up once, I thought was over him, he got another girlfriend, and I found myself falling for him AGAIN, so he broke up with her, and we got back together. STUPID I know! But I cant help it! Im going through alot right now, theres alot of issues, my parents, my dad, I have an anger problem...just alot, then I have school to worry about. And he makes me feel better, but still I think its time I move on...but I cant...what do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): I;m in the same situation as far as wanting to break up with my boyfriend of three years. The only difference is I;m 53 years old. I have never really had much experience with men because of the fact i married my husband at the age of 18 and he was my first real love and i was married for 30 years. Well I met my now boyfriend three years ago, fell in love and it has been an emotional rollercoaster. He admitted cheating on me one time, he constantly lies to me and I catch him in his lies. Trust is a big issue for me , I do believe if there is no trust it will only destroy the relationship you do have. It eats at you until all love is gone. I really need to just walk away, I have tried several times but seem to come running back like a lost puppy. I'm getting stronger each time and will probably end this masquarade this weekend. It will hurt I know , but its something I know i have to do. Good luck and God Bless.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): The greatest love of all is the love you will learn to have for yourself. I was abused as a child and as an adult. I leared to love me. It was the hardest thing i ever did and it took yeras. I never gave up. I kept focused on healing and being an entrie person worth the best in life giving and recieving. Google this "toxic relationships" In the absense of self love is the presence of toxic relationships. you will be suprosed to read how well the definition fits what you are experiencing. Work on self love...this means treating your mind, body and soul with respect and care and tenderness including patience. When your self love grows you will get the strength to let toxic relationships go and you will begin to live....Go be happy....not for anyone but you first...
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): I No how you feel your situation is exactly the same as the one i'm in. my boyfriend cheated on me twice and i cant let go either no matter how much i'm told i can do better and am better off without him. I'v tried finishing with him but always end up going back and getting my head played with. i would love to tell you to leave him and get on with your life, but who am i to give advise when i'm in the same boat.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): i really feel for you and completely understand where you are coming from. i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and during this time he has been there for in probably the most difficult year of my life, my parents divorcing, my dad becoming suicidal and me developing an eating disorder. he doesn't treat me well, i'm a convenience to him, he wants to know when he has nothing else to do. i'm just so emotionally attached to him, he is the basis of all my friendships n i would be completely alone. but then i have to think of myself, i find hope in the fact that my parents were married for 25 years and they are both still here and living without each other. that must say something. it seems the hardest thing to do but there has to come a point in your life when you decide that that's enough now. think of yourself, i'm starting to and i feel better already. best of luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): HEyyyyy....o man...i feel for you!
yea..im 15 and:
Okay...i try to break up with my boyfriend but i feel so guilty and i just give up.
None of my friends understand, and they're like "break up with the kid already"
Its like so hard, though...but i figured it's either i'll be really sad cause i'll wait to break up with him, or he'll be sad for a lil cause ill dump him and eventually he'll get over it
And i've learned....break up in perosn nicely but strongly......its better.....
aight girly...good luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): hey, reading from your past history with your relationship to your parents, I would say that this has been an unfortunately huge factor for the way you deal with relationships now. The abuse most likely has led to low-self esteem and self respect. THis is not your fault at all. Many people deal with this in relationships, especially women. However, for your personal life and better long run, I suggest that although it is the hardest things to do in life, you should end the relationship with your boyfriend. You deserve so much better, and he needs to respect you by not cheating on you. Dont get over him by jumping into another unsure relationship, but rather, you should try to focus on school and rebuilding your self esteem. Working out or reading and hanging out with friends are ways where you can concentrate on things that will be better for you as a person in the long run. I have been through this before, after a 2 year relationship. The guy wasn't right for me and disrespected me a lot, but in the long run you will find that you deserve the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): hi, im 15 years old and im with this boy i have been with him for i wile i first got with him on the 5th march last year we was together 11 months then didnt talk for four and then we got back together after a party about 9 weeks ago. The first few weeks i loved being back with im but now i really dont want to be with im i have been really depresed and worried these last few days thinking about finishing him but im just to scared of what to say. Also my mum likes him alot and i dont want her to say i am tight on him somebody please help me i just cant stop crying and feel so down. why should i feel like this at 15 years old?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): i had the same problem also i really wanted to break up with my boyfriend because he cheated on me at my friends house with one of my friends he always tells me that he loves me all the time and that he wants to be with me forever but i dont know what to do cause i think i really love him but i dont think it is going to work out so i thought to myself he freaking cheated on me how does he love me if he cheated on me! he told me that he loved me afterward and like did all this sweet stuff but once i dumped him i felt great and i didnt have to worry about getting cheated on again because i told myself that i wasnt going to go back out with him
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2006): Okay here is a way you can break up with him. You can say that he is a great guy but you would rather be friends and not mess up your friendship so I am sorry but I thank we should break up and just become really good friends
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2006): Okay! Well, if you really thank it is time you move on just thank of ways that would be the best way for you to break up with him. I am haveing the same problem but I have not quite figured it out yet but I think I am just gonna thank if to tell him it is over and maybe one day I will have a good reason to break up with him
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reader, nichalashamar +, writes (4 March 2006):
i love my boyfriend very much i told me dont talk to me and up to now he has not called.
