A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a serious problem. I dated S in highschool, and ended up having a baby with him. At the time, we broke up because he was being a jerk. Right after I had the baby, I met J, and proceeded to marry him after a while. We have 2 other kids. Now, S has come back into my life and has changed. Not a jerk anymore, and he is saying that he still loves me. I love him too. I want to be with him, but I'm married. To complicate things more, my hubby is away for work for a long time. I don't feel that I'm in love with him right now. I love him as a friend. But I can't judge that too well because he is away. I don't know what to do, and I don't want to make the wrong decision because kids are involved. Advice anyone?
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female
reader, Torianne  +, writes (11 July 2008):
 Sorry to be brutally honest but i think you're being selfish.
You are trying to hang onto the good parts of a relationship that didn't work. Yes, you have a child with S but if it didn't work then why should it work now?
You need to look at what else is wrong in your relationship with your husband. Have no contact with your ex apart from to do with your child until you have attempted to resolve this.
Don't look at the past with rose tinted glasses.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 July 2008):
 What sort of commitment did you make when you got married? You know the life you have now. How can you tell this person has changed for the better? I see too often where the wool is pulled over someones eyes regarding true change. The other gets them right where they want them, then boom, right back to same old self. Is this something you'd risk bringing your kids into?
I am someone who has made many changes in my life. At one time I didn't appreciate who I had become. I wanted my kids to always see me as someone they can be proud of, so I set goals and changed accordingly. Three years of daily goals, habbits to eliminate and good habbits to enhance.
I'm not going to get too much into the marriage part. Reason being, I don't know how you view commitment or what marriage means to you. If I were to get married, abuse, addiction, or adultry would be the only excuse I would allow myself for not honoring the commitment.
Just remember, what you do, your kids will imitate.
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