A
female
age
30-35,
*okerFace
writes:Ok so Im 17 going on 18 next year and I like an older guy and hes 26 years old going on 27 in september. Were friends and hes really nice. I know just because guys are nice doesnt mean theyll be like that all the time. And because of our age difference. Im wondering what you guys think I should do. I want to start a relationship with him when I turn 18 but I dont know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): age is just a number x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): just wait a few years, maybe when your like 19 0r 20 is your serious about this you would wait. But you have to make sure he likes you too first. And if he likes you he would wait. Your going on 18 so your an adult soon so no one can tell you what you can and cant do if this feels like its the right desion go for it
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Well if you are waiting until you are 18 then it sounds like you are being sensible about this so why not! Is this guy interested in you as well? Or does he only see you as a friend? Make sure you clear that one up before you do start to pursue a relationships with him!
The age difference isnt huge so I think it will be fine as long as you take it slowly. The main problems with age differences, especially when you are so young is the difference in the stage of life that you are both at. He will no doubt be in a job, looking to progress his career, buy a house...all those grown up sorts of things. He will possibly be looking to settle down with a girl, get married in a few years and have kids.
Whereas you are (I'm guessing here) doing your A levels and looking to go to uni, living with your parents and generally having a good time (my favorite years were between 16 & 18, I had so much fun!). So you are not in the same frame of mind as him, you are just about to embark on your adult life, where you will be having as much fun as you can and not taking things to seriously (which is the right thing to do at your age!)
So it is more of a difference in the way you live your lives at the moment. Say if you met him when you were 25 and he was 34/35, there wouldnt be much of an issue because you would both want the same things. But right now, your lives are very different and you dont want the same things. But if he is quite immature for his age and isnt looking to settle down for a while (like 5-10 years) then things should be ok!
If you do decide to go ahead, make sure you prioritise your own life ahead of any relationship. The decisions you make over the next 5 years will impact on the rest of your life and you need to follow your dreams. Dont let anyone get in the way of that, and dont compromise on your dreams just because of some guy you are with. As Manson Groupie said, older men can often be controlling and will take advantage of your naiveity. They might not realise they are doing it, but often they will make plans for the both of you for the future when you are not sure that it is the right direction for you.
I guess to make this work you will have to be a very strong person, who knows your own mind and know what you want in life. As long as you can stick to your guns and be an equal in the relationship, rather than letting him take you along for the ride, then everything will be fine. I know it will seem weird thinking about all these things that are so far in the future for you but you need to see that these big scary adult things that you dont want to think about right now and the exact things that will be on this guys mind right now.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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male
reader, rom +, writes (10 August 2009):
Hi as I am an older man in a relationship with a younger woman in fact I am 45 and she is 18!!! what I would say is dont just jump into a relationship just because he is older and thats what you like. Be friends and see how things develop as they could go either way as do any relationships.
If its right you will know and then try things out.
The previous writer mentioned how the man took advantage of her inexperience which is a shame as in my relationship anything that I have experienced in my life I feel I can relate to my girlfriend and in some cases help her from making some mistakes I have made. The main thing is not to treat your partner like you know better as I have found over the years that I am not right all the time! and even at 18 she is is well educated and capable of as much input into our relationship as I am. Just a case of finding the right man but that is the case in any relationship no matter what age you are or he is.
Hope this helps as we are not all the same and your guy might just be the one for you.
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female
reader, PokerFace +, writes (10 August 2009):
PokerFace is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for your help
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female
reader, MansonGroupie +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Personally I've always gone for older guys...Which has its advantages but MANY disadvantages!
When I was 16 I got into a relationship with a 32 year old man. Unfortunately I had no life experience and he did, the relationship lasted approx one year after I moved in and then I ended up hating him. I was naive and he took full advantage of my inexperience. I didn't realise he was doing it, my friends & family had to watch me almost self-destruct because I was adament he was a lovely guy and he loved me sooo much!
I think at your age you need to be in relationships with blokes your own age, at least until you get to know yourself a little better.
Sorry, I'd love to say go for it but experience tells me that it's a bad idea.
Hope this helps.xx
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