A
female
age
30-35,
*nbn123
writes:i think i'm in love with a guy. but i don't want to be, i want to fall out of love with him, that's the question how do i fall out of love with this guy? i feel i should explain first why i need to fall out of love with him. I have liked this guy for a good 5 years now, and he's known the whole time. the thing is, he's always treated me badly, and taken advantage of the fact that i've liked him, to get me to do stuff for him, without ever acting caring, flirty yes, but never caring. then a few months ago, at the end of our last year at school (after which he's moving about a 3 hr drive away!), he gets me to break up with my boyfriend, to start seeing him! i was foolish enough to do that, the guy i was with was lovely, and i threw a perfect relationship away for this! then when he decided not to act lyk we were seeing each other in front of other people, and started to seem more and more lyk sex was the only thing he cared about, i told him i couldn't do it anymore. However, a couple of weeks ago we started talking about getting back together, and literally (maybe not literally, but within a couple of hours of) the time we were texting each other, whilst he was telling me how he'll treat me better, and he loves me, he was having sex with my best friend, who was drunk. Now obvs. that is a completely seperate issue, but i need to know how to fall out of love with this guy!! i'm afraid that i'm going to hurt myself badly if i stay hooked on him, it's not doing me any good. And i know that i can recognise this, but when faced with a situation where i have to choose him or someone else, i will always go for him, and i hate myself for it, because everytime i choose him, i hurt other people as well as myself! Sorry for going on, please! advice is necessary for this, i'm not going to work it out myself! xx
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female
reader, cnbn123 +, writes (11 June 2009):
cnbn123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou very much, you've really helped, i will try to stay out of contact with him for quite a while, and i will find another challenge to occupy myself with. however, i don't usually under- value myself, and am not usually pushed around by others, which is why i needed help with this one. Again, thank you!!!!!!! xx
A
female
reader, iSmil3y  +, writes (11 June 2009):
I honestly think, you should try to stay out of contact with him for a while. You can't control your feelings but he's using you. I know it might be hard but try to focus on other things like, hanging out with friends and try to forget about him. You need a guy that respects you and cares about you more than he cares about sex. And trust me, all guys aren't like that, there are way better guys out there that do respect women. If you need any advice, just message me and I'll be happy to reply. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): There is no easy way to fall out of love, but here are a few suggestions: (1) Make up your mind to do it, and don't waver. (2) Don't see any more of him than you must. It's a good thing that he is moving a 3-hour drive away. (3) Find another challenge-- NOT a relationship, but a new project or goal in some other sphere of your life-- to focus on for the next few months. (4) Reevaluate how you choose which people you want to be around-- not just romantic interests, but also friends. If you've loved this guy for five years, even though he's never been particularly caring or consistent towards you, then you're not valuing yourself properly. Is this a problem with other friends or in other aspects of your life? Try to separate the wheat (people who value you and are good influences on you) from the chaff (people who don't treat you with caring or respect).
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