A
female
age
30-35,
*rtchic509
writes:ok... I'm not sure how to do this...so i'll just keep rambling till my question comes to mind. =)i'm 16, and i'm in my first relationship. it's been three months, and i swear on my life i've never been happier! the boy i'm with is amazing in every way possible, and i couldn't ask for anyone better.here's my sitcheeation though:last year (freshman year) i was best friends with one of the most beautiful girls in school (according to most people). she had big blue eyes, clear skin, big boobs, and she was able to attract any guy she looked at. other than looks, i'm not sure what attracted them...but hey...i was friends with her...so there must've been something attractive!well, that year, my present boyfriend (whom i was not with at the time) was completely in love with her. they were both my best friends at the time, so obviously i was happy for them when they got together.then she left the school.their relationship lasted from about august of this year till january. i can tell you one thing, she treated him like crap. she would always tell him that she didn't need him because she had a billion other guys to fall back on. one night she deleted him from her myspace without explanation. he called me on the phone and was in tears. as his best friend i listened and gave him advice to stop with this relationship...i just couldn't stand to see him that way!however in those 5 months that they were together (even though she did treat him like crap most of the time)he was head-over-heels for her. i wish i didn't have to know everything that went on in their relationship...because since i was his best friend at the time, he would always tell me about their time together and about the sex (ew) and stuff like that.on march 1, 2009...he called me at 4 a.m and said he wanted to be with me. of course, having a crush on him, i said yes.i don't know what i'm trying to ask...i'm just so insecure. he's told me he loves me a million times, and i can tell he's sincere...but it doesn't help. that ex e-mailed me the night after he asked me out and said that it didn't matter if i was with him...because one day they'll be together. she told me everything that i didn't want know about their relationship...sex,how he loved her...everything.i'm so scared.since she was a sexual deviant she could give him pleasure anytime anywhere. i'm not like that.i'm not beautiful.i'm funny and talented...but i'm not beautiful.and i'm also his 11th girlfriend (he's had one every year since the first grade).i keep thinking that one day he's gonna wake up and not be in love with me anymore. i've told him this...and he says that he loves me and wouldn't just leave me like that....but still...i can't compete with beauty...and apparently she had something about her that made him love her and want to marry her.i love him. i know i can be the best for him. i've already done so much for him to help get into an art-school over the summer (that i'm also going too). I'd give him anything if it made him happy, I want to be the best he's ever had. I want to be sure that he's not going to leave me for her... but how can I?please... anybody... please help me.
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (11 June 2009):
 The ex emailed you? That's a little messed up. She sounds like she's crazy at best, in spite of her beauty. Guys are kind of strange when it comes to looks, because they don't see that the really pretty girls are usually the ones that can get away with being really ugly people on the inside. I know you don't want to hear this, but you need to stop worrying about the entire situation. I am assuming you do treat him well and you are a better girlfriend than she was. You have to remember as well is that he has had eleven girlfriends already. I'm sure he told them that he loved them, the exact same things he told this other girl, and he's not with them anymore, right? It doesn't sound like he takes relationships very seriously. Not yet anyway. He's still young at heart. That being said, you have to realize that if he does go back with this girl, there is nothing you can do about it. You could spend all this time worrying OR you could spend this time ENJOYING the time you have with him! I would pick the second choice, because if he sees you enjoying things instead of worrying about what he does, he'll love you even more for your confidence! I know it's really hard, but just enjoy your time together and who knows! He really might be the one for you! Either way, it's out of your control, and all you can do is make your own decisions and hope for the best. All the luck in the world!
A
female
reader, cindy888 +, writes (11 June 2009):
You know calling you at 4am is a booty call? Not very respectful of him. You've stepped into a situation that is unresolved between them and setting yourself up for a lot of heartache. I'm afraid for you and I know you love him but this isn't good for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): To be honest I think this guy wasnt in love with this girl. It seems she was an object of lust or just something pretty to look at like a trophy. I think that you are better for him as you actually listen to what he says, actually like him and that you helped him get into art school! I think you need to shock him somehow into getting him over this other girl. How to do that is the tricky part though. You could do something which will take a lot of guts and is risky and tell him that you need to take a break for a week or so and not speak to each other at all as you are worried about this other girl and the way he acts about her. This may shock him then after the break see how he acts. He could act differently towards you and see you as the pretty,funny and talented girl that you are.
good luck
x
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