my boyfriend is emotionally abusive to me at times when he really gets mad he curses me so much and in addition hurts my feelings tremendously and i keep staying in the relationship because as i said i love him so much. one thing he always want to have sex with me and i feel like it is all about sex for him and one day he told me if it is not about sex because he is still with me. he makes me so depressed and stresses me out. when we get into big argument s he keep saying rudely what do i want from him and keep telling him all i need from him is too treat me better and respect me. i mean i do so much for that boy i take any little money i have and buy him so much things and even not one day he will say let us go to the movies. i have to ask him and then i have to end up paying. i dont deserve all this treatment and deserve to be happy. we have been together for almost three years and it is hard to break up with him and not only that he is my best friend. i cry every night when he hurts my feelings he says i am not bold enough. but how can someone treat their girlfriend with disrespect. how dare him. their is so much things going on in our relationship that it is so painful and it hurts deeply. i have neveer treated him the way he treats me. i think breaking up should be the best thing because no one should hurt the person they love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2005): It's difficult to break up with someone who has seemingly been at your side for so long. I've been with my boyfriend for approximately one year, he has been with me through one of the worst years of my life. You are only 16, don't get caught up in this relationship or you will develop a pattern that will never end. If you aren't happy, you will have to find the strength to leave him once and for all. It is difficult, but then again someone who has cheated on you is sending out signals that there are problems in the relationship. Do yourself a favor, join a sport, club, or get a hobby so that your mind won't keep wondering back to your boyfriend. There will be other men in your lifetime.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2005): hi i am in the same situation but my boyfriend didn't cheat me he just is acting like we ar merried and i am still 16 i have a whole wourld ahesd of me. i really think that you must follow your heart and in my case i really want to leave him but i cant cuse he is in all of my classes and i think it will be one hell of a year seeing him and not talking to him after a year being close to him.he is very over protected. he doesn't want me to hang around my old friends and i really love spending time with them.pls if you are worried about love remember THERE ARE LOT OF FISH IN THE SEA
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reader, hg123 +, writes (28 July 2005):
I completely understand what you are going through. Just tonight, I cut off communication with my now ex. I decided to take a stand and move on, because I know that I am strong, and I do not need him to get by. He played mind games on me, and did not care, yet at the same time told me how much he loved and cared about me. But even if he was just a friend of mine, mind games are not cool (I can't get into specifics - but let's just say they definitely bordered on the level of emotional abuse). Listen - It is very easy for others to say to you "oh come on, just get over him, and move on! What's wrong???" because you've built up a strong emotional bond in the guy. That's not easy to break. When something goes wrong in your life and you want to talk to someone who knows you the best, who do you call? Chances are high that your boyfriend is one of those people - if not THE person. But you have to cut him out if he's hurting you emotionally and psychologically. This isn't "you could..." - I'm telling you that you MUST. It's not healthy for you, and all of us deserve so much better. So many women are in relationships that aren't healthy, but stay with the guy simply because they act as a blanket of emotional support and security - why can't we provide that for ourselves? I know that sounds very feminist, but its only a simple fact. Men can do it - so can we. Stand up for yourself, because when you do, you attract the best of men, not jerks who claim to "love" when they really just feed off your emotional attachment to feed their own egos. I know how it is, and it's tough. It's going to be a hard grieving period to get over him, but again, you MUST do it if you want to live a happy life. There are so many amazing guys out there. If you stick with a bad one now and continue to stay with him, you will never see the amazing ones out there.... food for thought! *hugs* Feel free to respond if you want to - we're all here for you - please remember that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2005): I know how you feel. I want so badly to break up with my boyfriend. He has cheated on me once, but it was because the girl was friends with my best friend, and she told him I was cheating on him all the time.
I really hate my boyfriend. One minute he loves me and wants to see me all the time, and another day he won't call until later on in the day. We see each other constantly, so this may not seem like a big deal, but it is for me.
We get in big fights, and I hate him. I hate how he makes me feel, but when we get along, which is most of the time, I love how he makes me feel.
I wish I could dump him, but I can't. I've tried before. I need him. I'm emotionally attached to him, and I depend on him for everything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2005): TO: LOVE SIK!!!...hey well i wasnt sure how to write you back. so im hopeing you see this...but yes we do have A LOT in common...and i am soo sorry about your dad, that must be really hard. But you sound like a great person, so im sorry you had to go through with that...but yeah im still with my boyfriend...things are getting alot better..or it seems like it..i dont know, see its not that he lies or treats me bad. i mean he is really nice..he calls me everyday..we spend alot of time together..he is really nice and sweet..but..hes cheated on me twice..thats the problem..but he has admited to it. he said he would NEVER do that to me again..but i dont know if i should believe him..things have been going good so far..think i should trust him?...and about your boyfriend...dont feel stupid..you love him and thats all there is to it..i completely understand, and people say " oh my god..how can she just be with him after he did that to her?..thats horrible..she should just dump the guy" so forget about them! F*** them! (i know that sounds really really bad..sorry) dont listen to them they dont know what its like..to really love a person..but i dont know im only 16...and its hard i know..so i guess ill tell you what one of my freinds told me "follow your heart" (corney i know..but hey it made me think) but hope to hear from you soon! xxHUGxx
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (6 July 2005):
Hi ya sweetie...my heart goes out to your situation.First of all, if your boyfriend knows the abuse you suffered in your past, and that your father is dying, BUT he still had affairs on you...HE DOES NOT TRULY LOVE YOU.True love is faithful and kind...patient and gentle.You say you WANT to break up with him...but you don't.You are confused with what you want & what you NEED.You want your boyfriend to love you, but you are not getting the love you so desperately seek to bring healing to your troubled soul and abusive past.You NEED to learn to be content with who you are as a person or you will continue to be driven to try & find your identity in a man.Ask yourself..."who am I? what do I want for my future? what type of partner do I REALLY need?"It is a proven fact, that females who are abused will grow up to seek abusive partners.If you do not want to be one of those sad statistics, then you NEED to seek professional counselling & break the cycle of abuse.Your friends tell you to dump him but you just can't...do you know why?Because you have been conditioned by abuse...it has become a comfort zone for you, so you embrace pain & tolerate it.With proper counselling you will learn to embrace LOVE and reject abuse.When your boyfriend has affair after affair on you, that is NOT LOVE...that is abuse...he is causing PAIN to you and he keeps doing it, because you allow him to.Draw a line...set some healthy boundaries.Decide that you have ZERO TOLERANCE for unfaithfulness.Love is kind...Love is gentle...Love is True !All the best to you sweet Angel,(((big hugs)))
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reader, love sik +, writes (5 July 2005):
heya. i am in exactly the same boat as you chick. my boyfriend and i have been together for a year in this time he has slept with another girl and gave me herpes and tried to get back with his ex, just like you i have no trust but i love him i cant help it i no how you feel i feel stupid but its hard when poeple dont no what you have been thru its not as if i can go round explaining that i cant finish with him because he gave me herpes and i feel like no one else will want to be with me.so i stay with him the trust issues in a relationship are difficult to deal with i no, i am finding it so hard to trust him but i need him so i dont say anything he always lies to me. i no this isnt the best advice but if you really need him stay with him and if you get the courage then go and dont look back enuf people have let u down and u are goin thru really hard times my dad has already passed away unfortunatly but my dad abused me wen i was a baby i am left with scars.good luck and take care maybe you can give me sum advice xx
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reader, Helen05 +, writes (4 July 2005):
I think you cling to your boyfriend because he gives you security. i know he cheated on you, but he isnt dying and he dosent abuse you. I sense from your letter that your self esteem is very low and deep down you expect those you love to let you down. Your parents are your first experience of trust, and they have let you down. Its only natural that you expect your partners to do the same.
Your friends sound supportive. Lean on them for a while, be open and trust them. You may find that you do not rely on this boy as much as you have been.
Counselling may help you too. Is there anyone at school? You need to find strategies to rely on yourself too.
Finally, you are only 16. you have many years ahead of you and many future boyfriends. don't settle for someone who treats you badly just because you need someone.
Please take care xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2005): Hi,I think you should go with what your heart tells you to do.I'm in a similar situation to you myself. I had a girlfriend 16 and she went out with my best friend and I lost her but I'm going to find her and tell her I love her.At the end of the day follow your heart girl; it's the best way trust me. Best of luck to you.Chris
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reader, becky05 +, writes (4 July 2005):
Dont eneter into a serious relationship with this boy. Im sorry to hear what a hard time you are having just now and i think that you need to concentrate more on yourself than other people. remain friends with him if possible and keep contact with your own friends. Real friends are there when you need them and if he cant handle this then hes not good enough for you (which he has already proved by cheating on you in the past)
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